i’ve spent a lot of time reading other people’s stories and their experience with SI, and have yet to find one like mine. I just want someone to talk to and see if anyone else has a similar problem. I’ve always struggled with body imagine and feeling like i was never skinny or pretty enough. I promised myself i would eat healthier and less then normal so i would become smaller. But i kept slipping up. It got to the point where i would look in the mirror and cry because i hated what i saw. So i cut myself, just once on my stomach, i wanted it to be a reminder of the promise i made to myself to eat better. But i keep slipping up and every time i do i would add another cut, so i have another scar, to remind myself of not only the promise i made to myself, but of how many times i have failed to keep that promise. I don’t know if anyone else has had a similar experience but if so i would love to hear your story.
Thank you so much.
i’ve spent a lot of time reading other people’s stories and their experience with SI, and have yet to find one like mine. I just want someone to talk to and see if anyone else has a similar problem. I’ve always struggled with body imagine and feeling like i was never skinny or pretty enough. I promised myself i would eat healthier and less then normal so i would become smaller. But i kept slipping up. It got to the point where i would look in the mirror and cry because i hated what i saw. So i cut myself, just once on my stomach, i wanted it to be a reminder of the promise i made to myself to eat better. But i keep slipping up and every time i do i would add another cut, so i have another scar, to remind myself of not only the promise i made to myself, but of how many times i have failed to keep that promise. I don’t know if anyone else has had a similar experience but if so i would love to hear your story.
Thank you so much.
I’ve always struggled with body image and feeling like i’m not skinny enough. So i started intermittent fasting. But sometimes i would slip up and snack. When ever that would happen i would cut. I wouldn’t cut because i’m depressed but because i hate myself and i want the scar. I want the scar to be a reminder of the promise i made to eat better and i wanted it as a reminder of all the times i have failed to keep this promise. I’m not really sure what this is because i don’t cut because i’m depressed, i cut because i want the scars as a reminder. I don’t know if this would be classified as some type of an eating disorder? Any input would be appreciated.
Thank you
-Maddie
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 12-04-2020 at 09:04 PM.
Reason: please see your PMs.
I can understand what you mean, I think. I don't want the pain or the mess, I want the permanent marks to remind me of my failures. Ultimately people cut or hurt themselves for lots of different reasons.
have u spoken to ur gp about it.it might be a good first step towards recovery ,and you could speak on the phone if ur area is in lockdown. regardless of whether she or he says its an eating disorder its clear to me its not a healthy way of thinking ,im not an expert on eating dissorders but i really hope you get some professional help and maybe therapy if needed as this kinda thing can spiral outta control pretty quickly and also because it cant be nice for you to feel like this . i hope things improve for u soon and im sending u big hugs if thats ok xx
Eating disorder or not (we aren't qualified to diagnose on here), it does sound like you have some unhealthy thoughts and behaviors surrounding food and your body, and it also sounds like you are restricting your food intake. I think one thing that is important to remember is that you can have disordered thoughts and behaviors without having a diagnosable eating disorder, and any type of support can usually be helpful. Also in general, if you aren't eating enough, that can absolutely have an impact on your mood and your ability to think coherently, which can essentially just trigger a feedback loop.
I think for a lot of folks something like self harm can be used as punishment or tied into behaviors around food. It's not uncommon. While that's not inherently part of an eating disorder, it can make things a lot more complicated, as you have to find healthier and safer coping skills without just swapping behaviors. That doesn't mean it isn't possible.
Do you want things to be different for you? If so, do you have any type of professional support or people in your life you trust?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
i’ve never actually told anyone about this it’s something i’ve kept to myself. I’ll definitely think about talking to someone now. I just want to say thank you for taking the time to respond to my thread, it truly means so much to me and has a bigger impact to my life than you may realize. So thank you so much both of you and i will most definitely take those hugs btw
I don't really *just* cut for the scars but scarring is very important to me. I'm sorry you've struggled with your eating and self harm. You deserve kindness, not punishment/a reminder of what you think you 'should' be doing.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
