Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Is she lying about being sexually abused?
This is a question that has been haunting me for a year. I just really need to get this out and get some feedback...trying to put my mind at ease about this. Any thoughts on this, advice, anything.
I'll start out with my own experience. I've been through sexual abuse in different instances and situations in my life, so it's hard for me not to believe it when someone tells me they've been abused. I also realize that there are some people out there who are attention-getters and do lie about things, however horrible that is to people like us who have really been through it.
Moving on to my ex-boyfriend, "Cody" , and I. We were together for about 9 months, broke up a couple months ago. Leaving him was extremely hard for me, but I'm a really strong person...though it still took me about 3 months to work up the courage and resolve I needed to do it. He had gradually progressed into acting out towards me more and more violently...he was verbally abusing me, starting fights with, and finally he began physically hurting me. It started getting really scary, but I still couldn't believe it was happening to me. I had to ask other people to validate what I thought before I was really sure that was what was going on. One night after a violent episode I'd had enough. I gathered my co-workers, friends, family, told them what was happening and they all helped me with the breakup. I stayed with my parents for a week which was a good thing because he came after me looking for me. Sometimes when we would fight he would tell me that I reminded him exactly of his sister Anna. He had once confessed to me that she would provoke him and get him in trouble so he would hold her down and hit her.
This leads to what really has me troubled. Cody's sister Anna went to the police and said that their adoptive father had been molesting and raping her for years. She was 16 at the time she made this confession about a year and a half ago. Their father, John, is set to appear before the judge next week. He was convicted by a jury of 5 counts of child sexual abuse. The thing is, there is conflicting evidence and witness testimony that might get him exonerated, so the sentencing kept getting pushed back.
1. The examining doctor said that Anna's hymen is still intact, which means it's likely she's still a virgin. She claimed however that her father had been having sex with her for years and one of the last times she bled.
2. I watched the videotape where she made her police report. She was laughing and giggling through the whole thing.
3. She asked one of her friends to lie on the stand for her. That friend came forward and confessed that Anna had asked her to lie.
4. Anna said that her father John had thrown a condom out the window of the car. After she was removed from the home by DHS, her and her friends went looking for the condom on a country road. She found it, and they called the detective who likes to be called "Top Dog" (and who is also good friends with Anna and Cody's biological father, whom Cody told me molested him when he was young). The detective admitted on the stand that he threw the condom in a bag, unsealed, with other evidence including John's buckle swab (his dna), and left the bag sitting on his desk for over a week before admitting it into lab testing. The detective said he "lost" all the photos he took of the scene where the condom was found.
5. The condom itself. The test results came back as follows: one set of dna on the condom: John's. It was found on the OUTSIDE of the condom. No other identified dna.
5. Anna said most of the sexual activity occurred in the computer room next to Cody's room. They have another brother, another sister, and their mom living in the house.
6. During most of this activity, Anna shared a bedroom with her younger sister. Younger sister swears she never heard or saw anything of dad.
Despite some conflicting evidence to Anna's story, which would have certainly placed doubt in I would think most people's minds, he was still convicted. Did he do it, was she telling the truth? Or is he innocent?
It bothers me because I was there for the family through the whole thing. They were all torn up, Anna gone who knows where, the younger kids were thrown into foster care and from what I heard all these horrible conditions. I spent Christmas with Cody and his parents and went to all the court dates and watched John walk away in handcuffs. Absolutely heartbreaking. But I can't figure it out. The day before the jury handed down the conviction we were out on lunch break and I was sitting there talking to John and I asked, what if Anna just up and said I'm sorry, I'm calling this all off, I was lying the whole time, I'm sorry, it never happened. And he looked at me and got tears in his eyes and said, I'd forgive her in an instant. She's my daughter and I love her and I'd forgive her in an instant.
On the flip side, John has all the traits contributed to someone who would abuse their children. Physically abusive to Cody, domineering, commanding, extremely very very controlling of the entire family, demeaning and overbearing to almost everyone, at the same time managing to uphold a sort of playful charm.
Lastly, I have a website available to anyone who would like to look at it. It was created by the news media who covered the story. They apparently believe in John's innocence and their story discredits the court system. PM me if you're interested.
My final question: What about the people who have been accused and convicted, who might be innocent? Is there really any such cases, are people just in denial that their loved ones could commit such an atrocity? Do people really lie about sexual abuse?
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
I can't really comment on this, it would be unfair as I don't know the girl. But if she is lying, it is really unfair on her family and father.
You say he is controlling, my father is/was, but he has never sexually abused me, and I VERY highly doubt he never would. He loves me too much.
Can i have the website? To look into a bit more?
x
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
I can't really comment like Rebeccastar as i obviously do not know the girl or the situation.
However, if she has lied then it is something that is in my eyes utterly disgraceful.
But then again, she could be a terrified little girl who doesn't know how to deal with the situation (i.e nervous giggling in the interview).
I hate to judge something i don't know, but if you could send me the link too i'll be interested in reading more.
Jane
xx
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay"
It must be really hard for Cody's family to deal with this. Being split between John and Anna. I can see how you would want to support Anna, but also how you would never want to believe that John could have done these things.
Im assuming you've been to court? and if so youve heard both the defence and the prosecuters speaking, and putting forward their evidence. It might be that the defence people were really good at making him sound innocent (unfortunately not enough to not convict), when in fact he is guilty. or it could be that you just cant believe that he would do those things. or it could be that Anna has had an experience of some sort of abuse and perhaps exaggerated alot, or made the whole thing up.
basically what im trying to say, is that theres no way of completely knowing. the fact that you're close to the family and to john may have clouded your judgment, as the jury obviously thought he was guilty which is why he has been convicted. Im not saying that you're wrong, or the jury is wrong. Just that there are so many factors involved its hard to see what the abosolute truth is, and i guess you will never know for 100% certain. You just got to believe what you believe and stick to it i guess. It sounds like this ordeal has been quite hard on you aswel.
And yes, im sure there have been people accused and convicted who are innocent, i guess its bound to happen. Like i know there was this woman who accused her husband of raping her or something so she would be able to get rid of him and he would go jail. and he went to prison. and then she told everyone that she made it all up and how guilty she felt. so yeah, it does happen. but id say the majority of cases are true. i think youd have to be pretty messed up to lie about something as serious as that and want to put an innocent person in prison.
But also i do think that people can be in denial about what their loved ones can do. Its hard to imagine that someone so close to you would be able to do horrible things like that, and in my opinon i think child abusers are very good at hiding what theyre doing, which is why practically none get found out unless the child says something to someone else.
So yeah, that was quite long. I just wanted to try and answer all your questions. id like to read this article as well if thats ok?
I can not get my head around why someone would make something like this up...
then again I have heard many stories of it happening... I just can't understand why or how someone would do that...
I basically agree with everything everyone else has said
One of my distant relatives is in prison on a charge of sexually abusing a girl. Except this guy would never even hurt a fly. So yeah some people do make things up and it destroys the people who are involved... I can't comment on the situation you just described as I don't know the girl but I would like to read the article if thats possible?
~Here I am at your feet in my brokenness complete~
I don't know of course, but it is possible she is lying about it to get back at him for the physical abuse maybe? Like if she makes up worse abuse at least he'll get punishment for what he did do? That's a pretty bad thing to do, but it sounds very possible from what you described. I could see why you're torn though, that's a very hard situation to be in.
