Beyond repair.

[chinahorse]

Thank you.

I've been to town. Managed to do everything I planned and avoid the torrential downpour of now.

I don't feel able to call crisis. I don't have anything to say to them.

[one_step_closer]

Well done, that was good timing too by the sounds of it.

Do you feel like you need some support though? Or will you be ok for now? Do crisis have a set time to see you again?

[tiptoes]

You are strong. You are brave. You are resilient

You are not beyond repair, you are awesome and can do more than you can ever imagine.

Thinking of you

[Pi.R^2]

Well done for getting things done yesterday. I know rebuilding your life feels impossible right now, but I imagine that at some point going into town and getting stuff done felt impossible too. One step at a time, one day at a time, you can do this.

When do you next see the crisis team?

[chinahorse]

Thank you all <3

You're right little steps at a time.

Crisis came today and it was positive. They are going to help me rebuild things. Starting with applying for benefits and going for a coffee on monday. I was also able to communicate to them that shits hit the fan if I call them.

Plan for the rest of the day is to have a bath and dinner and snuggle on the sofa.

[chinahorse]

I'm playing fetch with bertie atm and then will run a bath.

[one_step_closer]

That's really great to hear Lillie, I'm so glad you have support and you managed to communicate things. Sounds like a good plan for the rest of the day. Keep focusing on the present moments and not so far ahead that things become overwhelming.

[chinahorse]

My mood is really plummeting. And I cant make myself do anything.

[one_step_closer]

What might help you get going with something? I think inactivity can make things worse since you've got so much time to think and it lowers your energy further. Do you know what's getting you down?

[chinahorse]

I'm just so useless. Worthless. Pointless.

Literally everything is giving me anxiety. Even going to the loo and making a cup of tea.

I have no idea what to do with myself.

[chinahorse]

Strong thoughts of self harming. I'm already ruined so it doesn't matter.

[not_so_insig]

I think that you have to be gentle with yourself. You aren't ruined. Just keep on going baby steps and all that.

[chinahorse]

I can't keep going. It's too much.

[tamobhuuta]

What's happening? X

[chinahorse]

I'm so so anxious. For no reason. Tried some colouring but got worried I was using the wrong colours. Nearly didn't make it to the loo because I couldn't move.

I'm not this person. I can't exist like this. Why do people keep me alive?

[tamobhuuta]

Sometimes I find going for a walk helps with anxiety.

[one_step_closer]

You're bound to be struggling with all of the changes of being home from hospital. I think you can become less anxious, it takes time. What helps with your anxiety? Do you know any breathing exercises that are useful? You are alive because you deserve to be alive and feel better. You do have potential, things are just really hard right now and not where you'd like them to be. Is there anyone you can talk to tonight?

[chinahorse]

I'm too scared to sleep. I think the stalker is watching me again. Because I haven't properly hurt myself in 2 weeks the equilibrium is upset. I pulled a toenail off but that doesn't count.

I tried colouring and mindful drinking tea.

I can't ring crisis. The man will hear.

[nonperson]

Did you manage to get any sleep?

Well done for trying some distractions. What do you think the man will realistically be able to do if he does overhear you ring crisis? Are they visiting you today?

Apologies for all the questions there.

[chinahorse]

I had no sleep last night. Did have a nap on the sofa at 7am.

I'm worried he will punish me.

I don't have a next appointment with crisis. They are calling today. Hope I can explain to them and that they understand.

Feel too horrible to do anything.