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Old 09-10-2015, 08:26 AM   #1
crackednotbroken21
 
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Defeated

I've been feeling broken lately, I try to focus on the positive and the good things in my life but it's so hard right now. My boyfriend and I have been struggling finacially do to a new job I took at the begining of the summer. I recently got my dream job, it's great and I am loving it, yet I am getting ready to walk away from it because I can't support my family financially on it. We make just enough money to pay the bill, buy food and gas but that's it. There is nothing left over for extra spending and no money to put in savings for our future. No way for us to pay off debts or move forward in our future. Its soul crushing to realize that the only job I have ever enjoyed and want to work I have to walk away from. It's very painful to write that. I have to give up on of the best jobs I've had, I feel like I'm loosing something wonderful and it sucks. I am loosing something wonderful and I'm walking away from an opportunity I will not come across again. My boyfriend currently works part time delivery pizza's he actually make good money but it's not enough to support both of us. And while I'm stressing and frustrated about work and money we just found out my boyfriends Dad has Cancer. I now feel even worse because I'm trying to fight off my depression losing a job i love and now he's dads sick. How can I even think of myself in at this time. Tonight its been very hard no to SI, it's been 3 years since I last hurt myself and I never felt the need more than tonight. I don't know what to do any more. Can I just hid in bed with the cat for a while, that what i really want.



You probably don't understand, most people don't. You will never understand how much anger, how much self-hatred someone must have to take a razor to themselves and cut into their own skin.

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Old 09-10-2015, 07:44 PM   #2
mikey
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Hello,

I'm sorry you've got a lot going on at the moment. If you want to hide in bed with the cat for a while and have a good cry then that's absolutely fine. I understand and sometimes it's okay to give yourself a break from stress.

With regards to your job, it sounds like you absolutely love it and don't want to give it up. Is there anyway you could work to get promoted? Can you do the same job at a different place and earn more? Can you do the job independently? I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense but you didn't say what it was.

Your concerns about walking away from your dream job are completely valid and I understand the loss (I have been there and it still hurts to this day), so don't think this isn't important because it is. Unfortunately we all have to work to earn enough money to live on and it sounds like that's a struggle at the moment. Could you continue with this job and do something extra to earn a little more? Could your boyfriend work full-time instead of part-time? Relationships are about compromise.

In regards to your boyfriend's dad, the only thing you can do is to be there for him and his family. That requires you to be well enough yourself.

You're going through a lot. It's okay to take a break and step back sometimes.

Take care



There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

Terry Pratchett


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Old 11-10-2015, 06:14 AM   #3
crackednotbroken21
 
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Thanks I really do wanna hid bed for a while. Im hoping I will be able to do that on my days off in the next few days. I work for a Zoo right now, it pretty cool. I'm going to be looking for a part time job I can do after work a few evenings a week but I'm also going be looking a different jobs. I can't be promoted as I was only just hired and I don't have a collage degree so I was lucky to get this Zoo job and I will not be able to find others with it.

I don't know if I can be strong enough, right now I'm just so tired and feel so lost. I need to be stronger for him. I'm thinking of building a blanket fort and leaving adulthood behind for a bit.



You probably don't understand, most people don't. You will never understand how much anger, how much self-hatred someone must have to take a razor to themselves and cut into their own skin.

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Old 11-12-2015, 07:55 AM   #4
Angelo.Cruz
 
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Hey

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That's life, sometimes nothing is fair. But don't lose hope, a time will come when all you will do is be thankful. In the meantime try everything you can to survive physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Be proactive and positive. Think about other people who are homeless, jobless, and has nothing to eat. You're still lucky because you get by. There are many solutions to one particular problem and I think if you think about it thoroughly you will think of a way to solve your financial problems without sacrificing the job that you love.

Hang in there and keep fighting. Ask for support from your love ones. You really need to be united in this trying times. If you need anyone to talk with don't hesitate to ask.


Last edited by Aardbei : 15-12-2015 at 11:06 PM. Reason: removed religious reference
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Old 30-11-2017, 09:25 AM   #5
yasanservice
 
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Hello
This post was very enthusiastic and encouraged to participate in the forum. This is a great place to thank you.
My friends' feedback helped me a lot, and I could solve many problems myself
I have 23, and I can identify and use the good and the bad of all the things I mentioned in this post.

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Old 07-12-2017, 06:02 AM   #6
PassedExpectations
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It sounds like you have an enormous number of stressors hitting you all at once. You are allowed to feel stressed. And feel grief at the idea of leaving your job. And feel a whole bajillion of feelings about your bf's dad, because that is normal when someone you care about deeply is seriously ill. And you are allowed to be thinking about yourself right now, A) because you are human and all humans are pretty self centered most of the time, even when we try not to be (after all, we only get to experience our own life, not suddenly jump into someone else's) and B) because as much as things are hard for other people, things are hard for you too. Neither cancels the other out.

Semi-related idea... Is there any way to pick up a second part time job doing something else at the zoo? If you do have to leave the zoo job, is there a way you could stay on as a volunteer? That could keep your options open to come back when things are going better.




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)
Katie


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