Contains sexual abuse - not coping

[l.e.g.o]

she doesnt want to hear details
said its not necessary even though ive said i want to get it pout of my head
noone to listen to details
sorry
curls up

[Frail Existence]

its ok jo. could always talk to tracie with deails and all when or if you want. maybe get a counselor and tell them. they would listen to it better but im not saying its a guarantee. The therapist probly isnt ready to hear details or wouldnt be able to kind of like anna or others on here. But can always write it down irl or on here. maybe journal or different thread or talk to tracie? she wont and never does mind. she likes to.

its ok Jo. no need be sorry. doing good job talking though. *safely cuddles you* i think youre very wonderful. people irl just cant see it.

[l.e.g.o]

ive told tracie some of it
i feel like im being unfair
i shouldnt be here anymore
its not right
im useless
i just cause issues
im sorry
im crap and i want to die

[Frail Existence]

You are absolutely none of those things Jo.
what feels unfair?
you should be here and nobody is useless.
What issues do you think you cause? I dont think you cause issues nor does demons to some or anna or tracie or jen or... lots and tons of people think you dont cause issues and know you are an amazing person.

[l.e.g.o]

its unfair to tell people about it all
i just am a pain
was in chat and asked someone to talk and got told i made them feel useless when they talked to me and i never meant that to be the case
i should keep quiet if thats how i make people feel

[lynx]

You're making people feel useless because you've been like this for practically all of your life & no-one seems to be able to do anything constructive about it. The only one who can change your situation is you, Jo. Change your therapist, get a different home, make something of your life without your current environment. I've been telling you for a year now. I will keep telling you till it sinks in.

[Frail Existence]

Just because that one member said you made him or her feel useles doesnt man you make everybody feel useless.
No offense to the regulars in chat but many people havve had issues with them. I have talkked to a few other members who have been told same thing or worse.
Its not unfair. They are willing to hear it. It is fair.
I know you didnt mean for that to be the case either. Its not really your fault they feel useless though. And only make that person feel useless that one time. Dont listen to the words that person said.

[l.e.g.o]

i am just going tokeep quiet from now on
sorry
i try and things
i talk to therapist
i tell them when im failing
i cant get myself rereferred cos they wont do it
i dont havr the money to get myself a place on my own and me and my boyfriend are still looking for a joint place
apologies that im useless
sorry

[Frail Existence]

Jo... I know you cant believe it rught now but you arent useless. Listen to your boyfriend. Useless people arent amazing and you are amazing. We all know you try and that is good thing to do. Dont give up or let anything stop you. You are very strong as well. Its great you talk to the therapist as well. Dont stop doing that either. No need to keep quiet. You would only be worse off. Keeping things in is not good. Im always here if you ever need to talk as is Demons To Som and many others.

The way your parents treat you or make you feel like or even you feeling like this or struggling does not reflect who you are or anything of that sort. You are struggling but youre strong enough to keep going. most people cant and wouldnt be able to go through what you are going through and you are doing the best you can with the way you are and where your living. Youre really great but as I said before, some of the closest people you know dont realize that.

[l.e.g.o]

what does it all matter
id be better off dead

[Frail Existence]

It all matters. You matter. Wouldnt be better off dea. Dont need to die or hurt yourself or be quiet Jo. We all know you are trying. An awesome job at that to. Just take one step at a time and you can get through this. We are here for you every step of the way as well.

[l.e.g.o]

to many peiple think im not
i keep feeling hands
feel it all happening
im sorry
curls up

[Frail Existence]

too many people think youre not amazing/ not useless? Well, they dont know you then!
Sorry youre feeling hands. Any distractions could try?
*holds you lovingly and safely*

[l.e.g.o]

that im not trying
notjhing works

[Frail Existence]

They are wrong! They arent you and dont see it. I see youre trying! As does everybody on RYL! Then that means they think you have given up. You havent given up, even though I know you want to. Youre trying. They dont see or have to go through what you are going through, so they have no where to speak. Dont listen to them Jo.

I dont know what would. Sorry. Hmm... I am going to do a bit of research on that sometime and see if I can fnd anything. If I do, for sure will share it with you.

[BridgesAndBalloons]

I see that you're trying too, you're making a huge effort and it gives hope to people like me that I can carry on fighting too.

[needle girl]

*pops in*
*leaves hugs and snuggles*

you are strong to have been through what you have and still be here and still trying.
are there any organizations that could help you get into a safe place to live honey?

[l.e.g.o]

i just want it over
a friend of mine talked to a refuge in my home town for me
they said they couldnt help as it was parents being abusive not my partner
sorry

[needle girl]

thats good that the friend talked and i wish they would take you in, shouldnt matter who is doing the abusing. any other organizations to try?

[l.e.g.o]

not that i know of
talked int herapy today about birthdays and what happens
caused flashback
sorry