Graphic - It feels like my life was taken from me

[girlsgotrhythm]

I wish I knew how to explain this better but I don't. I've lived with mental illness for most of my life. I don't remember a time that I wasn't super fucked up. I was told that I was smart and had such a birght future but...I can't becasue of my illness. I tried to go back to school and just ended up in the hospital again. So, I'm working but...it's just not enough. I'm never going to get anywhere. I'm never going to have a future. I'm just living because I have to. And what's the point of recovering? It's the only thing that's keeping me alive.

[Pi.R^2]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been so unwell for such a long time. Are you receiving help?

Other people's expectations aside, what would you like to do with your life?

[girlsgotrhythm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pi.R^2

I'm sorry to hear that you've been so unwell for such a long time. Are you receiving help?

Other people's expectations aside, what would you like to do with your life?

I mean, that's kind of the problem. I don't want anything. I never made any plans or goals because I knew I'd be dead before it mattered. I'm on medication, which helps with the worst of my symptoms. And i was going to therapy but it was kind a waste of time and money because I'm not interested in recovery. I mean...I feel weird even saying because I feel like I am recovered. Like I still self harm occasionally and I have no Intention on stopping permanently. And I dont even try to resist the urges because it's just something I do. Who cares if I binge and purge? Or burn myself? It helps. It works. If it get me though the day why does it matter? All they asked was that I stay alive. I'm alive. I did was I was supposed to.

[Pi.R^2]

How come you aren’t interested in recovery? Your thread title references feeling like your life was taken from you; maybe recovery would be a way of you getting it back? and I mean more than wanting to stop self harming etc, I mean recovery in terms of feeling more well and being able to enjoy life. Like, living not just surviving or something like that.

[one_step_closer]

I can really hear your pain and can relate to a lot of what you've said. I also feel like I have no interest in life and recovery. It sounds like the way you're living now isn't working well for you though, maybe it's worth looking into positive things that you haven't tried before. Would you like to be able to do some more education? There might be support available for you to help you manage, starting with short courses and building up if you want to. It hurts to just feel like you're existing, I know. Are there any little things you do that make you feel good that you could do more of? Do you think it would be helpful to talk through things with someone even if you're goal isn't recovery, it's just to get things off your chest and connect with another person? I hope you can find what is right for you.