If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
I wish she'd died instead of you. I know you'd probably be mad at me for saying that. But its true. You and I would of been fine together, we hardly ever argued and we actually liked eachother. Its not fair Dad. I dont want her, I hate her so much of the time. I just want you back. The parent that actually loved and liked me. Instead of her. I just wish you could trade places. I just want my Dad. Ive never had a Mum, not really. I just want my actual parent back. You. The one that supported me, that loved me, the one I respected and could come to for advice.
And now shes trying to take away every last trace of you that I have. If I havnt got your clothes and your things what have I got. And she wants to take that all away too. As if its not bad enough that youre not here. Its not fair Dad. Please just come back now. I cant handle this anymore. Not on my own. I need you.
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
Jamie. I haven't spoken to you in so long. Hell, it's been over five years since you left us all. I miss you so much right now. I'm listening to your favorite song. Would that make you smile? I hope it would. Or maybe you'd be sad that I'm dwelling on you, after all this time. I'm not really sure what you'd think. But my god, James, you didn't need to leave us like that. You could have left Matty. I know you told me things were getting better between you, but looking back, I'm not so sure, you could have just said that to keep me from worrying. You seemed happier. Was that an act, too? Maybe it was, because you did what you did. I loved you like a brother, James. You were one of my biggest supports. And losing you to suicide was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I screamed for at least an hour after Shanna told me. And that left me to tell Katie, because Shanna and Katie were fighting. It broke us apart, James. I know you didn't mean for that to happen, I know that. You just couldn't deal with things anymore. And god, of all people, I understand that. I understand why you did it. It just hurts. Still. I guess what I am trying to say is that I damn well miss you. If I could, I would do anything to get you back, but I understand that is selfish. I love you, forever and always.
You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye.
Remembering you.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
It's been 6 years almost to the minute now. Thank you for being my star. I love you and miss you, and as always, I am eternally sorry, little one.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Happy Birthday Grandad
I miss you so much still and I hope I have made you proud
I'm sorry for the things I've done that would have made you upset and I hope you forgive me for them
You're going to be a Great Grandad soon to-not by me but by my cousin
Nan is really excited about it
I hope you don't mind but I know that Emily is up there too and well I hope you have met her and could you maybe look after her the way you looked after me? I'd be truly grateful as I already am
I love you-sorry I didnt say it more when you were alive but I think you knew
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
Dad,
I miss just saying that you know. 'Hi Dad', 'How are you Dad', for nearly two years now Ive not been able to say that. Even if I couldnt see you just to be able to talk to you would be such a relief. Tell you everything thats gone on, tell you sorry for some stuff, hope that youd forgive me. Wish we could just sit and chat. I miss you so. I've got an interview tomorrow. Not for anything great, but itd be a good stable job thats local and would pay well. If there's such as thing as you looking down on us, come be there with for the interview will you, Im gonna be really scared! Its another big step back towards 'living' again since we lost you. Which I dont want to do, I dont want to go forward, I want to go back back back. But I guess Im coming to have to accept that we can't. And I think you'd want us to go forward, cos you fought so hard for life, you'd want us to do the same I think? I just wish you were here with us. Everytime an eyelash falls out, theres candles on a cake, or I see a shooting star I wish and wish and wish for you to come back. I think I probably will for the rest of my days. But I am trying Dad, I'm trying really hard to make things a bit better again. I know that goes badly wrong sometimes, Mum and I cant agree on ANYTHING without you, and I want to keep all your things cos it helps me remember, Mum wants to make more room in the house etc . Its hard. But I hope Im starting to make you proud again. I love you Dad, and I miss you so much every day. I hope wherever you are now that youre okay. Your little girl xxx
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
I couldn't face another anniversary so soon after the 11th, but I did remember and am remembering you now, tiny one. You deserve love and rememberance too. The stars are out tonight & I'm going to sing you a lullaby too. You're in my heart.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
It's been 2 years since I was carrying you. You were only there for 8 short weeks but you left a life long impact. 2 months time and you were gone. Well it took 6 weeks but still. We knew you Were gone on daddy's birthday. Bittersweet as we get to celebrate your brothers birthday that month too. I'll go to the cathedral and light a candle for you. Xxx
If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
Dad, I dont know what to do. I know I cant go back so I have to go forward. I know that. But its so hard, and I have to do it all alone, and I dont know if I can. I just want you back here, then Id feel like I could do anything. Everyone keeps saying that what happened this week is 'fate' and obviously meant to happen and theres a tiny little part of me that things well maybe you had a hand in things. But then the logical side of me, the one that youd understand, kicks in and I think thats not possible and Ive probably just made a really terrible decision. I just wish I could talk it over with you. People are always saying well what do I think you would say. Which annoys me. Because how should I know what you would say. I just want you to come back and talk to me and hug me and tell me you'll make it all okay. I sat outside that building for so long Dad cos I didnt think I could go in, I was so scared, and all I wanted was to hear your voice telling me I could do it. I dont know if I can make it Dad. I really dont. Im so sick and tired of being so alone. And Mums rapidly falling apart, and theres nobody to help me prop her up. I try, but you know what shes like, its never good enough. And she scares me Dad when shes like that, it was scary enough when you were here to stop her when she gets crazy, but now I have to be alone with her and she frightens me when shes like that. And then she only yells at me more for looking scared of her.
I just dont know how we're supposed to carry on. Ive tried. Im trying. But Im not getting anywhere. Dad I just want you back.
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
give me strength please i need it
i need to get through this course
i need to make you proud
i said i would
i miss you
you always believed in me
its been 1 year and five months
its your birthday the week im at college
help me
"pretty pretty please dont you ever ever feel like your less than less than perfect"
"Don't ever change, you're perfect the way you are" only a PM away for ANYONE
Gem [smurfette] is my little sister and my princess <3
R.I.P. Keith....31/10/12....forever missed
R.I.P. Lewis....18/01/13....forever I'll love you, forever missed
It's been eighteen months - why hasn't it stopped hurting? Why do I miss you just as much now as I ever did? I've been grieving for so long it just feels like life...
Come back to me darling. I love you so much.
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
give me strength please i need it
i need to get through this course
i need to make you proud
i said i would
i miss you
you always believed in me
its been 1 year and five months
its your birthday the week im at college
help me
I let you down
"pretty pretty please dont you ever ever feel like your less than less than perfect"
"Don't ever change, you're perfect the way you are" only a PM away for ANYONE
Gem [smurfette] is my little sister and my princess <3
R.I.P. Keith....31/10/12....forever missed
R.I.P. Lewis....18/01/13....forever I'll love you, forever missed
If u want the Rainbow,u gotta put up with the Rain
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
I am currently:
Dad. Shes drinking again. Ive never forgotten a night when she was drinking when I was only little and you and I shared a room that night because you wanted to keep me safe from her. Shes so cruel when shes drunk. I wish you were here to do that now. To stand at the door and say dont worry I wont let her in, I wont let her hurt you, I wont let her be wicked to you, I wont let her throw you out in to the cold again with nothing but your mobile, I wont let her get you. I wish you were here to do that. To keep me safe like you used too. Dad please make her stop.
'Where did I go wrong
My life's a bargain basement, all the good shits gone
I miss you
you always believed in me
always supported me
I remember
I used to run to you when I'd had bad days and you used to sit with me for ages and ages until I'd calmed down, finished my rant or stopped crying or fell asleep
I need oyu to be here
to do all that again
seriously
dont feel safe at all
help me
look after me
"pretty pretty please dont you ever ever feel like your less than less than perfect"
"Don't ever change, you're perfect the way you are" only a PM away for ANYONE
Gem [smurfette] is my little sister and my princess <3
R.I.P. Keith....31/10/12....forever missed
R.I.P. Lewis....18/01/13....forever I'll love you, forever missed
It upsets me that I never got to see you again when you were more 'with it' before you died.
We were supposed to come down on the 31st. You were supposed to recognise us & be in good spirits..
The last time I saw you, you didn't know who I was.
I'll miss coming down - we won't be able to say "going to Nanny Mary's" any more..
No-one'll ever make shephard's pie like you ever again!
I'm so glad you didn't suffer..
I'm considering getting a bluebell tattoo to comemorate you and Grandad Jobo. I've just got to decide on the tattoo and decide where to put it.
RIP. <3
