I have been struggling with schizophrenia for years now,
But I recently moved across the country. I was fine for a while, but the schizophrenia symptoms got very bad and I was committed. I stayed in the hospital for a month.
My "friend" said she was supportive of me and that she understood how I was feeling because she has bipolar. In the hospital I was put on clozapine and the doctor said I had "treatment-resistant" schizophrenia. At which time, I told my "friend" and she said she had "treatment-resistant" bipolar...
So I was thinking, "wow, she must really understand me!"
After a while, the voices started to come back, so I talked to her about it. She was pretty rude to me, saying things like, "If you're not taking your medication, I am not going to play these games with you..." And after that, she started picking fights with me over really, really stupid things.
It started to feel as though she was looking for a reason to stop talking to me?
Anyway, I avoided her for a while, because it was obvious that she DID NOT understand me and that she was getting tired of me "hearing voices" and have symptoms...
Eventually, she dropped me from her Discord server and hasn't given me a reason why. This hurt especially because I literally just found out that she dropped me just as family drama was getting bad and the voices were going haywire and I NEEDED someone to talk to...
I feel like she abandoned me.. And all because she thinks I'm "too much" or something.
This isn't the first time I've lost friends because of my schizophrenia, but it feels awful every time...
I don't know what to do anymore. It's getting to the point where I purposely avoid people who claim to have mental illness other than schizophrenia because they honestly don't have a clue what it's like. I feel alone.
I know it hurts, but its good to know how "friends" really feel as soon as possible before we invest too much into one-sided friendships.
Rather than avoid people with mental illness, you could realize, since we know what its like personally to struggle every day ourselves, perhaps (close) friendship can be challenging and unpredictable at times so casual friendship works better and removes some of the pressure to expect someone to be there when they may not be healthy enough themselves. Also.. we need to better guard ourselves form that feeling of abandonment.
I have been struggling with people abandoning me for years.
It feels like I always annoy people or piss them off when I talk about my schizophrenia.
I try to listen to my friends when they have problems, especially those that have mental health problems like me,
But so often, when I talk about my mental health, they get snarky or they ignore it abandon me.
It hurts so much every time it happens, but it happens so often I feel alone and I want to isolate.
How are things now with your mental health, has the symptoms lessoned. I found that having people with mental illness really supported me whereas friends who don’t have it I feel they bored of me or don’t understand what I go through on daily basis. How about getting to know people when you are in the hospital and your mental health is managed.
Do you ever get a few hours of the day break from the condition, sorry I cannot spell it.
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
The voices have been the same...
I keep hearing my abuser's voice and it's confusing me I feel like everywhere I go, he's following me
..I talke to my "friend" and she said that the reason she dropped me from her discord chat was because she felt that I wasn't "supportive" enough
According to her, she said she "broke herself" trying to be there for me and be supportive (which, I feel is a lie because she often got snarky with me when I talked about the voices or when I was having symptoms...) she said that when *she* needed me I "wasn't there". :(
I feel like it's a toxic friendship, I have a busy life and I can't always talk, but I was there for her as often as I could, and I didn't want to be on her "bad" side (which came out often)... I want to be there for her, but I am not a therapist... and I feel like she put a lot of pressure on me to be her "rock"
The thing is, I'm trying to but she doesn't engage with me when she needs me, then she blames me for "not being there" when she never reached out to me in the first place...