I cut because of self hate, guilt, and depression. What do you think drives you to cut? I thought most people cut for the same reasons as me but today I talked to a girl who said she used to do it when she was stressed.
Last edited by explorerwish : 12-04-2011 at 02:49 AM.
I cut for some of the same reasons you do. Most of it is because of self hatred and depression. Sometimes I do it after going a while without SI, even though things aren't really going wrong. It's just kinda a way I deal with things that are going on around me. Not a good coping mechanism though.
Hope you're doing alright
"God take me, because I hate me" -Underoath
We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, and students. We have depression, PTSD, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some not. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every race or religion that you can think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks.
I cut due to anxiety, depression, and self hatred. All the results of childhood abuse.
"Life it seems to fade away, drifting farther everyday. Getting lost within myself. Nothing matters, no one else. Deathly lost, this can't be real. Cannot stand this hell I feel. Emptiness is filling me."
Half the time, I don't even know why I do it so it doesn't even make sense. But I do know that it's going to make whatever negative emotions I have, go away. I'm not sure there are solid reasons, it's just a little bit like a habit now.
I used to think I did it for a lot of reasons - the ones mentioned like self-hatred, guilt, depression, also because it seems to prevent panic attacks escalating, and when I wasn't thinking 'right' I did it to 'get back at' someone.
But I think now that it's to have a sense of control.
A variety of reasons.
I do it mainly to calm myself from anxiety and sadness, but sometimes I do it out of self-hate and anger or as self-punishment. Other times though, I have no real reason at all and just do it for the want or feeling..
Self-hate, depression, hopelessness, to have something I still get control over, mostly anger I think tho. I don't really know if it's that which leads me to cut, I just do it.
I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Livin' with myself nothing but lies
I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Livin' with myself is all I have
I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time
I hate myself therefore punishment.
It's the only thing that makes me feel calm.
It helps me to escape thoughts and feelings and memories.
Like Em said as well, control is a huge part of this.
In a strange way, it also helps me to feel less alone.
I'm on my 12th day of no self-harm today, but when I cut, there were many reasons. You see, I was and still am going through a time when doctors were dismissing my many pains and illnesses without a second thought. I started self-harming (not cutting, other methods) in order to create "real" pain and "proof" of this pain's reality. It was also an issue of control. If I could only self-harm enough, maybe I'd calm down.
By the time it had developed to cutting, I STARTED cutting because I hated myself (the result of depression and several anxiety disorders) because I wasn't perfect, and I felt the need to punish myself. I felt I deserved the pain as punishment. I would never deserve happiness. And by the time it had become a habit, it was an issue of addiction. It was the only way I KNEW how to cope any more, so it was my first response.