Those of you that are seeking help or have seeked help for your mental health issues, did you have issues with trust and honesty, did you tell the whole story or a censored version, how did you overcome these issues?
I'm asking because a few weeks ago I managed to gather enough courage to book myself an appointment with the gp and actually go. This was a huge deal for me as 5 years ago before I had really fallen in to the abyss that is depression, when I was just walking around the edge, I saw a doctor who basically told me to get over it, he made me feel totally inferior, like it was all in my head and pathetic and I swore I would never ever put myself in that position again.
As I said, I actually went ahead with it and my intention was to be completely honest, but when I got in there that all went out the window, all I managed to do was mumble something about not being able to sleep and feeling a little bit low and even saying that made me feel like an utter tit. She did this ridiculous questionnairre thingy with these pathetic cliche questions which I completely lied my way through and she totted up my score at the end. I was thinking, just tell her the truth, tell her the truth, but I just could not do it, so I ended up with some sleeping tablets and an appointment for 2 weeks to see if I've "brightened up", and me feeling exactly like I did 5 years ago except this time it was all my own doing.
How can you get over the "embarrassment" factor, how do you lay yourself on the line and be truthful, how do you admit that you need help?
It takes time, when I first got help, I wasn't even really aware how ill I was. [this was 11 or so years ago] I was too terrified of anything mental health related, and was very unaware of what was what.
I didn't actually get to a dr's myself until the therapist I see now strongly encourged me, several years ago, because I needed some medication help to overcome the deep negativity that had so much become a part of my life.
I needed help many years ago. 20 or more years ago. [I'm 37 now, have only been getting proper help for the past 5 years]. Blame the school. Blame my parents. Blame 70s and 80s society for being so narrow minded and uninformed.
Anyway.
I hear how much you genuinely want to be honest and clear this time round. That should help.
I always take a written list to my dr. She's great, and I see her every few weeks.
Try to find out the best dr in your practice, one who feels comfortable with talking about depression and such, and who you feel comfortable with.
Hey,
I have experienced trust issues just like yours, that feeling of wanting or needing to get help but something just holding you back from being truthful?
First of all I want to say dont beat yourself up about it, ok so you haven't helped yourself but you do have the oppurtunity to make up for it at your next appointment. Dont dwell on the past but look forward to the future when you have the chance to start getting better.
Well, as soon as I told my doctor everything, things looked up a little. I'm not saying things are fantastic, they are pretty **** actually but not as bad as they would be if I hadn't spoken to my doctor.
I had trouble actually getting the words out, I often take a list to my doctor with any effects or troubles I am having, which are physical not mental so she knew that I used this method.
I will be honest with you now also, I went to the doctor 4 times to try and tell her I thought I was suffering from depression, yeh 4 times, and now I wish I had done it sooner the first time and got the REAL help I needed.
So that 5th time instead of going in there with lots in my head intending to say it I wrote it all down, yes there were pages and pages of it but my doctor sat there and read it all. Afterwards I felt comfortable with talking about it because I had done the big bit and informed my doctor of how I was feeling. I admitted to trying to talk the first 4 times and she understood completely and said that it happens very very often with any issues concerning mental health, because the patient has to describe everything, they cant jump onto a bed and their symptoms be seen and listed from looking.
I think in your next appointment you should perhaps say 'Look, when I came before I wasn't totally honest, I am hoping that you will understand because this is something I am finding very difficult.' and then go on to tell her how you are really feeling or give her something you have written down, and remember they have heard it probably a million times before, nothing can shock them.
She is there to help you, but she cannot help you if you don't tell the truth, trust me its for the best.
Please,please PM me or email me to let me know how you get on, I will be thinking of you. If you want any more advice or want to chat about this just contact me, I will be more than willing to help. Good Luck and Take Care. xxx
STRENGTH
||| R.I.P Matt. 11.09.06. Forever loved, forever missed and never forgotten. |||
