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Old 17-03-2020, 10:26 AM   #1
chinahorse
 
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CMHT have abandoned me, cant cope

I haven't gone into work today. Couldn't face it. Spent last night crying on the floor. Am overwhelmed. Am toxic. A disappointment. Be better if I died. Self harm is bad.

Call cmht. CPN is off for a few weeks. She is never ever there when I need her, historically too. I was promised therapy in the new year. Now on the 17th of March and no therapy.

I really am struggling to cope. I don't know what to do.



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Old 18-03-2020, 12:01 PM   #2
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I'm sorry the CMHT continue to let you down. Have you told them how difficult things are and they might be able to arrange for you to see a different CPN for a while? Do you have any outside of CMHT support?





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Old 20-03-2020, 04:12 PM   #3
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After a difficult week I phoned and asked to have a call from duty today. The receptionist was awful but the worker who phoned me was supportive, listened and was helpful.

I am still struggling a lot though. Thoughts of contamination and the Man saying I need to protect people are very bad and theres no end of worries relating to my job and the virus and what that means for the future.

Im not sure what to do about self harming. The level feels a bit out of control to me. As does not seeking medical help. But I cant stop or people would be at risk.



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Old 20-03-2020, 04:17 PM   #4
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I'm really glad the worker listened and was helpful. Are they going to keep in touch?

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Old 20-03-2020, 04:19 PM   #5
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No they aren't. But I can call back if I need to and a note will be made so that if/when my cpn gets in touch she can see it.

I feel begtter about being able to call again if I need to now.



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Old 20-03-2020, 05:23 PM   #6
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I don't know if this would be helpful. But the logic I am trying to hold onto is that putting myself in need of medical attention and/or emergency response would actually put more strain on hospitals and medical providers, thus endangering more people. So I am trying to keep myself as safe as possible so that others can get help if they need it.

Also just to add, I know that doesn't make it easy to do. I know it can be really difficult when you're struggling to try to stay safe. So I didn't meant to be insensitive. I'm glad you were able to phone and get some support. <3


Last edited by Auror. : 20-03-2020 at 06:59 PM.


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Old 20-03-2020, 06:08 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auror. View Post
I don't know if this would be helpful. But the logic I am trying to hold onto is that putting myself in need of medical attention and/or emergency response would actually put more strain on hospitals and medical providers, thus endangering more people. So I am trying to keep myself as safe as possible so that others can get help if they need it.
This is the way I am trying to think too.

Keep calling Duty when you need to. All support in my area is over the phone right now, I'm not sure what it's like in your area, but Duty are there while you wait for your CPN to get back to you.

Please take care.





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Old 20-03-2020, 10:16 PM   #8
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I think from what you've said that you need to seek some medical help for your self harm. The 'the hospitals are busy' argument is great for self-harm prevention but it sounds as though you've already done things which require medical attention and it is still for the best to get such things seen to.

You said it felt out of control; what can you do to try to pull that back under control? Perhaps reducing access to tools/items would be a good first step.



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 25-03-2020, 08:55 AM   #9
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I can't go to hospital. I'm sure they would be horrible to me now more than ever.

Thinge became real the last few days, hugely reduced hours at my job even though Im a key worker. Friends wedding cancelled, Hen do cancelled, hair cut cancelled. Its my birthday tomorrow and I live alone and wont see anyone now.

I keep having horrific panic attack and am barely sleeping due to anxiety which is making things worse. The self harm is bad.

Im tryin to reach out to friends and talk about the situation as its been suggested that may help me not to feel so alone.



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Old 25-03-2020, 04:55 PM   #10
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I know this isn't helpful, but my mom phoned her dentist (here in the US) today and he told her that he had to lay all of his staff off, as he can only take emergencies. So even though it is medical and considered essential, things are rough. So it wouldn't be personal.

Are you able to do video chats with people? I find that more helpful than phone calls. Maybe you could arrange something like that for your birthday?

If you think you need medical attention, can you phone a nurse line or your GP to ask what you should do instead of hospital?



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Old 25-03-2020, 08:01 PM   #11
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So Im lucky I have a job and am ungreatful to be struggling. Thats what youre saying. Gee. Thanks.



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Old 25-03-2020, 09:32 PM   #12
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I know you’re struggling and have been for a long time and there isn’t an excuse for not getting support etc. I really think you’ve misinterpreted what Auror has said though. I think Auror was trying to suggest that your reduction in hours is not personal (in case you thought it was), rather than suggesting you ‘shouldnt’ be struggling etc.

Was there anything, no matter how small that you learnt or tried in the TC that maybe you could recoil at again?





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Old 25-03-2020, 10:05 PM   #13
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As said, I was trying to say that having your hours reduced wasn't personal or related to how you do your job.

You're absolutely allowed to be struggling. We are all struggling with this, even folks who don't normally have mental health issues are struggling. That doesn't at all minimize your struggles. I'm unsure why you took what I said the wrong way, but if my posts are unhelpful to you, you can absolutely tell me and I won't post on your thread anymore.



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Old 30-03-2020, 02:58 PM   #14
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I feel so isolated and low and pointless. And the panic attacks have started back with a vengeance and I just feel like I cant cope.



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Old 30-03-2020, 03:28 PM   #15
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Is there anyone at all you have contact with, over the phone etc. I know it's all really hard right now and I recognise that it was hard for you before all of this virus stuff.





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Old 30-03-2020, 07:00 PM   #16
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I speak to my dad and grand parents. I'm also messaging others. It doesnt feel like it helps though. I just want a hug.

I feel so useless. I am so evil. I cant cope with myself.



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Old 31-03-2020, 02:46 PM   #17
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It's not the same as being physically close to people, I can understand your need for something more than talking to people from a distance. Can Bertie be cuddly with you?

You are not useless or evil and I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I think we're all having to learn ways to cope with ourselves if we're alone a lot of the time. What are you doing with your days?





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Old 31-03-2020, 06:26 PM   #18
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I'm trying to keep motivated and have cleaned the house a room a day. Am calling my dad a lot more and making contact t with my mum who is so far being nice. I'm making myself shower every day and eat a meal. I'm doing crochet.

I just feel useless. I'm technically a key worker. But the government wont give us the right PPE so our governing body wont let us work. I've gone from 40 hours a week to 16. I'm so worried about money if this doesnt stop soon.

I am evil. I am cutting it out but it's not enough.



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Old 31-03-2020, 08:09 PM   #19
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It sounds like you're trying really hard. Stick to your routine if you can and also try and add in some different things some days so it doesn't become further monotonous.

The does sound worrying about your work situation. I really hope something gets sorted soon.

I don't think you're evil. And I'm not sure if you can cut out evil, maybe it's not enough because you're not evil. You don't have to be cutting 'enough'. Please try to be kinder to yourself. The world is unkind right now and you don't need yourself on your back too.





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Old 31-03-2020, 08:53 PM   #20
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Theres no hope for the future. I cant live like this for months on end. Theres no happiness anywhere.i cant cope with the emotions I have.



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