Ramadan starts in the next few day and my 'boyfriend' observes it. It happens every year, but it still causes me to have jealous, irrational, and really triggering thoughts. This is joined by guilt, because not only is this a religious observance, so i should have more respect, i don't have an eating disorder so i can't really talk about this with anyone and i know i'm judging him when i shouldn't.
I don't know how to cope during the month, and i don't know how to not upset him.
i'm sorry for wasting thread space. i don't know why i felt i deserve to post this.
Lois, you are perfectly entitled to post for support. I can completely understand why Ramadan might be a difficult time for you and I'm really glad you posted here for help with this.
A whole month can seem a long time, especially when you've got difficult feelings going on inside of you. Food can be such a hard one, too, because it's not as if you can avoid it - you have to eat to live! Do you think you could try to see it as in this is a religious thing, nothing to do with ED-type thoughts? I think I've seen a photo of you before and you're very beautiful, even though I'm sure you won't believe me!
Regardless of whether or not you have a diagnosed ED, I don't really care because it's obvious that these thoughts are pervasive and are causing you upset. That means they deserve to be supported and looked at. Having a label doesn't make anything more or less valid/real. You feel bad, either way.
I'm mostly jealous that he's (im not sure if this is the right word) but encouraged to fast. I'm childishly feeling as though it's unfair, because i've tried to teach myself that fasting is detremental to one's health/wrong. I already find him very small physically, which makes me feel extra massive and so extra unfair that he should fast and i not.
No, i'm sorry, it's not nosy at all. I didn't feel i could quite call him my boyfriend, because label wise we're not, but in terms of our relationship that's probably the easiest/best way to describe it. I'm sorry for making it difficult.
Thanks Annabelle, i know that seperating it is the most logical thing to do. Just as an athiest myself, i (arguably wrongly) don't feel all too swayed by religious things. Plus, i don't have to deal with food and him to begin with, yet these thoughts still occur.
Last edited by Catharsis : 16-07-2012 at 04:15 PM.
Reason: missed message from shine
I do not know an awful lot about Ramadan and Islam, but would I be correct in saying that whilst he is encouraged to fast in the daylight hours, he is encouraged to eat sufficient amounts once the sun has set and before it rises?
Whilst I don't encourage fasting in the ways prescribed by Ramadan, I imagine if managed well it can still be healthy and involve consuming the right number of calories a day.
Do you think he will be using it as an excuse to eat less than the RDA, or just eat the same amount at different times?
Does he have any idea that you're finding it difficult?
And no need to apologise; I must say I find your relationship intriguing now :p
ALSO. Would it help to arrange a couple of 'lunch dates with non-Muslim friends during Ramadan, so that you are more surrounded by 'normal' eating and feel more comfortable eating during the day?
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 22-07-2012 at 04:38 PM.
Reason: MOAR THINGS to add.
I understand. I'm trying my best to pull myself back after an 'anorexic phase' and here there are several of my Muslim colleagues fasting for Ramadan. It can be hard, I know.
Narcissa, i'm currently reading 50 Shades of Grey, so your comment about our relationship being intriguing really made me laugh! It's just ease of reference :)
This is where my rational thoughts just get eaten up by my irrational ones. I agree that if managed correctly it's perfectly easy to remain healthy. I think still partically, my jealousy just niggles away at me. And i think i possibly do worry about him. He has a slim build and is athletic, but he lets him emotions govern his hunger. He's been going through a rough time at home for a while now and doesn't always eat healthily. I'm skeptical. But what worries me aswell is that at home i have an involved family whith whom i eat dinner with every night, as well as sibling always around, but he is increasingly on his own so i worry if he's sad he'll let eating slip.
Although, i think this is more me putting my thoughts onto him. I'm sure i judge myself against him, and this makes me feel terrible. I feel so so bad to be triggered by his build. It's not my business to be bothered by how slim and strong he is. I think this is a good point to ask about; i'm really unsure how to avoid being bothered by people thinner than me. I feel so shallow and judgmental saying this, because this isn't like me.
He knows i've found this difficult before, but i haven't brought it up this year.
It's reassuring to know i'm not alone Stellata. I hope you manage to remain healthy.
I have heard of this Shades of Grey malarky, but have no idea what it is! Jennafail :p
I can understand your jealousy, and it sounds tough =S Can you try to challenge those thoughts of jealousy by remembering that losing weight/restricting isn't really all that much fun?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : boring story aside to try to explain my rambly point
Like, I am In Recovery from le anorexia, and I find it insanely difficult to deal with people who are losing weight or restricting. But I know that I need to try to remember that I am recovering because ultimately recovery is so much better than relapse. Whilst in the short term I may be deeply jealous of those who are still 'actively' anorexic, as you may be jealous of your boyfriend fasting and possibly using that as an excuse for him to restrict, in the long run there is a reason I have chosen recovery, and that is because it is better. I have no idea if that makes any sense at all =S
Is there any chance you could invite him round to eat with you and your family? I imagine sunset is quite late these days, but maybe it could be a fun family event every so often to have a breaking the fast meal?
How long before Ramadan is over?
In more general news, what is it that bothers you about people being thinner than you?
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Crude description of 50 Shades
It's an erotic novel, based on a BDSM relationship. But loosely definied as
'smut' and 'mummy porn'
Thank you for your reply Jenna, i really do appreciate it.
You make alot of sense, and i think that is something i so have to remind myself of. But, and this seems like an ED cliche, i have never been ill enough to warrent 'recovery'. I barely even need to normalise my eating, because nothing is wrong.
Ramadan is over in a couple of weeks. Although, i think the thing that bothers me the most is that this is someone close to me. In my immediate family, i have always been the thinnest. I wish i knew why people being thinner than me bothers me so much because i really feel this is not like me. I shouldn't be this shallow or judgemental. I just avoid verbalising this as so not to hurt people. He gets rather upset when i mention myself or him in that way.
I don't feel that worthy of posting in this board. I'm sorry.
Hehe, yeah I asked some of my friends what 50 shades of grey was, and they told me I would not like it :p
God, I can very much relate to you feeling like you're not ill enough to warrant recovery! But at the end of the day, as I'm sure you know, you will never feel ill enough! Pretty sure I thought that once I was 'thin enough' to be clinically anorexic it would be enough, but of course it wasn't. And even now, I almost wish my BMI had gone down lower and then I could be justified in saying I was recovering, but I know that that wouldn't of been enough either, so I'm just trying to focus on recovery, because trying to make oneself 'ill enough' is a dangerous and pointless path to go down!
How is Ramadan going now?
In terms of wanting to be thinnest, do you think it is linked to attractiveness? Like, do you see being thin as an attractive quality? Or could it be linked with looking ill? I dunno, those are just two of the ideas that came to mind about wanting to be thinnest. Or could it even just be related to identity? I was always the skinny one out of me and my sister, and when she started to head in the direction of anorexia I remember being filled with utter rage, and I am ashamed to say that I think a lot of that was because I didn't want her to take my place as the 'thin one', because that was my identity.
Ugh. I don't think I'm making a lot of sense here, sorry...
And for the record, I think you have every right to be posting on this board. Please don't worry about that!
