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Personal Piece- Contains upsetting material - "What's wrong?"
My boyfriend
That I love
Adore
Live for
Would die for
Asked me
"What's wrong"
...
Silence.
"Please tell me
I know
there's something
bothering you..."
...
...Fine.
School.
Everything about it.
It makes me feel like I'm
worthless and
useless and
pointless and
just... Less.
It makes me feel like
I'm less than I am...
And I feel like
I'm making
too many
things about me
unintentionally
and that I'm gonna screw this
and many other things up
because of it
and it's just
stressing me out that I
have to sell my beloved horse and
I miss him and
my heart is broken,
every time I think about that
I remember that Cookie is 10, and
he doesn't have much time left,
and that mom hates me and
always,
no matter what
treats Alexa so much better and
I've been in so much pain
for the past few days
between
accidents and
cysts and
cramps and
growing pains and
soreness and
bite marks and
cuts and
bruises from
raising a giant puppy and
there are just so many things
that went wrong today, and
I just want to give up
but I can't
and
there are too many words
in my mind
to write
and
too many morbid images
to draw
and
too many things to do
and
too many people to please
and
too many of
everything
and
not
enough
me...
I am one 15-year old girl.
I am not the genie
everyone's been waiting for.
I am not the messiah.
I am not god's mortal vehicle.
I am not anything but a mortal,
accidental,
pointless
little human that is
stuck in a world of delusion
and can't do a damn thing about it
but deal with bullshit everyday,
and quite frankly
I just don't want to do it anymore,
I just want to stop
all of it
except for what makes me happy and
feel like I'm not the
useless
idiot
school tells me I am,
or the
child
slave
my "mother" tells me I am,
or the
broken
spirit
my past tells me I am,
I am
what I am:
Human.
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