I might be dead. - Page 24

Snow White. · 04-05-2015, 10:49 AM

You got all As - sounds like you can do some things right?

I'm sorry your mum was nasty to you, that's hard :(

Snow White. · 04-05-2015, 10:50 AM

And I really think you need to speak to someone about these thoughts, someone more trained than me who can talk about these concepts properly. It's not something I've experienced before but I'm sure others have come across these thoughts.

Auror. · 04-05-2015, 06:07 PM

I looked it up and it says it is when people think they are dead and they are not. And I am not making this up so I do not see the relevance.

I don't understand my mother. She gives me money for rent which we agreed on the amount before I moved here. She gives me money each week which I have told her she does not have to do, and she said she knows this. I keep track of what I spend on tuition and school stuff, and once I send her my grades she pays me back for as much as she wants. I tell her she is under no obligation to pay for any of it, or even all of it. She always says no she wants to help. But then she turns around and tells me nasty things about it and about her financial situation. Yet a couple of months ago she told me she made more money in a month than her highest employee makes in a year. So none of it makes any sense.

There is nobody to talk to. Medical doctor said the way that emails are sent to her other doctors could in theory see them, and she did not say whether she puts anything about emails in her notes or not. So obviously she is not safe to talk to. Doctor lady is still not a thing. The people I hung out with the other day would not know what to do and would say I need to talk to a professional. I think it would really freak them out actually.

Medical doctor didn't really believe the funny heart thing. She put it down to anxiety. So I doubt anyone's going to believe me until I can prove it.

ajrocks · 04-05-2015, 06:15 PM

I did not say you were making it up at all.
I know that is what you feel.I'm sorry we can't help to make that better but I also feel you need to tell someone these thoughts but ultimately that is your decision.
Thanks for at least looking it up.Please try to take care of yourself

Auror. · 04-05-2015, 06:33 PM

Oh. Sorry. I seem to be misinterpreting people a lot.

Enthused · 04-05-2015, 07:58 PM

I have been following this thread for a while and I don't know what to say that would help *gives boobies*

Auror. · 04-05-2015, 09:42 PM

boobies always help!

nowhereman · 05-05-2015, 11:38 PM

I'm sorry, I must have got it wrong, I deleted my post so never mind anything I said. I just hope I didn't upset you or anything. I won't post here again but wishing you well.

Auror. · 06-05-2015, 12:59 AM

It's fine. Thanks.

Animad · 06-05-2015, 10:00 AM

Carmen, please tell the doctors what happened to the clonazepam. In your thread in the FAF we discussed that people can become dependent on Clonazepam, you're not at the moment but if you start misusing that then you could be, I know that's not what you really want. Also, I know that really, behind everything, you do want help, it may be masked by things and you may feel unable to ask for it and unable to talk when you get it but that's what you want. The only way to do that is to mention things to your doctor. Mention that you took too many clonazepam in one go rather than spread over the course of a few days, that can be the starting point, it is also something she is semi-expecting or she wouldn't have given you the whole lot together.if they don't know anything about what's going on then they can't help you. Don't just go and say 'everything is fine, can I have all the clonazepam this time (and tbh, if you ask your GP that given the history of you ODing along with you freaking out the first time you took it) she will be suspicious and likely want to know what's happened. She sounds nice and caring as well as non-judgemental, the type of doctor I'd wish to have and I think even if you told her a small amount then she'd be able to help. You don't have to go straight away into saying that you believe you're dead (though I think it may be worthwhile to discuss with her and then hopefully she can tell you conclusively from a medical point of view whether or not you are and from a psychological stand she can get you the help you need if she feels it necessary and you agree) and definitely nothing things from yep ask if they're really bothering you but self harm and overdosing isn't the answer to everything. Trust me, if it was I wouldn't have stopped as I've still got most of the problems going on now that I did back then and some added on.

Auror. · 06-05-2015, 06:21 PM

I said I could not remember when i took them but I knew that it was not all at once. Have acquired the rest. I agreed to not take all of them at once but that does not mean I could take all of them except for one or mix them. I did not lie.

Auror. · 07-05-2015, 08:50 PM

If I did not need to be functional to meet a friend tomorrow I would have od'd already. Money issues are now piling up. My mother is giving me shit about it so I can't ask her for money. I can't do this. I can't do this and I just need to make sure I really am dead because this isn't happening.

edit: I don't want this thread bumped or anything but I have asked it be closed. Thank you all for the support. It means a lot. <3