I recently had psychosis episodes in February and March and it was the most frightening thing in the world. I had two episodes within weeks of each other, one happened I was with my friends house and literally felt as i living in a night/dream in/out reality and the other was a lot more serious. it happened at home. i hadn't slept for 4 days straight and my body was absolutely knackered, stressed because because my company were treating me like crap and my dog suddenly became ill on the Saturday (I believed I had poisoned him, must be punished) The dog got better he turned out have pancetisis by this time the psychosis was getting weird.
i hadn't eaten or drunk in the four days i prior to episode.
I kept believing, I was on breaking, sic fi movie and i kept staying really horrible gibberish rubbish. One minute loving every one, my family, friends and next minute wanting people dead, believing i am being tracked via my my mind, via the computers, paranoid of my dads phone going off and believing that the hospital was going to kill me if i i contradicted myself.
I also wouldn't go in the MRI scan as I was scared it was going to kill me and punched a nurse and kicked a doctor. it was a very horrible experience and i never want to repeat it again. Then i sort out remember sitting on a heavy chair and as soon as someone came in lifting it with me on so high and almost hitting the ceiling./light fittings.
I also rememeber screaming, shouting and yelling and having the biggest let all out at home and hospital.
when finally things reduced i was sent home (closed to being sectioned) and was asleep for three/four days completely out of it. Those days I don't remember as such but I do remember,my grandma saying "get over, pull yourself together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, it happened its the pas now" and bunch of very unhelpful crap
Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.
I'm not on medication or have GP because I'm too poor to afford any kind of care. and the "free" clinics here still cost a 30$ fee for an intake. which is money we don't have.
so I'm going this alone because I don't have any other option. all the options that were brought up to me cost more money then we can afford right now and I'm not insured so that's an even bigger fee.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
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Sorry to bump such an old thread, I wasn't sure whether to start my own.
Question. How do you know if it's psychosis and not real? The men are around right now and want me to save the world by cutting off my left hand. They keep threatening to hurt all the people I love and I sometimes burn myself to prove I'm willing to do what it takes to fix the world. I can't right now because I'm in hospital. They've started me on clozapine 3 weeks ago and nothing. How long does it take to work?
I'm really worried about the end of the world and what I can do locked away. I'm also terrified for my partner so much so that I have her going to bed with a knife just in case.
They call me fat and ugly and tell me that Ritzi doesn't love me and I can't even argue with them because they're right. I have one purpose. Save the world.
My 13 yr old daughter was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. She has made 2 attempts on her life now. She is on Risperdal and they have increased her dose after the 2nd attempt on her life. I am so scared for her as I cannot tell when the voices come back. The 2nd time they were triggered by the passing of her grandfather. Just last week. She spent 6 days inpatient this go around to get her meds adjusted.
Any advice or words of wisdom someone could offer?
Can't afford proper health care or meds either. The only meds I can get free are pretty much useless. Don't want heavy anti-psychotics anyway. Just deal with psychosis when It occurs and hope I snap out of before I cause too much destruction upon myself. 1 family member knows and tries to keep my safe when I happens. Was bad all of last year and the first part of this year. Was bad in February, nothing seemed real - everything seemed real; couldn't really tell what was real. Now having (somewhat) snapped out of it, looking back, everything was surreal. At one point I felt like I was an actor, also felt at times like I was a phycholigist treating a trouble little boy.. I know now that little boy was (in fact) ME!!
Same with me @DestroyMe, just going-it-alone as well.
I was diagnosed with a psychotic episode in August last year and it's the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. I didn't hear voices but had insane delusions. I thought that my phone and computer had been hacked by my university lecturer, counsellor and the guy who works in Starbucks.
It started one day when I went to the local botanical gardens. I thought that everyone I met was an actor, like in the film "The Truman Show". This delusion went on for months and I ended up squatting at the university and telling people I was homeless. I was going around the university carrying out "research" at odd times in the morning (it was during the summer break). One night I was going around on a bike when two guys tried to mug me - I'm 5' 1" and was skin and bone at the time but I stood in the street fighting with these two grown men because I thought they were 'actors' and couldn't hurt me.
By the time the doctor came to section me I believed I was on a special mission to travel the world and that songs in the charts were being written for me. It was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened, even when people were telling me to my face I was wrong I just couldn't believe it, I was totally convinced I was right.
Anyway, now I'm on antipsychotics and undergoing psychotherapy. I signed up for counselling because my mother became terminally ill and it all just stemmed from there. I keep beating myself up for all the things I could have done differently (cocaine, amphetamine and valium habit contributed) but mainly for not signing myself in when I knew I was sick. I thought about it several times but I thought if I told a doctor the truth they wouldn't believe me or they'd think I was making it up.
The paranoia paralyzes me. Will never trust people again completely. Each time I think I could (trust) again, sometimes even an almost unrecognizable and unintentional slightest subtlety in casual conversations, even from the simplest day to day pleasantries with people in a public settings reminds me to never let the wall down again. I overthink everything and wish I weren't wrong and even make excuses to myself for peoples actions/assumptions wishing it were just paranoia on my part. Trouble is.. I'm not wrong the majority of the time and my gut feelings usually prove to be justifiable and I become sick to my stomach at it.
I'm sorry, I don't even know how to put this anymore.
So frustrated with (so-called) humanity right now.
I 'catch things' that I'm not supposed to. I'm wording this so as to not offend others. Also, I'm not saying (I think) other people don't also catch (these) clues people unintentionally/inadvertently reveal, be it body conflicting language, or giveaway clues that contradict what they are (outwardly) portraying.
I've always been told I'm too literal and try to catch people and hold them to their word. I do NOT do this. People deserve the right (benefit of doubt) to change according. However there is that fine line of just pure fake . I was always told I never understood the aspects of being social. In some ways, then, I'm glad I didn't get it, if that is the case. However, this leaves me alone and even further isolated in society.
Just struggling with how I'm feeling currently.
Truth be told, maybe I wish I were better able to be a chameleon.
Do tell the professionals what you think, they should listen to you and take it into account when making decisions.
The hospital wanted to change my diagnosis to BPD because I have insight. It doesn't seem to matter to them that 2 weeks ago I had zero insight and was convinced that a secret organisation had put an implant in me that I had to cut out! Even now I couldn't say for definite that the implant's not there. I'm just acknowledging that the voices get me in trouble and life is better without them. They are still very real.
The problem with a BPD diagnosis is that in my area it's just an excuse not to treat you. Plus I have researched BPD, as have family and friends, and NONE of us think I meet the criteria even slightly. Has anyone else experienced this?
Thank you, will tell him when I seen him Thursday. Somewhat came of it last week. The nose-dive crash has been debilitating. Moment of mania also dealing with as of late. Sometimes can't tell whats real and not.
Sorry, not help or advice for you. I get it more that you know. They are always looking for an excuses to not treat me because I don't have the funds to pay. Services are quite poor for the indigent. I understand though, I was diagnosed (many years ago and it was also retracted on my records) with Avoidance Personality Disorder its seen as a per-existing condition.
How do you guys deal with friends getting "tired" of your psychosis?
I just saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she said that I am still "delusional". I was talking to my friends about my "delusions" and one of them said, "Look, I'm tired of this did-you-or-did-you-not-take-your-meds game that you do... I have to worry about my own self."
I understand that people have a breaking point, but I don't have a therapist that I can tell these things to, so I don't know who else to talk about it to... I don't *always* forget to take my meds, my mom gives me my meds most of the time. I am trying extremely hard to be med compliant. I appreciate it when my friends remind me to take my meds in case my mom forgot to give them to me...
But I just feel so hopeless. I feel like I overshare with my friends and I have to watch what I say around them because they get tired of me being "sick". I find that the "friend" who says this the most is the one who has bipolar. She says I worry her and she needs to focus on herself... I just ... I don't know.
How do you deal with friends telling you that you're "too much"?
Well, perhaps the key is recognizing it. I know full well when psychosis up ahead, beforehand. Its hard to not be impulsive during these times (for me), keeping a low profile is all I can advise, it does pass, sometimes impossible to predict when.
I understand the paranoia, wish I could say it is (just) all in my imagination, based on my reality and situation(s), and surroundings, I often feel the system it out to "get me". However, that being said, in reality, there is not this "system", only chaos, opportunistic people all making their way ahead.
They want me to go inpatient for a while, but nothing good normally becomes of it, doesn't help me much.
Hang in there though, understand it and give yourself a break. Have to look after yourself during times like this. Real friends will understand. Casual fair-weather friends, could be cautious with what you share. Understand though, share too much and we push people away, fine balance.
Sometimes, when there is nobody to talk about these things with, that is what this forum is for.
I have had the proper assessment and I am not BPD. Good news but I am worried my CPN is going to bring up rehab again when we next meet. I don't want rehab, I would rather relearn life skills with my family's support. You know, in the real world?