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Old 21-02-2016, 08:26 PM   #1
Sheltie90
 
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Self harm first time in a while

I self harmed tonight, first time for a while. Theres parts of my life going great and others were but not so much now.

Ive started the pre assessment for dbt i think this week is my fourth week out of six, and last week we were dsscussing whether it was right for me to go back on it as things are stable(ish) and it could set me back. The thing is i really dont want to tell my therapist about tonight, shes given me a diary card to fill in and obviously i have to fill in whether ive self harmed or not but i want to say no. Ive come along way to how it used to be and i feel like an idiot for what ive done.

I did talk to my sister last night a bit but its nothing no one can advise me on. So im stuck. My mood has proper flat lined since friday evening and i dont know what to do for best.





The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. DON'T GIVE UP IN THE MIDDLE x x


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Old 23-02-2016, 12:09 AM   #2
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Heya,

I'm sorry to hear you felt so bad tonight, but well done for not having done it for a while before that - that's a brilliant achievement, and this doesn't take away from that.

I can understand how that must feel, and it sounds like a difficult position to be in. I would recommend if you can to really try to be honest about the self-harm. You can write how you feel about that on the diary card even - that you feel like an idiot for it and you know you've come a long way. These things will happen sometimes, the most important thing you can do is to take it as a learning curve, and it sounds like you're doing that.

I do hope you can continue with the DBT and that it's helpful, I know it has really good feedback from people.










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Old 23-02-2016, 02:25 AM   #3
PassedExpectations
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Do you want to talk about what is going well and not going so well in your life right now? I know I find it really difficult when things that I thought I had running smoothly start being problematic again. I know that everything can't go well all of the time, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle when things go wrong.




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



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Old 23-02-2016, 01:36 PM   #4
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Thank you both for your replies. Ill try writing it down for her and give it to her. I did do it for a while a few years ago and it was really helpful but i ended up in hospital for quite a while and had to stop going.

Ive started a veterinary support assistant course, its home learning, after that im hoping to go onto train to be a veterinary nurse. Ive also applied for my provisional license, so thats all positive. Im also in a relationship, which is the bit thats taken the toll.

Hes lovely, and im starting to fall for him, but hes so immature. When hes got money he prefers to buy speakers, at the moment hes got no money at all, hes got baliffs coming because hes not paid hes council tax. Its not the money that bothers me as such its whats going happen next, ive read that he could possibly go to jail. I cant let him live with me because i cant afford it.

Its just stressing with my head all the what ifs and that. Also next month will be 6years since my mum died, the month after is a year since i lost one of my dogs and the month after that i found out my other dog was terminally ill. So it all mixed together is a right head f.





The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. DON'T GIVE UP IN THE MIDDLE x x


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Old 24-02-2016, 12:54 AM   #5
PassedExpectations
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Wow, that is a lot going on at once.

The veterinary course sounds really cool. Are you enjoying it? It is great that you're working towards something. What has drawn you towards veterinary medicine? I had to take my dog in a few days ago and had a really interesting conversation with one of the other women waiting there who happened to also work at a vet's office.

Do you feel that talking with your boyfriend about your concerns would be effective? Sometimes if you approach issues from a direction of "I'm concerned because I'm seeing x and it could lead to y, which I don't want for you" people can be more responsive to problem solving. However, you know your boyfriend and I don't, so you would have a much better chance at predicting whether or not money is an issue that you can broach with him.

Anniversaries can be really tough... is there anything you can do to remember your mother in a positive way? What types of self-care can help you get through the next month?




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)
Katie


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Old 25-02-2016, 03:19 PM   #6
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I am enjoying it, ive just had my first assessment back and passed, so quite glad about that. Ive always wanted to work with animals and always wanted to be a vet but i think they carry a lot of stress so at least with being a nurse its still hard work but i enjoy caring for animals and since my dogs last year i know quite a bit about kidney failure which id love to pass my knowledge onto other people in the same situation.

I cant really talk to him in depth about things too much as he just shrugs everything off, hes from a country where emotions are quite closed down. If im upset and that he does ask whats wrong but i cant tell him because hes just like it doesnt matter cant do nothing about it.

Ive got a nice heart to put on mums grave for mothers day, and we usually put flowers up there. I think me and my ssster are travelling to see my dad in the evening so im hoping i can keep busy by cleanining and packing during the day





The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson. DON'T GIVE UP IN THE MIDDLE x x


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