I just get the feeling they're doing what suits them, not whats in the best interestes of me and bubs, as I said this has been going on for 2 weeks now, you'd think they would have come out to check to make sure bubs isnt in distress or anything, but nothing, and they just fob me off whenever I ask questions.
That is why you have to stomp your feet, essentially. However crappy things are, don't go it alone, please. I think you are best going to the hospital and speaking to a doctor (there is always one around) and also, going and speaking to your GP.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
agh!!! im leaving freyja with my friend overnight tonight and having a well deserved break at my other friends house. we are having a night of drinks, gossip and dvds which should be fun. but i literally feel sick i am so nervous about leaving freyja! i havent been away from her overnight ever, so i am panicking!!! i know shes in safe hands and will be fine but i cant help iiiit!!!!
my baby :(
"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you" - Dr Samuel Loomis
The other tactic to take is go to another hospital, you can give birth (and so be seen) at any other hospital. The NHS may be bad, but at least if things go wrong they can help both you and baby, if you're on your own, what'd happen if something went awry?
I really can see how distressing this must be for you, so, whilst there may be one doctor, could you wait to see them? Can you not go back and just demand to be seen? They can't strictly speaking turn you away.
Remember, they are busy, but they are trained. x
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
A doula is a birthing partner who's been trained specifically to help women through birth. Some specialise in trauma, others might specialise in multiples and others are there for everyone.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
My point is that you have options and the one that is usually most effective is to go to the hospital and make damn sure they listen and don't shun you.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Unassisted births happen all the time with no complications (its a bit like airplane crashes, you don't hear about the unproblematic ones that often) i may be missing parts of the convo, but if the pregnacy has been absolutely normal, and hospital's stress her out as much as they seem to, calling her OB/GYN or midwife for a home visit or the ambulance when its turning out to be the real thing may not be entirely a bad idea if her mother-in-law was there to help out.
but yes, it is risky to birth a child unassisted, multiple births more so. perhaps make an appointment with your mother in law and your obstetrician to discuss your options and what to do if it doesn't look like you will make it to the hospital.
i have heard that having your nipples stimulated between contractions may bring birth about faster. don't take my word on it tho.
found a really interesting site on home birth this was how to deal with NHS
Quote:
What if you phone when you are in labour, and are told no midwives are available?
Have someone with you who is not your partner or mother or other close, emotionally involved person. This person should have ideally had a successful homebirth herself and at a minimum be entirely supportive of your plans to do so, comfortable advocating for you in a situation where you are being told that there will be no midwife sent, and able to be calm in such a situation.
Prepare your supporter by practicing the 'broken record' technique with her. No matter what they say, your supporter should keep replying that you are going to give birth at home and are expecting a midwife to be sent. When they say they definitely won't send one, she should keep playing the record -- 'Clare is going to give birth at home and we look forward to seeing a midwife.' Needless to say, you should not be involved in this exchange -- you have enough to do! And we recommend that someone other than your partner be the spokesperson, so that your partner can concentrate on you. At no time should your advocate say, 'Okay' or 'I understand' or try to reason with the person on the phone. Just keep playing the record.
Don't think of it as preparing yourself for a fight; think of it as preparing not to fight by being clear about your position and having support to keep strong in that position.
from www.homebirth.org.uk
said site has more tips and stuff. i got many results on google for consistent information on home births, including a World Health Organization, pretty much saying that assisted home births have as good outcomes, if not better than hospital ones, provided that the pregnancy is low-risk. just remember, strict hygiene, and get assistance the moment you feel its necessary.
i hope for your sake bubs comes soon Berni.
Take care
...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull
No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer
Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~
Ktanaya, i've not read all the post thoroughly - i'm too tired atm - but unassisted means without a midwife, a homebirth usually implies having a midwife there. Homebirths are wonderful as a midwife is on hand if need be, with unassisted births, it's a whole different story because unless someone present is medically trained to a level that can help mother and baby, things can go wrong.
Berni, i've realised on this thread i've come across incrediably negatively but i initially wanted a homebirth (i think they are brill btw) but ended up on hospital; i wont go into detail but however much you dislike midwives and doctors they can literally save the life of you and your baby.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Berni - despite the fact it's difficult, you need to try and remain as calm/relaxed as you can, because the more you stress yourself out, the more uncomfortable you're going to become.
Listen to music/bounce on your birthing ball/spend time on your own to chill out.
I've always believed things happen for a reason, and i think baby will come in it's own time, and everything will simply slip into place.
The more adament you're about having everything a certain way, the more things will probably go in the opposite direction!!
I've been through labour and it's not the nicest of experiences to go through, so yes i do know how stressful pregnancy/contractions are. But i can't help but sense throughout these past few pages you seem really agitated. *big hugs* You need to try to calm yourself down.
I do have to agree that unassisted births aren't the best idea in the world. Doula's can be gotten at any stage during pregnancy, and some aren't as expensive as others. So you should look into that.
Going through labour on your own is fine, and even if a midwife was there and in a different room she'll still be there for any complications which will put you more at ease during labour, but going through birth can be traumatic/tiring, and sometimes you need that extra bit of confidence from a midwife to know you're doing well and that you can do it. I know you don't necessarily like your midwife, but you're lucky in the sense that you're getting the necessary option to have your baby at home. Around here it's hospital or "nothing" (unless going to another hospital/area).
Keep your chin up. The more you relax, the more the baby will relax. The more you stress out..the more the baby will sense this.
Just remember you could go onto 42 weeks (not a pleasant thought i know), but from what i've read that's doubtful. I think it would be a good idea however to get yourself checked over to see how much you're effaced/dilated by.
hey berni, im sorry to hear ur having a rough time at the minute, i hope it goes ok for you, i dont really have any advice but wanted to let you know im thinking of you.
I really do hope you get your homebirth as planned
ack lost it.
s'ok Kitten. i was half asleep so it does seem that i changed tack halfway thru that post.
the quote was how to get a NHS midwife for a home birth if you were having difficulties getting one from NHS.
on the unassisted thing, yeah its risky, i'm not saying its not. I'm an aussie, our hospitals can be fairly spread out, as well as our homes. so aussie girls don't always make it to the hospital before the birth, and sometimes the ambos don't make it to them. We tend to get a few 'human interest' news stories about so and so's child arrived in the ute/bathroom/kitchen each year. twins delivered on route to hospital out bush type stories. over 360 babies in 2005.
it is risky but you can minimise that risk. strict hygiene and knowledge of how to give birth safely, as well as knowing when professional assistance looks like it will be needed (i.e. when things are going to go wrong) will reduce the risk. which is basically what seems to happen in hospital, with alot of 'just in case' measures that can be unnecessary and potentially problem causing. the midwife at home assists, but few, if any can perform an emergency c-section if its needed, does that mean everyone should only give birth with a surgeon present, just in case?
ideally, a home birth should have a medical professional present (midwife or obstetrician). if thats not possible, telling horror stories about what-if's is just going to stress people more, which can cause some of the problems. Your NHS is a phonecall away and they should be able to talk you thru measures to keep everything as safe as possible until the ambos/midwife arrives. thats all i was trying to say.
Take care
...I try to outsmart him, but somehow he knows,
Wherever I am, that f***ing dog goes... - Dog, Andy Bull
No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer, or inflict. - Amenadiel, Lucifer
Why is the path unclear,
When we know hope is near
Understand we'll go hand in hand, but we'll walk alone in fear
~~Margo is my penguin 🐧!!! ~~
Berni, your antenatal teacher sounds like they'd be brilliant to be at the birth, in a similar way to a doula. I could be wrong, but i think doula's can be cheaper (or not charge at all) if they're still training. Unfortunately Chris' opinion may not change until after you've had bubs; it's upsetting when all you want is some understanding though. Could you get his mum to reinforce that this isn't just like a bad period...?
Ktanaya, my point wasn't to tell "horror stories" in any way at all; it's just certainly in the UK, most antenatal classes and midwives give a misleading view of birth etc. A surgeon doesn't need to be present at all, but having a midwife there is so important, even if they're just in the same room. So many births go wonderfully well, but even then a baby can need a moments attention after they're born (which someone untrained couldn't do) or there may be problems delivering the placenta. My point is at the end of the day, midwives are important and shunning them isn't a safe move. That was all. :)
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
You srsly should consider going into the hospital. Even if you're scared as ****, it'll be over with and you can go home. If there's a complication that hurts the baby (or you), you could be stuck with that (and the guilt) forever.
Lucy, berni has been planning a home birth from the beginning. they're very common and unless there are serious complications, there aren't any problems. only reason she has been talking unassisted is cause of ebing screwed around by the stupid ass NHS!
*pets Berni* you DO need to calm down though! otherwise you're going to do yourself some harm! i hope things are picking up!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Crazylucyloo - If you read back a few posts, you'll see that Berni said she will have a midwife present, but if she doesn't feel comfortable with her then she'll ask her to wait outside the room, rather than peering over her shoulder the whole time. I think that's pretty sensible, all she needs to do is call, and the midwife can be with her in a second.
I'm planning to do much the same thing in hospital. I'm high risk, so I'll go to hospital but I don't actually want any interference unless absolutely necessary, so they can be on hand, but monitor me from a distance.
Berni - keep your head up hon, and I'm totally agreeing with kicking Chris in the balls. I've had really bad period pains and I reckon the only thing similar for a bloke must be getting kicked in the balls, so give it a go
Oh, and on a positive note, although it can hurt, I'm really enjoying seeing elbows/bum/feet sticking out now! Rusty's seen and felt it too, I tell him where to press and we debate which bit of the baby it is! I'm really loving being able to feel parts of him - I stroke his feet when he sticks them out
On the negative side, since I fell last monday, my hips have been much worse and if I didn't have my crutches I don't think I could get out of the house much at all
I'm expecting 2am feeds when the little one arrives, as he is always awake around 2, every single night! I can't wait to hvae him in my arms
Aww Ragdoll, are they going to to induce you because of your hips, or will just wait till bubs comes naturally? I remember feeling as though my pelvis was about to shatter, so i can't imagine how horrible it must be having such sore hips :(
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
