Triggering (SI) - i want it... NOW ... pretty rant-ish

[perfect façade]

Okay, so i haven't cut in 6 weeks and 4 days,well 6 weeks 5 days in ten minutes (^_^)

But at the moment, i'm a tad confused.
I actually WANT to cut, and to be honest, i'm not urging as such.

I mean life, i hate to admit, is pretty hard at the moment, parents divorcing, rape flashbacks, bad dreams, mixed up feelings ...

And yeah okay, **** happens, to everyone, alot, and to be fair, i have been through worse and not SI'ed . . .

And that's what's confusing, i have an amazing support network, and i KNOW i can get through tonight without SI'ing ...

But i don't WANTto ... i WANT to cut, to have tht unique feeling as my blood runs down my arm ...

That sounds really sick and twisted, but honestly, i'm really cravng it ... And even though i keep having this feeling of wanting it, i also DON'T WANT to let down this amazing guy who's supporting me, i don't want to have to put all my t-shirts away again, to feel bad, ashamed and guilty . . .

I guess what i'm aiming at is wanting to know if it's normal to 'crave' SI ? To WANT it rather that NEED it ...

I'm pretty sure i won't cut . . . But is this even normal ? These 'wrong' feelings, are they somehow normal ?

x x x

[shadowedseraph]

I can't tell you if these feelings are normal but i can tell you that i get them too, the craving to SI is terrible, but the best thing you can do is keep distracted and eventually they will fade :) well done on your 6 weeks 5days your doing fab!

[Tuesday]

I think it's perfectly normal. Well, if it isn't then we're both weird :P I actually crave it quite often :/ Even when I don't really have a good reason or anything. Like, I'll be happy and just randomly feel like cutting 0_o I guess it's the addiction aspect of it, and maybe just associating it with feeling better? I really don't know why but you're definitely not alone. xx

[TinkerDebs]

6 weeks is aboslutely amazing and you've done really well to get this far
i caouldn't tell you if what you are feeling is normal because there is nothing to dictate what normal is - and so therefore we can all be normal in our own individual ways - so just because you dont think these feelings aren't right - doesnt mean they are automatically not normal
is it possible that you feel the need to cut yourself so people can se4e things are hard fopr you at the moment - like as a cry - rather than an urge to destroy yourself???
just try to remain distracted and keep busy and hoepfull y the craving will fade away
you may PM if you wish to chat *hugs*

[perfect façade]

I'm not too sure what it is really ...

I'm okay now, but i sort of miss it, like i dunno, like a smoker msses smoking, that knida thing.

Thnks for your answers !
x x