Triggering (SI/Suicide) - i cant

[-Stewie-]

ok so ive been thinking about cutting more and more over the past 4 hours. and i just wouldnt leave it and go to bed. its ****ing 3am and im tired but for some reason i cant bring myself to go to bed

ive been reading blogs on it and browsing and finding graphic images and its just making me worse and worse

there is no one to be there for me. my boyfriend went to bed so i cant text him, none of my friends know and i dont want to tell my family cos it could mean them making me come back from uni.

i know that in reality i have a lot of people i could go to. but id just feel so **** for texting/ringing so late at night/early in morning however you want to look at it- and with my bf im scared that ill just push him further away than i already have by telling him when i feel like hurting myself. he told me i could turn to him whenever, which is nice, but how **** and selfish would i feel for doing that.

im going to force myself to go to bed i reckon.
i am so pathetic
i am such a waste of a life
i am such a selfish bastard
i am unlovable

i feel like staying here away from family forever, cutting off from all my friends and ending things with my bf. then i can just be left to cut in peace until such a time where its not doing anything for me anymore and when i can finally set myself free

im sorry for making any of you have to read this
theres nothing here worth saving

[Sigma]

there is something here worth saving - you. I know it might not seem like that right now, but you are. You didn't make me read this - I wanted to, just as I wanted to write you this message. because you are worth it. Hang on in there.

[fragile as glass]

I hope that you managed to get some sleep and stayed safe. If not whats done is done so dont beat yourself up over it.

I can relate so much to looking up triggering sites/images on the internet when feeling like ****.

*hugs*