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Old 14-09-2011, 06:23 PM   #1
* imagine.. *
previously known as luzin_grip!
 
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I need to ring PAV....

PAV = (domestic violence support)


Why won't I???!!

I'm much too scared .............

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Old 14-09-2011, 06:24 PM   #2
Stellata
 
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What're you scared of?

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Old 14-09-2011, 06:27 PM   #3
* imagine.. *
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Hi Katie.. thanks for replying x
Scared of getting help I guess... I know sounds so pathetic.

Where I am - there is no other way I can get support/counselling for free. And- I do need help
I can hear all the warning signs. And yet I can't master the courage to.

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Old 14-09-2011, 08:45 PM   #4
JaimeIsBroken
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Quote:
Originally Posted by * imagine.. * View Post
Hi Katie.. thanks for replying x
Scared of getting help I guess... I know sounds so pathetic.

Where I am - there is no other way I can get support/counselling for free. And- I do need help
I can hear all the warning signs. And yet I can't master the courage to.
Are you worried about what might happen if you do seek help?



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Old 14-09-2011, 09:36 PM   #5
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Yes... so worried about what will happen =((( ...

I'm trying to rationalise....


Signs of Abusive Fathers
---------------------------------


He's trying to control you and make you dependent on him if:


[x]He has to know where you are and who you are with all the time.
[x]He tries to control your contact with your friends.
[x]He puts down what you wear, do and say.
[x]He tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, and does not take your opinion or your feelings seriously.
[x]He is scary. You worry about how they will react to things you say or do.
[ ]He abuses drugs or alcohol.
[x]He puts you down so you will lose self-esteem, confidence and control
[x]He tells people things you did or said that embarrass you and make you feel stupid.
[x]He says it's your fault when things go wrong.
[x]He calls you stupid, lazy, fat, selfish, spoiled, ugly or a "slut".
[x]He blames you when he mistreats you. He says you deserved it, or you provoked him, pressed his buttons, made him do it.
[x]He threatens you.
[x]He uses physical violence or he physically controls you, for example, physically stopping you from going out of the house.
[x]He hurts or hits you, or uses his greater physical strength to hold you down so you make you feel helpless, powerless or humiliated.
[x]He threatens to hit you, hurt your friends, pets or family if you do not do what he wants.
[x]He says he will kick you out of the house if you don't obey him.
[x]He threatens to stop giving you money, or to not pay for your education if you don't obey him.
[x]He threatens to kill himself and blames it on you.
[x]He gets very angry about small, unimportant things.
[x]He will not tell you his feelings when you ask and then he blows up.
[x]He pressures you to do things you don't want to do.
[x]He attempts to manipulate or guilt trip you by saying "If you really loved me you would..." or "If you were a good daughter you would...."
[x]He compares you to other people's daughters and says things like "Why can't you be more like...."


I'm - triggered to SI so much lately - and I'm 20 months free...
and I'm wanting to give up all the time.
And the emotional eating is getting really terrible. I'm not having issues about my weight or image - but I feel so sick eating like this. It's so unhealthy.
And I'm always in tears. Always so sad and so sensitive. I just find myself crawled up huggling my knees under the duvet wishing it all away. I'm sick at tired. The situation has been going on for 12 years. It's enough. I'm exhausted. I want to save everyone but I can't even help myself!!
And I feel so lonely. My friends love and care about me so much but I make them feel helpless because I stop them from getting outside intervention cause I'm so scared...


My dad even threatened to kill me. He is SO obsessed with this getting me married story that he will lose his mind - he's not a bad person, he's just so stuck in this cultural system that he has lost his essence, his true self. And I'm feeling too weak to fight him. Though I try so hard. And I'm still making an effort to get to work and take care of everyone etc. But in fact I have no energy, I want to do nothing at all. Just for once I crave Peace in my soul. Is it so much to ask





"Sometimes in order to move forward,
you have to stop wishing for a better past..."


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Old 14-09-2011, 11:43 PM   #6
JaimeIsBroken
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Only thing I can suggest is try to make sure you have a safe place you can stay before you make the report. The courts will help you stay safe too. I wish I knew better what to tell you, but I don't.



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Old 15-09-2011, 01:16 AM   #7
damagedsurvivor
 
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Hey hun don't they have a Women's Shelter where you are so you have a place to feel safe and they you can get some help?

I don't know what else to say since it's already been said



Libz (DriftedAway), Katie (Heaven Knows) and Sammy (StuckInReverse) are my daughters, Jo (On Edge) Savannah (#skittles#) and are my lil' sisters


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Old 16-09-2011, 02:00 PM   #8
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I can't go to a womens shelter... can't do it....

But... I rang PAV... going there today .............





"Sometimes in order to move forward,
you have to stop wishing for a better past..."


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Old 16-09-2011, 03:14 PM   #9
Bellatrix
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Well done love. Maybe print off this page so you don't have to do too much talking right a way - may help ease you in to it.




Imperfection is underrated.



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Old 16-09-2011, 06:03 PM   #10
Stellata
 
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Good for you.

How'd it go?

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Old 16-09-2011, 06:22 PM   #11
JaimeIsBroken
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Good luck, imagine.



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Old 16-09-2011, 08:25 PM   #12
* imagine.. *
previously known as luzin_grip!
 
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Thank you:]

Yes I showed her the list of Signs of Abusive Fathers ... it was much easier because I didn't knwo where to start
I also feel my problem isn't as serious or bad as others so it always makes it harder to ask for help... but 12 years is a long time to be under so much psychological and emotional abuse.. with physical in the past.



Im starting counselling specific for domestic abuse/violence... it's for free..... I also got told about my options and rights as a --- citizen.. and I got given emergency numbers and in specific this number I can ring if i need a place to spend the night if im unsafe. I was also told to remember I can ring the police anytime - because threatening to kill me/hurt me.. or to report any abuse, no matter when it happened (they said) . Even if it happened ages ago, I can always report.


What a relief... I've been needing support for so long... I shouldn't have to ignore my signs of eating disorder relapse or self harm triggers and suicidal thoughts. I want to live so much - but my dad makes me want to give up.

And tonight he wants to talk to me about the arranged (forced) marriage stuff..........





"Sometimes in order to move forward,
you have to stop wishing for a better past..."


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Old 16-09-2011, 08:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by * imagine.. * View Post
Thank you:]

Yes I showed her the list of Signs of Abusive Fathers ... it was much easier because I didn't knwo where to start
I also feel my problem isn't as serious or bad as others so it always makes it harder to ask for help... but 12 years is a long time to be under so much psychological and emotional abuse.. with physical in the past.
Well I'm glad you showed her that list. Sometimes it is easier to write things down then to talk about them. Abuse of any kind is serious hun. So whether you think it is or not it is. I don't know how they handle it there but here we take it very serious. Domestic abuse here also includes like a sister or brother now or in my case my nephew.


Quote:
Im starting counselling specific for domestic abuse/violence... it's for free..... I also got told about my options and rights as a --- citizen.. and I got given emergency numbers and in specific this number I can ring if i need a place to spend the night if im unsafe. I was also told to remember I can ring the police anytime - because threatening to kill me/hurt me.. or to report any abuse, no matter when it happened (they said) . Even if it happened ages ago, I can always report.


What a relief... I've been needing support for so long... I shouldn't have to ignore my signs of eating disorder relapse or self harm triggers and suicidal thoughts. I want to live so much - but my dad makes me want to give up.

And tonight he wants to talk to me about the arranged (forced) marriage stuff..........
Wow sounds like you had a really good meeting. I'm really happy you are finally getting some help with this. It also sounds like they will help as much as they can, which is very good to hear.

As for your dad don't let him do that to you. Tell him that right now you are not in a good place to be even thinking about arranged marriage right now. Right now you need to focus on you and that's way more important than marriage. I don't know if he will understand or not but it's worth a shot hun.

Just keep fighting this fight sweetie and try to stay focus. You are strong and you can beat all of this!



Libz (DriftedAway), Katie (Heaven Knows) and Sammy (StuckInReverse) are my daughters, Jo (On Edge) Savannah (#skittles#) and are my lil' sisters


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Old 17-09-2011, 03:52 PM   #14
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Thank you so much,,


well.. i spoke to my dad... unbelievable how calm i was....
it's scary and - a little relieving? (i'm not sure if that is the word..) but it's like he was 2 people in 1... my sister saw it too... it's so crazy... he was like

1) "NO , NO WAY. -MY- HOUSE -MY- RULES. IN THIS HOUSE THIS IS HOW IT GOES: U DONT GO OUT AT NIGHT, U WAKE UP EARLY, YOU COOK, YOU CLEAN, YOU WORK AT THE OFFICE IF YOUR JOB STARTS LATER. OR YOU WORK AT OFFICE ALL DAY IF U HAV NO JOB AND FRIENDS ARE FOR WHERE U WORK OR STUDY. NO OUTSIDE FRIENDSHIPS , NO OUTSIDE ANYTHING. AND IN -MY- HOUSE, THIS IS HOW U GET MARRIED. NO WAY. YOU HAVE -NO- CHOICE, WHY WEREN'T U BORN IN A WHITE HOUSE?!!

(because i didnt get a choice dad)

EXACTLY, SO NOW U HAVE NO CHOICE EITHER. -NO WAY- YOU
-HAVE- TO GET MARRIED THIS WAY, -IT'S HOW IT IS- NO WAY, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!!!!!


and then..................

2) EITHER U DO IT -MY- WAY , OR YOU LEAVE. PLEASE I BEG YOU, -LEAVE-. I'M HAPPILY SAYING IT... DO U WANT TO LEAVE? GO!!! PLEASE, I BEG YOU JUST GO. STOP TORTURING ME. MY WAY, OR YOU GO. LEAVE TO LONDON AND NEVER CONTACT US AGAIN.


I said i'd leave... he turned back to 1)
saying i had no choice etc
then back to 2)
and it was back and fourth and
he sweared a lot at me and told me i was scum and cursed me saying my children would hurt me because i am hurting him.
and cursed me a husband who "WILL SET U STRAIGHT".
"IT'S KARMA" he said. K.A.R.M.A.





"Sometimes in order to move forward,
you have to stop wishing for a better past..."


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Old 17-09-2011, 04:08 PM   #15
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I have no advice really but I have read your posts and I just wanted to leave you some cuddles and love if that is okay. <3 xxx

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Old 17-09-2011, 04:28 PM   #16
risenfromperdition
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*hugs tight* love you sweetie



“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

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Old 18-09-2011, 12:13 PM   #17
* imagine.. *
previously known as luzin_grip!
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
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thank you so much <3 ,,,
now just waiting to start counselling..........
not sure where im going - moving out or what.... everything is really confusing..

it's really hard, i feel like i've lost so many friends on this journey. i know they love and care about me so much , and they always want ot ring the police but i never let them... so they feel helpless and they can't stand watching me crumble once again. it gets really lonely.. but i understand them.. and yet if im shown just a little bit of kindness it means the world to me... i get tearful. i guess im just so exhausted. and the situation can become beyond my friends - like it's external helpthat i really need..





"Sometimes in order to move forward,
you have to stop wishing for a better past..."


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