what is "normal eating" eating?

[carpediem]

How can someone's perception of what is normal eating be so thrown out of whack?! I used to know, how can things change so drastically?

My body and mind no longer knows what is normal anymore. I sat down today to try and have a PB&J for a snack, that I was hungry so I should eat. I had my sandwich, but so badly wanted some oreos and milk so I did (I knew at this point that I was going to end up purging). After having that I wanted cheese, pepperoni, and crackers so I had that too. Needless to say, I ended up purging. I tried to give my body what it wanted, I had a sandwich which sounded good. I just kept grabbing more though, knowing what it was going to result in.

I told my therapist last week (who is trying to get me to cut down on my daily purging) that I would try and use good coping skills to deal with my anxiety with food. Since my Tuesday meeting, and telling her I would try, I have done so once, only once. The one time I tried a healthy coping skill I felt terrible as the night went on, I felt so big. I found myself wishing I had, then I wouldn't have felt so terrible about myself. I told myself today I would not purge, that went down hill after the sandwich. I feel like such a disappointment, I can't even give it an actual go.

I have no idea how to tell when I am actually hungry, or when I am just stuffing my face which will result in a purge. How do you figure this out? How do I know when I am actually hungry, or when I am just going to binge and purge?

Someone please help...

[Sooty]

It sounds like you're thinking in a very 'all or nothing' manner which I can relate to immensely. It's like you need to climb the ladder a step or two to reach things (the sandwich) but then you have to keep on climbing until you topple off the edge. Hunger is a weird one that can strike at any time. It's easy to ignore but as soon as you give in to it a little it wooshes in and takes over into a giant binge. I see hunger like a panther waiting to pounce but remember panthers can be tamed. Eating at rigid times I find helps. I have lunch at midday every day and I've trained my hunger to only arrive at that time. Also chewing gum is a godsend for stopping at just the one snack. Have the gum ready, eat the sandwich and then chew the gum straight afterwards and hopefully the urges to eat more will taper off as you get distracted.

I am glad to hear that you've told your therapist about this and that you can start your journey together in exploring your eating issues and taking control of them. You say this...

"Since my Tuesday meeting, and telling her I would try, I have done so once, only once."

...as if it is a failure. This is very much a SUCCESS! Being able to use good coping skills even once is an achievement. It's not going to be easy but you've shown that you are very capable and with the right help your 'once' could turn into twice and then 'frequently' then 'often' then 'mostly' then 'always'. Good luck and take care.

Sophie.x