What does this mean?

[Autumnleafs]

Hey,

I've never posted here before but i lurked a bit, and mostly just wanted some input on something. An obvious tw for self harm.

If im having a really bad time as an UNHEALTHY coping mechanism I'll cause injury.

My boyfriend of 4 years has basically been aware of it for a long time but we've never talked about it. He hasn't asked why, or said it was bad or anything. It kind of hurts. I do my best to hide things and I'm not wanting attention... but does this mean he's like. Supporting me?

I'm not over here thinking its right and okay of me to do this, but I'm questioning my "support system" lately.

Any advice or input for me??

[black.shadow]

Maybe he just doesn't know what to say? Maybe he hasn't noticed (obviously, depends on how bad your injuries are but some guys can be pretty unobservant ...)? Maybe he thinks it would be weird to raise the topic after such a long time?

I have you ever brought it up yourself?

[Auror.]

Are you asking if he is essentially condoning the behavior by not saying anything? I wouldn't necessarily assume anything either way without actually asking him. Is this a conversation you feel safe having? I would argue that a relationship in itself might not be the healthiest if you don't feel like you can talk about things or really be open about what's going on with regards to how you are struggling.

[Greyscale]

I think this is a little difficult, I agree with Auror above that I wouldn't assume anything right now. Have you ever spoken to him about it? I think it's really hard to say whether he is or is not supportive without actually discussing it with him.

I would say that currently he is not being actively supportive but that doesn't mean it is by design or that he doesn't care, it could be that he doesn't know what you need. Sometimes, people can feel as though it isn't their place to bring up things like self harm, and sometimes they can want to but feel like if it was something the person wanted to talk about, they would say that. It could also be that he doesn't really see anything wrong with it. Or it could be that he is struggling to even know how to address it.

It's really impossible to know how he's feeling or what he thinks without having an open and honest conversation about the issue, because he also can't really be supportive without knowing what you're needing or wanting in the first place. I know it can be difficult to have these conversations, but I hope that it is something you can consider, as you do deserve to be supported in your relationship.

[AutumnLeaves11]

Maybe he fears unnecessarily triggering you. And thinks that your coping with it better than you really are. Maybe try bringing the topic up if it's concerning you. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.
All the best,
Me x

[pixiedust_11]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyscale

It could be that he doesn't know what you need.

I think this point here is a really important one. I've been on both sides as I used to self-harm, and somebody very close to me in my life did as well. It was honestly quite hard for me to know what to do or say for them, because despite me understanding that it was unhealthy and not condoning it as a behaviour, it was still painful for me to know that somebody I loved was hurting that deeply.

Equally, no one has ever brought self-harm up with me, and when I ask why, they say they had just assumed I'd been through a tough time but didn't want to pry. It's almost like they felt they needed permission to speak with me about it. Sometimes we have to take the first step in raising a topic before the other person feels comfortable in sharing their thoughts and feelings.

Edit to add: didn't realise how old the thread was, so this may well now be unhelpful!

[Pi.R^2]

Closing due to age. Autumnleafs, just send me a private message if you would like the thread reopening at any point.