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Old 18-06-2017, 08:14 PM   #1
chinahorse
 
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I just can't anymore

I'm sorry to reach out here. I feel trapped by the hospital. I want to self harm so badly I die. I feel passively suicidal. I can't. I just can't and I don't feel heard. I want to die.



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Old 18-06-2017, 10:36 PM   #2
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It's good to reach out, there is no need to apologise.

Not feeling heard makes everything feel worse when you are struggling as does feeling trapped. I wonder whether you have been able to discuss these feelings with your treatment team?

I'm low on words right now so leaves hugs.



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Old 18-06-2017, 11:25 PM   #3
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Needing connections and support is nothing to apologise for. Can you say a little more about why you feel the hospital isn't listening? Have you told them about how bad things are at the moment with regards sh and suicidal thoughts? I won't bore you suggesting distraction techniques I'm pretty sure you know most of them, but wanted to pop my head in and say I care.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter


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Old 19-06-2017, 01:18 PM   #4
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I've talked in group about the injustice of tge place. It helped a bit.

The hospital don't know about my thoughts. I don't know what to say to them.

I'm tired of fighting.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 19-06-2017, 03:03 PM   #5
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I want to give up. I can't anymore. I can't.



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Old 22-06-2017, 12:58 PM   #6
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How do I deal with intrusive graphic thoughts of self harm and suicide?



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Old 22-06-2017, 11:10 PM   #7
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Is there anyone you can talk to about this?

I guess for me, I first try to remove any risks. I find the thoughts are worse when my brain knows there are methods around.

Are there any early signs that a thought process is turning intrusive and graphic?

I find counter arguments quite helpful telling my mind in detail how I am not going to allow that to happen.

I sometimes sing silly little repetitive songs like "I know a song that will get on your nerves" things on a loop.



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Old 23-06-2017, 06:24 PM   #8
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I'm low on words but thinking of you x

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Old 24-06-2017, 05:41 AM   #9
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By remembering you don't have to deal alone. I have to try to remember that people want to help. The thoughts feel intrusive, but it is ok to tell someone who is in a better position to guide you away from a crisis...





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Old 24-06-2017, 10:21 AM   #10
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I've tried telling them yo my therapist and that didn't help at all.

As for early signs I'm not sure. I mean I'm sure there are but I don't know.

Counter arguments is a good one if I can remember to do it. I just get so caught up in the fantasy tgat I forget.

I am trying to lean on the community as I'm in a therapeutic community rn but again we go home at weekends and that's when I'm most at risk. I will keep trying to reach out for support.



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Old 24-06-2017, 12:27 PM   #11
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Could you talk through the factors that make weekends high risk for you within the community and try and create a coping plan for those times?



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter


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Old 24-06-2017, 02:02 PM   #12
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This is what the community and I aim to do. I promise I'm trying but I just really want the graphic intrusive thoughts and images to stop.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 24-06-2017, 09:29 PM   #13
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Oh lovely please don't think I was implying you weren't trying I know you are just mentioned it as sometimes when I'm in state f panic forget things like that x



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter


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Old 26-06-2017, 08:09 PM   #14
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I've tried Carmen suggestion.

Sorry Katy.

I can't do this. I can't.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 26-06-2017, 08:15 PM   #15
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What's happening Lillie?

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Old 26-06-2017, 08:30 PM   #16
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I'm so triggered. So many graphic images. So many urges. I can't think of anything but blood and death. I'm scared.



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Old 26-06-2017, 08:36 PM   #17
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Sits with you.

is there anyone in your placement you can talk too?

Can we help you come up with a staying safe plan for this evening?



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Old 26-06-2017, 08:51 PM   #18
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I talked earlier. It made me feel no better.

I just had a shower and will do a face mask as an opposite action to the destruction. Beyond that I don't know.



Given enough tea I could rule the world.


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Old 26-06-2017, 09:16 PM   #19
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ok, shower and face mask sound like excellent ideas.

how are you getting on?



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Old 26-06-2017, 09:20 PM   #20
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I'm calmer. Still having the intrusive images and thoughts. If I act on them I'll get kicked out. I'm planning to do things in secret. No one understands that I need to do these things.



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