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Old 26-01-2020, 08:17 AM   #1
Soulstorm
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Learning to get over previous friends lost

Between me and them has been quite some problems. I was going to make this thread about the details of these problems but I had a second thought and realised that that's not what should really be addressed because it doesn't matter anymore. They are ungrateful enough that they don't support me in my hardest times despite that I have done so much good for them, and to them, I seem irrelevant to their lives. And I have known them for 4 years, gave them gifts on their birthdays (they never reciprocated for 4 years... not that I care or even want anything) and even invited them around places on my own expense. I even offered one of my cats for them to adopt. Instead of communicating properly with me and supporting me, they act like they don't know me. I mean of all the good things I did for them, I dont mind if they dont recirpocate but the least I would expect is some understanding, but no, even that is not possible. I have decided I wanted to end things with them because they don't respect me enough to trust me and listen to me. As if all the good things I did, does not matter anymore.

Ever since I cut contact from them, I am left with frustration because of our lack of communication and how they treat me unfairly. And it keeps getting to me everyday. The problems between me and them are irrelevant now. I need to come to terms and move on but I don't know any good coping mechanism to help me deal with this. Any advice please?

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Old 26-01-2020, 08:39 AM   #2
The Worst Witch
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Scotland
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I don’t know how you ended things with them, whether you had a conversation with them or just stopped messaging. Could your frustration be die to the fact they don’t seem to care about you as you did them? A conversation where you discuss things may be helpful, but that of course depends on whether you want to have it, whether you think the other person(s) would be receptive to such a conversation, etc.

In terms of “moving on”, other than perhaps having a conversation with them to bring closure the only thing that is going to help is time. It’s natural to feel upset, you need to gove yourself time to come to terms with the situation and process your emotions. If you find yourself dwelling on things, a good strategy I find is reading a book or doing something else you enjoy to take your mind off things. Is there anything you enjoy doing that could take you away from the situation and give you some respite for a bit?

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Old 26-01-2020, 09:08 AM   #3
Soulstorm
 
Join Date: Jan 2020

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Originally Posted by The Worst Witch View Post
I don’t know how you ended things with them, whether you had a conversation with them or just stopped messaging. Could your frustration be die to the fact they don’t seem to care about you as you did them? A conversation where you discuss things may be helpful, but that of course depends on whether you want to have it, whether you think the other person(s) would be receptive to such a conversation, etc.

In terms of “moving on”, other than perhaps having a conversation with them to bring closure the only thing that is going to help is time. It’s natural to feel upset, you need to gove yourself time to come to terms with the situation and process your emotions. If you find yourself dwelling on things, a good strategy I find is reading a book or doing something else you enjoy to take your mind off things. Is there anything you enjoy doing that could take you away from the situation and give you some respite for a bit?
Hello The Worst Witch, thank you for your response. Yes, I do have several hobbies that I love engaging in. And it does help me not think about them. This problem I had with them is a recent matter so you're right I do need time. I did have quarrels with them, yet they are not receptive. Not as in they don't respond, but they respond in ways that are not supportive and understanding. I don't really want to get into the details of the problem because its really sensitive to me. But it kind of shows me what kind of people they are. Anyway, the point is, I really wish I could get over them easier. It just makes it worse that I don't have other friends, and its hard for me to make new ones as I have social anxiety. :(

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Old 26-01-2020, 09:19 AM   #4
The Worst Witch
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Scotland
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I do sympathise with the difficulty in making friends. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have quite frequently have to reassure me that they are in fact my friends and they like spending time with me, so I do understand.

I wonder who you have in your life that supports you? Professionals, parents etc? Maybe talking to them (if present) would be helpful?

The thing that helped me make friends (and this sounds silly) is the fact that I love children. So, I met one of my best friends as a result of her little boy, he loves me and constantly wants to see me etc etc and our friendship built that way. I realise this might not be possible because of social anxiety or your situation but do you have anything in your life (college, work etc) where you could start slowly by saying “morning,” or whatever to people? Not sure how practical this would be, but just a suggestion.

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Old 26-01-2020, 10:26 AM   #5
Soulstorm
 
Join Date: Jan 2020

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Originally Posted by The Worst Witch View Post
I do sympathise with the difficulty in making friends. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have quite frequently have to reassure me that they are in fact my friends and they like spending time with me, so I do understand.

I wonder who you have in your life that supports you? Professionals, parents etc? Maybe talking to them (if present) would be helpful?

The thing that helped me make friends (and this sounds silly) is the fact that I love children. So, I met one of my best friends as a result of her little boy, he loves me and constantly wants to see me etc etc and our friendship built that way. I realise this might not be possible because of social anxiety or your situation but do you have anything in your life (college, work etc) where you could start slowly by saying “morning,” or whatever to people? Not sure how practical this would be, but just a suggestion.
I do have a life coach actually I can talk to. I don't see her often but next time I will definitely talk to her.

In my hobbies, it is possible to meet people, but sometimes I get caught up that I dont focus on the socialising part. But I will try.

In the meantime. There is this one guy I met in a club and I got his snapchat. He posts snaps of him every now and then and he seems like an awesome guy. But I cannot live up to his confidence. He seems really nice, he goes clubbing often, I don't know how to start a conversation with him. I already said hi a few times and had small talk with him but thats it. At this point I feel awkward. How do I start off with him. Do you have any tips?

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Old 26-01-2020, 09:03 PM   #6
The Worst Witch
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
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I guess I would keep going with the small talk. Maybe the next time you see him online (never used snapchat so I don't know how it works) you could say "hi, how's it going?" and then take the conversation from there. That's how I tend to start new friendships, and then it builds from there naturally.

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