Graphic - Taken advantage of...

[Artimus]

I have a friend that has been going through a lot of personal problem in his home.. his mother passed away from cancer and his older sister is hooked on cocaine and he has been really depressed... I have been going over to try and support him and keep him from hurting himself..
A few nights ago I went over to check on him and I found him crying in his room.. he had cut his wrists.. I didn't know what to do.. so I just fell to the ground and held him as tight as I could... I told him it's okay, that I was sorry I didn't get there sooner..
I stayed pretty late with him because I was worried he might try to hurt himself again..
When I told him I had to go, before sad again, and I told him I would be back tomorrow.. he begged me to stay with him for the night, but I knew my dad would freak out.. (I'm 16..) but he wouldn't let me go and the he kissed me and held me really tight..
I pushed away and told him that I had to go.. I love him.. but not in that way... But he grabbed me and pulled me back to his bed..
I kept telling him to let me go but he just kept rubbing me and kissing me...
He pulled my skirt up and ripped my underwear... I screamed and smacked him in the face... And he punched me... I was so scared... He raped me.. I was a virgin..
I don't understand... I have been there for him... Why would he hurt me like this... I'm so scared to see him again... I haven't left me home since this happened... He keeps texting me... But I don't want to talk to him...
I don't know what to do... I feel so confused.. none of this makes sense....

[meag2301]

First of all, I'm so sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve it, especially after all that you have done for your friend. Secondly, you won't find a reason for why this happened. You could try but everything you tell yourself would be a lie - he was in pain and made a poor decision but that doesn't excuse his behavior. I have been raped by two different people and I didn't tell anyone for a really long time which ended up harming me more than you could imagine into my adult years. I strongly urge you to confide in a trusted adult who can steer you in the direction of getting help with this so that it doesn't ruin your life. I hope you're doing okay today and know that you've done nothing wrong and we're all thinking about you.