Cutting in daily life

[Daedalus28]

I'm a 28 year old male and have been cutting for several years now. One thing I've noticed in that time is that it has become more and more a part of my life, which is to say that I have relied upon it to a greater extent as a source of mood stabilization ("happily", more or less). I will interject briefly and indicate that I don't advocate self injury for anyone but am merely interested in learning about other's experience in relation to my own. I've tried many different kinds of therapy and been (and am still on) a variety of medications. They each have helped me manage my moods better but I've found that cutting is the one consistent thing I can do to keep myself from going into severe (sometimes suicidal) depression. It's become for me a kind of tool, the way maybe having a drink or two a few days a week or drinking coffee in the morning may be for others. I'll mention here too that I always do it in a safe manner (which the therapists I've been to indicate is safe too).

My question to other people (adults) is whether they have developed a similar relationship to cutting - i.e. it is something they do to stabilize their mood without a significant degree of regret or shame attached to the act itself, trying to find other modes of self soothing as possible, but always comfortable using cutting as a "back up" when things seem to be falling apart (since not doing it could entail far worse).

I'll indicate again - I don't advocate cutting, I'm merely interested in knowing whether (or to what extent) the particular self harm relationship holds true for people other than myself.

Thanks!

[in_BPD_hell]

Yep. I'm 29
I cut. Not badly.
Intermittently. I get nothing out of it these days done it for the last 10 years. It's more of a habit. I wish I'd never started
I'd encourage anyone to never start
It's addictive
I used to use it to cope.. I guess I still do in some way
I don't feel guilty about it
Unless someone sees then I feel ashamed

[ennae]

I can relate. I am in my mid-30's and am finding that cutting is becoming more and more the 'default'. It feels like the only way I can express that things are not ok without doing something more serious - either to myself or breaking laws etc. I am very worried about the fact that the more I cut, the more scars I have and the more likely that is going to stuff up my life even more.

[havealittlefaith]

I feel guilty and ashamed by it !!

It's my only way to cope !!

[Daedalus28]

Thanks a lot for the responses. I have no particular qualms about cutting as such, but sometimes I think that I'm utterly pathological. I'll start going into these mixed states (precursor to being borderline suicidal for me). Cutting completely pulls me out of it. I never make any real deep cuts and none of the doctors/therapists I've been to have made an issue out of it since they are so superficial. My therapist sees my cutting - since it is under control- as basically another form of self harm like drinking, smoking etc. in general, the periods of my life where I have cut I have felt much happier than when I haven't. It's sort of interesting because there's the common perspective that no one should ever, in any circumstance, cut themselves. For me, however, it's been good (since I keep it under control) or at least better than anything else I've tried.

I very much hope that no one reads this post and decides to start cutting or increase their amount of cutting. It's just to share a particular perspective.