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Old 15-07-2020, 07:20 PM   #1
[Luna]
 
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Everything is falling apart again

I feel like I'm struggling to cope again and everything is falling apart.
I don't know how to stop it.

It's been a really, really tough day. I've spent most of it arguing with my wife which has led to a few meltdowns on my part.

I had counselling this afternoon. It was our first session back face to face. I managed to stay grounded for majority of the session but towards the end I was hearing voices telling me to go to the train station and do something dangerous. I was trying to tell my counsellor but was becoming more and more dissociated. She worked really hard to keep grounded but I lost time.

According to my wife, my counsellor messaged her asking if she could come pick me up. I was really out of it and kept trying to leave but my counsellor didn't think I was safe enough so kept the door locked until my wife arrived. Apparently I freaked out when my counsellor tried to take me to the car and ran. All I remember is being in the street hyperventilating and being really confused.

It's not been long since I had quite a bad crisis and it feels like things are slipping that way again. I can see the pattern repeating but I don't know what to do about it. I feel scared and powerless.

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Old 16-07-2020, 03:18 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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I'm sorry you're going through all this. How are you after yesterday. If you feel a recurring behaviour/feeling then then you should definitely talk to someone you trust so that they might have some ideas for preventing it's recurrence. It may not even happen, you might be further anxious due to your worries about things showing up again.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-07-2020, 10:16 PM   #3
[Luna]
 
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Thank you so much for replying.

Today has been a really difficult day again and I’m left feeling pretty broken.
Things are spiralling. I’m in so much pain.

Tomorrow is a trauma anniversary and I don’t know how I’m going to cope.
I don’t know who to trust anymore.

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Old 17-07-2020, 04:57 PM   #4
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I know today is really hard for you. *hugs* Just stopping by to see how you're doing?







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Old 19-07-2020, 01:16 AM   #5
Unbreakable.
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How are things by now?

What type of support do you currently have and could that be extended so you'd have something extra in place for the time being?

Thinking of you <3




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.



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Old 19-07-2020, 01:09 PM   #6
[Luna]
 
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Thank you guys.

I'm feeling very drained. I've lost my voices from all the screaming I did on wednesday and thursday. I feel emotionally exhausted.
I've also been feeling really lonely. It's my own fault for isolating myself, struggling to keep with friendships or just doing stupid things to piss people off (without intentionally doing it to piss people off).

I have a counsellor that I see privately because the mental health services have said for ages that have nothing therapeutic to offer me and keep discharging me without any help.

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Old 20-07-2020, 12:51 PM   #7
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I don't really have any advice but I want to send you lots of love and hugs x



So where the hell's my hope,
And why can't I just try?
You know I've lost a lot,
But I won't let this die.
I know I've got a friend up in the atmosphere,
And another reason not to fear the sky;
No, not tonight.


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Old 22-07-2020, 07:21 PM   #8
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Struggling a bit this evening.
Have been feeling overwhelmed all day and this evening I've been feeling strange. Restless. My mind feels buzzy, it feels like it's on fire.
I'm by myself because my wife has had to take my step-son to a&e and my son is with my mum.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so uncomfortable and wrong.

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Old 23-07-2020, 10:57 PM   #9
Unbreakable.
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How are you doing by now?
That sounds really unpleasant and stressful.

Soothing/relaxing activities are usually a good way to deal with restlessness.
Do you have any go to calming activities?

Sending love <3




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.



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Old 30-07-2020, 09:01 AM   #10
[Luna]
 
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Thank you Lana <3

I'm in a weird place.
This week has been pretty overwhelming and I'm trying to process some stuff.

I'm feeling super anxious this morning.
I'm sorry I'm not giving many details, my thoughts are quite disjointed.

Thank you so, so much for the ongoing support.

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Old 31-07-2020, 03:14 AM   #11
Unbreakable.
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I hope that things will slow down soon.

Fell free to PM me anytime if there's something you want to talk about that you don't feel comfortable posting <3




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.



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Old 31-07-2020, 09:50 AM   #12
[Luna]
 
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Thank you so much lovely, I really appreciate your offer.

This week has been an intense one. On Monday I had a couple of dissociative seizures, one was in front of my counsellor. I got really upset afterwards because I convinced myself that I was too much for my counsellor and that she was going to terminate our therapy. I emailed her about my concerns and her response was pretty vague. She said she wanted to talk to me and my wife about a plan going forward.

I went into quite a dark place. I worry that I'm 'too much' to be helped and that I'll just drown anyone that tried to work with me.

My session on wednesday was overwhelming but some really positive stuff came from it. She said her clinical assessment was that I have Complex PTSD and a dissociative disorder and that the EUPD diagnosis the MH services gave me is wrong. She expressed being really frustrated by the lack of appropriate support from services and the way they just leave me without any help unless it's short term crisis support.

We discussed treatment options going forward and she also wants to speak to my GP and refer me to a trauma clinic for a diagnostic assessment. She mentioned applying for funding but it might be the case that I have to fund it myself.

I'm going away tomorrow so won't see her again for a little while so I guess that gives me a while to process quite a lot of information.

My step-son is having an operation on his knee today so I'm worrying about him and hoping things go smoothly.

I'm feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed. I can't really pinpoint what's making me feel this way which is frustrating. Perhaps it's just the above.
xx

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Old 02-08-2020, 02:57 AM   #13
Unbreakable.
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You are not too much.
There is help out there and I believe that you absolutely can get better.

That sounds like a really productive session :)
Hopefully funding will be sorted.

I hope the operation went well!

That is a lot to deal with, you have every right to be struggling with so much going on. But you got this, even if it might not feel that way.




Humility over, I am amazing.

Fight for your dreams and your dreams will fight for you.



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Old Yesterday, 09:35 AM   #14
[Luna]
 
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Thank you.

I'm away for the week. It's nice to have a change of scenery but I'm feeling insanely anxious. I keep having loads of intrusive thoughts about people getting sick or hurt. I can't stop worrying.

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Old Yesterday, 09:18 PM   #15
Juella
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*sends safe hugs*
Do you find any distraction helpful? Can you ground yourself?
Wishing you the best.

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