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Old 25-03-2016, 08:14 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: London
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operations for self harm

I feel really weird and bad about this. I've had a few skin grafts and operations in the past for self harm.

I miss the whole process of being put to sleep. Can anyone relate? Am I strange? I feel like I must be, what sort of person wants operations...? I don't think it's helpful and I'm trying to understand what's behind the feelings but i just have such a longing to be put to sleep.

Also, my self harm is never good enough. It's only 'good' if it results in an operation which hasn't happened for a while. I feel it's such a detrimental mind set to be in but i can't shake it. It leaves me in a panic as well because self harm, at the moment, is my coping mechanism but if its never good enough then that evokes a panic.

How do I get over this? Any wise words?

sticks and stones may break your bones but words can tear your heart out.

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Old 25-03-2016, 12:14 PM   #2
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Don't have too much advice as I'm still trying to wake up but maybe the whole being put to sleep is calming to you. You know how long you will be out so you know your mind will be at peace for that long. Maybe it's reassuring to know you'll be okay for that time?

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay," I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say "I know you're not."

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Old 25-03-2016, 03:10 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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I can relate. I 'enjoy' the feeling of being put to sleep. I can't explain why.

I don't have any wise words but I wanted you to know you're not alone.

Imperfection is underrated.

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Old 25-03-2016, 04:32 PM   #4
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I like anesthesia, too. It's relaxing and calming, and clears my mind. I don't want an operation, though. That's got to be expensive, too, even with insurance.

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Old 28-03-2016, 12:21 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2004

I hate the feeling of being put to sleep as I panic and last time it gave me horrible chest pain as I went under. Waking up is more pleasurable as I feel floaty and peaceful.

However, if you like the floaty/peaceful feeling then you can re-create that without having an operation. One way I do it is by lying down, closing my eyes and listening to reallllllllly relaxing music. After a while I float away with the music and forget I even have a body. It's nice. You can also do guided meditations/relaxations to achieve the same feeling. It's just an intense state of relaxation.

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.

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