Yes I think it helps. I texted my CPN and I've got an appointment on Thursday. I'm going to tell him about the SH/suicide thoughts but that the anxiety is better most days. I need to talk about my eating too.
I'll delete this if it makes you uncomfortable, but this was something I've seen posted on another website and thought you might find helpful. I didn't write it.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
You can also think about it like with self harm - often when you first start self harming, people do it to feel in control. But as you've commented before, self harm urges often can come out of nowhere very strongly, and make you feel out of control. It can seem like an addiction for people, and not something they feel like they have power over. Eating is much the same, only the other thing that comes with restricting is the physical impact that it has on your brain.
I know for me, when my ed was really bad, it was literally impossible for me to think clearly. I couldn't even focus on schoolwork, which was something I loved because my brain did not have fuel. It sucks, and it becomes this really horrible cycle of making bad decisions (i.e. not eating) because you don't have the ability to think clearly, but then not eating actually making it worse. It's not fun.
Like I said I can delete any of this if you find it upsetting, but I don't think it's fair to you for us to try to condone using restriction as a means of control. I absolutely understand needing ways to cope, but if you only move from self harm to restriction, then that's not really you coping any better or safer. Coping in healthy ways means taking care of your body and your brain. I hope you can talk to you CPN about things.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Yeah they are. I don't know why. I'm drinking lucozade every day as my CPN told me but I can't help thinking of all the calories. I feel out of control.
I'm glad you're drinking the Lucozade, it must be so difficult if you have so many conflicting feelings. What does out of control feel like? What does out of control mean to you? I think you are taking some good control to manage your physical health better but I understand it might not feel that way to you.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
