New here....need honest advice
I am really hoping I don't break any rules here....please let me know if I have. I don't ever want to trigger anyone.
I have had an anorexia for 27 years. I spent my 20s in and out of hospitals but was able to stay stable for 15 years after my last hospitalization. I relapsed last year and ended up inpatient for 4 months. I gained the weight they expected but I could not tolerate it (I was abstolutely miserable) and immediately upon discharge I started severely restricting. In the month since I have been home I have lost what I had gained and am eating very, very little at the moment (and I have been purging what I have been eating). I can't seem to find a therapist who will work with me because they feel I should be in residential or inpatient. My weight isn't that bad (compared to my lowest weights in the past) but they are basing it on my current patterns.
Problem is I have 3 children that I have already deserted for treatment for 4 months and one of them needs surgery soon - so leaving is not an option (aside from the fact that I have a job we need the income from). Do you think it is feasible to do partial? The partial programs here have told me they want me inpatient first but again I simply will not do it. I feel so trapped and I am scared.