Socially inadequate

[Stephkrebs12]

Hey everyone, so lately I've been feeling super bummed out by my lack of ability to make friends. I'm extremely introverted and anxious in social situations so when the moment comes for me to make conversation with another person I try my best but it doesn't really work. The other person either doesn't say back much that I could give a reply to or I simply just don't know what to say so I say nothing. It's pretty frustrating because I'd love to make more friends but it's so hard for me. Anyway just thought I'd vent a little bit about this. Thanks for reading 👍🏼

[Amaranth]

I can really really relate to this, I desperately want to be able to talk to people and make friends but i'm just so anxious that I can't do it, and I worry I come across as rude or uncaring when i'm really not.
Social anxiety sucks

[Stephkrebs12]

Yes! And I can't stand when someone points out that I'm being quiet. Especially if they do it in front of other people. I just wish I could be more social :/

[MoNo]

questions, questions, questions. like as long as they're not also really socially anxious, people love giving their opinion. legit you could ask them the most random crap (as long as there's some kind of context, and it's not just "haha why is the sky blue?") and they'll probably take the bait, especially if it was starting to get awkward. then after they give their opinion, give yours too so it feels like a discussion and not an interview.

the problem is just thinking of things to ask, i usually talk political topics or books since that's what i enjoy, but you could use anything.

idk if that'll help you make friends, but it'll definitely keep conversation going. you also look more assertive if you ask things rather than just answering them, even if you're not and just can't think of anything else lol.

[Tautology]

I'm in the same boat, but am getting better.

I agree with MoNo. If you can't think of something to talk about, get them to talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves.

Additionally work on your body language. That gave a HUGE boost to my social life. Eye contact, avoid crossing your arms, avoid turning your body away from a person. When you do those things people feel like your inviting them to talk to you.

[Stephkrebs12]

Thanks for the advice! What should I do in a situation where I don't have much in common with the person? Sometimes I try to talk about some things I enjoy because that's what I know the most about but some people
Just don't reciprocate the same amount of effort into a conversation.

[Pi.R^2]

Before going to a social event, maybe you could make a mental list of potential conversation topics/questions to ask? So that should you find yourself talking to someone you don't have a lot in common with, you could be like "so do you live locally?" or "have you been here before" etc. All dependent on the exact situation (e.g. asking your next door neighbour if they live locally would probably look a bit weird!), so your list might need to change depending on where you're going.