Out of spoons

[one_step_closer]

Not selfish at all. They said talking about bad things was awkward? If that's what you need from them, to hear you, then that's what they should be giving you. It's not an unreasonable request. I can see things are shit for you right now, it's not fair.

[Auror.]

Is there a way to explain that to them that talking about how bad things are is hard and talking about your dog is a coping mechanism when things are bad? I know it is for me, and I think that can be acknowledged and things being bad can be acknowledged WHILE ALSO TALKING ABOUT NICE DOG THINGS.

ex. "So do you think you can stay safe for the next day, what nice thing can you and your dog do together or can you focus on her nice puppy paws or her soft ears and get some quality snuggles."

I dunno that's how my providers do things with me.

[Buttons.]

I'd like to be able to get the bad stuff out and then talk about the dog and stuff before they leave.

Also I keep crying, I don't know what's wrong with me, I generally cope in other ways than crying like a pathetic loser. But I can't SH because I don't want it to get out of hand and with the voices etc it probably will.

[chinahorse]

Can you tell them that? That you need to de-escalate by talking about normal stuff before they go?

Crying isn't pathetic.

[Buttons.]

Thanks Lillie.

At about 5am I had the shittiest phonecall with home treatment known to man they basically thought because I was crying I was drunk and I tried to explain no I;m crying because I;m in crisis and the guy wouldn't budge 'nobody would be this emotional if they weren't drunk'. So I thought sod it if that's what they're going to think even when I haven't had a drink I might as well have one. Also been vomitting blood again but like hell I'm going to risk getting help with that. I just... I wish I had access to my meds to take a massive od but I don't so I can't....

I wouldn't judge anyone else for crying Lillie just me.

[tamobhuuta]

What a ****** sorry he drove you to drink. How are you now?

[one_step_closer]

Wow, some people who are meant to help just do the opposite. What support are you getting at the moment? I think you need to mention the vomiting blood to someone, it's not like they can say you're making things up or being dramatic. It's a very real and visible thing.

[Puck]

Sorry I can't say much but I've read this and I care about you, we used to talk in chat when it was going. You are kind and selfless, it's time you put yourself first I hope you have help soon, sending a massive hug.

[Buttons.]

Tambo I am just about survivng.

Thanks for the advice Lins

Puck it means a lot that you remember me, hope things are going as okay as possible for you x

[Auror.]

That's horrible. How are you doing now?

[Buttons.]

I'm crying again. I hate myself.

[nonperson]

Crying is ok, Buttons. I know it feels horrible and weak and pathetic and messy but it is just letting out everything that's inside and that's a good release.

Edit: And just to clarify, you are none of those things above.

[Auror.]

Feelings suck sometimes. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and maybe get some good snuggles from your dog.

[chinahorse]

Leaving some love for you here.

[one_step_closer]

Self hate isn't a nice feeling but I know that it's sometimes easier than self care. We don't hate you, I hope that you can at least feel some of that love. How are things today?

[Stellata]

How's things today?

[Buttons.]

Thanks for all the care and support guys <3 feeling a little bit rotten as had an appointment yesterday and I had toanswer honesty which brought up a whole load of shit. Not too tragic though.

[Auror.]

I'm glad you were able to be honest. Still sending love.

[Stellata]

Take gentle care of yourself.

[one_step_closer]

Well done for being honest, I hope you can be kind to yourself. I hope today is at least a bit better for you.