I've realised I really need to start talking as I feel like I'm getting worse and can't see me stopping sh without talking to someone, anyone.
I joined RYL to try and do this and have typed a few posts but ended up deleting them. I've also written a number of letters to my family but again I've never shown them. I think it helped me briefly to type them but it doesn't help me get better in the long run.
I surprised myself this evening as I finally told my sister I sh. She had asked me to go with her to pick up our takeaway but stopped no where near the restaurant and took me for a drink instead. She started talking about my plans for the future (I've left my job of 13 years as I just couldn't stand it anymore) and after a number of questions I broke down and I ended up telling her all about my sh, attempts and my eating issues.
My sisters first reaction was "Well we kinda worked that out". My sister and brother-in-law are both doctors and it seemed had known for a while (I still thought I'd hidden everything). Over a couple of weeks my sister and brother-in-law had apparently started trying to get me to talk but I hadn't realised.
I cried lots, my sister sat and said everything I ever hoped she would and come Monday she's going to help me start getting some help.
Although I'm terrified of talking to a GP I know I have to, but I don't know whats next and a few times tonight I've worried about giving up sh.
I apologise if this is in the wrong place or pointless (i know I'm babling) and I know its long, but I needed to write it. (hope I haven't bored anyone to tears!)
This isn't a pointless post at all. It sounds a massive step forward that you were able to tell your family and I'm so pleased to hear that they have reacted positively and your sister is going to help you access help on Monday. That's wonderful news.
I'm glad you were able to tell your sister! And I'm glad you'll be getting some help, or at least have someone to talk to about all of this.
No one can force you to give up SI - that's something you decide on your own. But they can help you with the underlying issues.
i think that if anyone is crying from reading this, it is most definitely not from boredom *hugs*
i'm glad that you told your sister, and i'm kinda glad that she had already figured it out. it probably meant that she already had gotten through the shock phase and could respond in a more helpful way.
i do know the feeling of thinking that i've hidden something really well and finding out that i really haven't. not with my family, as i did manage to hide it from them for the most part, but from my friends. it was sorta confusing, but for me it was a bit of a releif, as it took the pressure of hiding it off my back.
i'm glad that you'll be able to get help on monday. it probably does feel pretty intimidating though. i hope that since your sister and her husband are doctors they'll be able to get you the right help fairly quickly without having to go through lots of different people.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank you for your replies. So after feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders last night I've felt bloody awful all day.
At my sisters request I spent the day with my mam as she has been worried and didn't know what to do. Going into Ikea and then the city centre was not the greatest plan as I've started getting these huge feelings of frustration and panic when in crowds and I need to escape. I need it to be quiet around me now.There was a couple of times my mam asked what was wrong as I was trying to stop myself crying but I don't want to talk to her about it, its not fair on her.
I'm worrying more about the GP on monday as my only experience with doctors/ nurses was after a sui attempt at 17 when I was made to feel like an insect and told "next time you feel like this try going for a swim instead".
I don't know how much the gp is going to ask and how much I have to tell them? Am I going to be expected to show my injurys? I guess I'm asking if anyone can tell me roughly what to expect, apart from my sister and my 2 posts on here I've not talked about my SI so am not looking forward to the prospect of a load of questions from the gp. I've pretty much convinced myself I'm wasting peoples time with all this.
Sorry I'm waffling again!
Mir x
Last edited by Miralex : 05-08-2012 at 12:23 AM.
Reason: Spelling and rubbish typing
when i have been to a gp about this sort of thing i just sat and explained everything that was happening and as it was in the country i felt just like a animal just herded in said my stuff then herded out not a good experience, the doc didn't ask to see my cuts
then when i was home from uni i went and saw my normal gp and she was much better and wanted to get into more depth.
from my experience i can say it is better to go to a regular gp who knows ur history and isn't going to rush you
when i first went in, they did ask to see my injuries so that they could see whether any needed medical care (stitches, anti biotics, etc). it was awkward, and i felt exposed, but i got through it.
if you feel like you won't be able to speak to the doctor, it might be helpful to write down some main thoughts that you want to get across, to help guide you if you feel tongue tied. and if all else fails, you can hand the doctor the paper.
ps. you are NOT wasting anyones time, unless someone is trying to help and you refuse to engage
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thanks for your replies! It turned out a lot better than I thought. Although I'd feel better talking to my regular gp as I've had to see him for years for a condition, I've moved from the area and had to register as a temp patient.
My sister came in with me and I was less nervous when It turned out the dr and my sis knew each other.
My sister had to do a lot of the talking as I started crying and am rubbish talking about myself anyway. I had my sleeves up a little which showed some really old scars which the dr noticed and asked about any others which I explained but she didn't ask to see, thankfully!
I got past talking to the gp, now I have to tell my mam. After talking to my sister I got the impression she knew but it turns out she knows something is wrong but not what.
Waffling again! Wanted to say thanks for the replies really!
Mir x
