Going inpatient again

carly011 · 15-10-2015, 04:30 PM

COULD BE TRIGGERING:
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Hi everyone....I don't know when the last time I even came on this board was. a little about me: I'm 22 years old, diagnosed anorexia(restrictive type), BPD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and possible bipolar 1. struggle with self harm and suicide.

So last august, a little over a year ago I was hospitalized for a serious overdose. I was placed in the psych unit. Well in the psych unit I was struggling a lot...and very non compliant. I ended up being in psych for 5 months. 4 of those months was spent on a 1-1 with a feeding tube. I also ended up getting committed(sectioned/court ordered). Was about to be sent to a state psych hospital. i finally improved enough to go to an eating disorder program for 4 months. I've been out of inpatient/residential since march and finished day programming in June.

Anyways- I am still committed/sectioned--it was originally 6 months, then got extended an additional 9 months. its up in 90 days but they may re-commit me.

Recently i've been struggling with my eating a lot and have lost quite a bit of weight. They are admitting me to an ED inpatient monday (sanford in north dakota). Well logically i know i probably need it my mind is still freaking out!

I'm having panic attacks over it, I've started self harming again after 2 months clean, more suicidal thoughts, wanting to run away.

I have been inpatient many times--15+ and i just don't know if i can do it again. I'm terrified. I feel so hopeless, like i can never recover so why try. Everyone says i look so sick, so thin but if thats true then why can i see all the fat everywhere?? i can feel it!

yeah.... i don't know what my question is. i just needed to say that.

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 17-10-2015, 12:00 PM

I can really empathize with you, I too have been inpatient on 3 separate occasions for my ED & next week I'll be admitted for my 4th.

I can understand how scared you must be as I'm feeling pretty much the same, however, You've done this before, You've made changes & you've engaged in treatment. You can do this.

Have you been to this hospital before? Do you know what its like? If not, have you looked around? I visited my ward the other day & felt better knowing where I was going.

How about your family, are they supportive? Could you talk to them?

My main advice would be to talk to staff about how you're feeling when you get there, be open & honest. Recovery is a huge battle & you will have ups & downs but as I said before, You can do this. I'd imagine, as you've been IP so many times, you're feeling a bit hopeless that things can ever change, but I promise you they can. How are you feeling about recovery? Do you want to get well?

x x x

themermaid · 02-11-2015, 02:50 PM

I'm sorry you have to go back, I recently got out of inpatient and I know how scary it is. Its okay to be scared and sad, you're alive and thats an amazing thing and I am, and i bet a lot of us are, very proud of you. Is there a new outlook you could have this time around in inpatient? for example if you were too shy to talk about your an to one of the therapists/nurses/etc. maybe this time you could push yourself too. Good luck hun, remember to bring lots of cozy blankets and slippers <3