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Old 05-07-2017, 11:25 AM   #1
UnanimousAnonymous
 
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I'm broken and they think they can save me.

I'm being made to go inpatient again.
I took an overdose on Saturday but nobody told me how serious it was.
Today the crisis team have come out and are getting a bed for me. What was horrid is that one of the crisis team members that came, I know personally. It's humiliating to have people see me like it, especially people who I know.
I feel utterly broken and defeated and don't think I will ever be ok.
This next week is going to be hard enough but even more so now that I won't get to spend my last nights at home.
Why am I so useless?
Why can't I just pull myself together?
I don't deserve help.

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Old 05-07-2017, 12:43 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Did you get treatment for your od? Are you going in voluntarily? Please take care sweetie. You will pull through. I know you will but as hard as it may be this could be the changing point. X



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Old 05-07-2017, 12:56 PM   #3
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The emergency services smashed my back door to get in as my dad called them saying he was concerned. I was unconscious and when I came around the next day I had no idea what had happened. I left the hospital against medical advice on Monday night.
I don't want to go into hospital but they said they will get me assessed if I don't agree to go. If they don't find a bed today then crisis team will come back tonight and they hope I will have a bed tomorrow.
The thing is, last time they made me go IP, I was treated horrifically at the local ward and discharged home with no meds and alone 2 days later even after them saying I was a 'chronic high risk but it's a chance they were willing to take'.
I'm scared the noise and stress of it will bring on more seizures, I'm scared I'm going to get fat, I'm so anxious I haven't been leaving my house and I'm not sleeping and yet I'm going to be be forced to face other people which will make things even worse.
I don't feel strong enough to carry on.

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Old 05-07-2017, 02:08 PM   #4
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The problems we face seem so overwhelming you just feel crushed by them, and don't know where to begin. The key to dealing with lots of problems is always the same: Bit by bit. Don't try to deal with them all at the same time.

Think positive that the horrible things things you worry might happen, won't happen. Thinking positive can be very difficult, but worrying is the worst.

You deserve success and happiness, and you will get there.




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Old 05-07-2017, 08:00 PM   #5
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Thank you guys.
I'm in A&E because crisis team came back to tell me there were no beds (they even bought me food) but they saw my SH and said I needed treatment and I wasn't safe to stay home so an ambulance was called. I guess I am stuck here overnight because they don't want to transfer me out of area even though there is a bed elsewhere.
I can't fault crisis team today though, they spent hours with me and the two I saw today (one I know personally) were so supportive. As was the paramedics.

I just hope I find the ward helpful this time as my last experience of this one was horrific. There are some staff there that I will not be allowing to treat me as they don't even deserve to be nurses.
I'm so frustrated to be taking up a bed yet in A&E yet again. They won't let me sit in CDU as it's not supervised enough :(

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Old 05-07-2017, 08:49 PM   #6
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I am so glad that the crisis team were supportive today, you deserve help and I really hope that you get it.



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Old 06-07-2017, 12:39 AM   #7
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I got moved to CDU and the nurse that is my 1-2-1 is lovely, but I'm still waiting for a bed and I have no sleeping pills, or my antiseizure drugs for that matter. He has tried to get it sorted.
I haven't slept in so long and I'm getting more and more anxious and agitated. I'm probably now not going to get a bed tonight and I'm worried about how my mental state will be...I feel like I'm going insane anyway.

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Old 07-07-2017, 12:38 AM   #8
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Hey, that's good news.
I'm sure staff will sort out the meds situation, hope it happens soon. And for now just hang on.
Did you tell your nurse about your insonmia? Maybe, you could ask for suggestions on how to deal with it while you don't have your meds? And also, do you have some things you like to do in the evening/night, that you find relaxing? Sometimes developing a sort of a calming ritual/routine for nighttime might help. Things like meditation, reading a nice book, listening to relaxing music, writing lists of things to do tomorrow, or good things that happened today, drinking tea (maybe even with a small snack), or calling someone you feel safe talking to (friends, family, anyone really) for a little chat might help with relaxing at night. Sort of like a bedtime ritual for toddlers. I'm not going to promise that it'll let you sleep well without medication, but at least it should lower anxiety and agitation. I don't think not going to bed at all is a good idea, but I understand that lying awake for hours sucks, so maybe just give it a shot and try to go to bed, and then if it doesn't work you can always get up?

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Old 07-07-2017, 09:57 AM   #9
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Hey, I finally got moved to the ward last night. I got zopiclone so I finally slept after days of none.
I think I may see the doctor today but I'm not sure.
I have been sick on a few occasions and I'm not sure if it's stress or something else.
It's so damn hot in here too but of course, no fans allowed.
We will see how things go.
Thank you for your support guys.

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Old 07-07-2017, 12:48 PM   #10
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I got discharged.
I went through all of that to be discharged not even 24 hours later.

I can't stop shaking.


Last edited by Aardbei : 25-07-2017 at 09:15 PM. Reason: Please see your PMs
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Old 07-07-2017, 03:10 PM   #11
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What happened to get you discharged? Was this the normal hospital you get admitted to? X



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Old 07-07-2017, 04:01 PM   #12
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Nothing happened, I was a bloody quivering wreck today, my anxiety is terrible. He just said I can be supported in the community even though crisis team, psych Liason and community team think I should be in hospital. This is the ward I was at when I was sectioned in march/April last year. Went to a different ward December/January then went back to this ward for 2 days in January.
The support staff today were angry and shocked that I was being sent home.
There is nothing I or my family or anyone can do. I had been open and honest with everyone but this psychiatrist is an asshole.
I have given up.

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Old 09-07-2017, 10:42 AM   #13
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Crisis team have sent me to A&E for the 3rd time this week. They didn't even call my last name at triage as they all know who I am. I want to run but crisis team said they would get the police to find me.
What is the point?
I don't care anymore.

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Old 09-07-2017, 02:10 PM   #14
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Oh sugar. What do you think about all this? Are you able to keep yourself safe? Things seem really hard fo you at the moment. Do you think an admission would help? X



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Old 09-07-2017, 02:17 PM   #15
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I don't know what to think.
I know I'm not in a great place and honestly, no I can't keep myself safe. Crisis team and psych Liason sent me to IP last week but the psychiatrist discharged me home 17hours later. Even if they sent me back he would just send me home again. He didn't even explain why.
I think that the psych thinks it's all because I'm being made homeless next week but it's not just that, its the fact that I have failed at everything and lost everything I worked so hard to get and it now feels like life isn't worth living.

I don't feel strong enough to rebuild my life because every time I have tried and I think things are looking up, it all falls apart again.

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Old 09-07-2017, 04:14 PM   #16
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Crisis team just bought me home, them and Liason deliberated over admitting me again but they agreed, it's pointless if I am just going to be discharged again tomorrow. They are phoning me tonight and visiting tomorrow morning and are going to try and get a med review tomorrow as I need something to stop the tremors, I literally can't stop shaking and all my muscles and joints hurt. I don't know how I'm going to cope tonight knowing it's my second to last night in my home. The tears are falling already.

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Old 09-07-2017, 08:55 PM   #17
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Lets hope at least new meds are going to help you feel a bit better. I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, I don't even know what to say other than I hope it gets better soon.

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Old 09-07-2017, 09:01 PM   #18
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My bestfriend just told me to kill myself quietly.
I can't stop crying as the last of my bags were packed up earlier as well.
I feel like I am done.
With everything.

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Old 09-07-2017, 10:00 PM   #19
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Can you call the crisis team? Or if not them a support line such a the Samaritan's.

I have had a friend kill themselves and I tell you this, all of us wish that they had spoken to us. It was unfair of your friend to say that to you. Please please reach out to somebody. I know you are going through an horrendous time right now. I can't believe how ridiculous the hospital was. This can pass. There will be a time when you can get back the things you have lost.



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Old 10-07-2017, 12:57 PM   #20
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I can't do this, I can't do this.
The crisis team psychiatrist also said he doesn't know how to help me.
I can't cope.
I can't face tomorrow.
I can't do it.
I cannot stop crying.
Suicidal thoughts are so intense.
I just want this all to end.

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