There is so much info about preventing suicide but what are alternatives to suicide, if that makes sense? When suicide is a want, want, want are there other ways to achieve whatever it would bring? I know there are probably different reasons why people would want to die and that death would stop everything so wouldn't really be giving anything as such, but I guess people want to escape or for the emotional pain to stop or to be free from responsibilities or whatever etc. This article (link) looked like it was going to answer my question and I suppose it kind of does but it also doesn't. I'm not sure if I am asking the right question here. I'm not looking for ways to stay safe/prevent suicide as such but to 'achieve suicide' without dying if that makes any sense. How do you ease your suicidal pain? How do you get something that satisfies the suicidal impulse?
Whatever personal thoughts you have about this they are welcome, I'm not looking for something that will be suitable just for me but looking for your own stories/ideas. Also, most definitely not asking for self harm/suicide tips.
If any of this makes sense to you please share what you think.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Mindfulness and meditation (I know, I know). It's a tricky one because it's something simultaneously so hard for people with long-term mental health difficulties to learn, and yet one of the things that, taught well and diligently practiced, can benefit people with long-term mental health difficulties more than many other things!
There is a school of thought that essentially (and I don't know much about it myself really) we need to really accept what's going on, what's gone on and whatever may happen. It's kind of like letting go of resistance. Resistance to pain, resistance to the inevitable changes in life, resistance to suffering.
Way easier said than done, but once you get a taste is it it starts to make sense, and that can be achieved, very slowly, with mindfulness and meditation techniques.
I don't know if it's an impossible suggestion. I don't think it is, but I absolutely recognise that it's very challenging for most 'normal' people, never mind the struggles that many of us have to live with on a day-to-day basis.
I also think that what Soft Kitty said about acceptance instead of struggling can really help (it's the basis of ACT if you're unfamiliar with that type of therapy, and was a therapy that I found immensely helpful when things like DBT failed). It's sort of a shift in perspective that is a bit difficult and abstract but really can help.
What I've been told by my therapist is that constantly thinking about suicide as being your only option is in fact indicative of existential suffering. It's also at least for me an automatic thought process.
So I guess it's trying to find ways to alleviate that existential suffering, and ways to recognise automatic thought processes as things that you don't necessarily need to act on, or that can potentially someday change. So that could mean working towards longer term life goals, or just trying to find little things that give you a sense of meaning or purpose. Or both. It's really personal for what can help with that.
For me it also means recognising I need more help or more support with practical things, like managing day to day obligations, bills and financial obligations. Or other things as they come up that for other folks might not be big deals. So for example if I get a letter or email that my internet rate is going up, I might need help understanding the letter and figuring out what I need to do to work it out. Where for another person they might not go into crisis over something like that. I've learned that I need to be forgiving of myself in that type of situation and reach out for help and support with it, instead of just letting my anxiety and thoughts spiral. So reaching out as soon as things come up instead of letting them just sit and get ignored.
It's also about harm reduction/management for me. Finding less destructive things I can do to manage urges. Then with my therapist and other supports, making sure the focus stays on the underlying issues. For me, having thoughts and urges and plans for suicide and self harm is pretty normal. So putting the focus on that for years has basically meant none of my real issues get dealt with. So it's me understanding that I need to be in a safe enough place to actually deal with stuff. Which means I have to do my best to manage things in safer ways. I'm not saying that's easy, but it was a radical shift in mindset for me. I can't get the kind of help and support I need if I am at physical risk. So for my treatment providers, that means when I talk about being dead, we literally can't focus on that. We can validate that need and the feelings, but we need to focus on the thing that is making me feel like being dead. Sometimes I need to remind them of that, but at this point the providers I work with also understand that the thought processes I have aren't indicative of needing immediate crisis support.
It's also actually helped me boundary wise that my therapist has told me it isn't her job to keep me alive. That if I need what she calls it as "mental health life support" then I do legitimately need to be inpatient. That's not what she does, and that's not what therapy is for. So if I want to keep moving forward towards any possibility of things easing up or changing, I need to be able to participate in therapy.
I might come back to this or you can tell me if what I've said isn't useful.
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
I think soft kitty and Camden has made some great suggestions and very valid points. The only think i thought of when Reading this was something my psychologist suggested i do every day, simplyask myself the question 'what would i like right now???' Instead of letting things fester and spiral out of control i try to ask myself every now and then what i would like or what i need right now. When i don't pay attention to what i really need, the thoughts and feelings quickly spiral out of control and turn to self harm and suicide. If i can get better at tuning in on myself and understand what i like and what i need, then i stand a better chance at avoiding things that are ultimately detrimental to me.
It's a way of breaking a destructive pattern. And like with everything else, it takes time. I am personally not sure a single life is time enough to truly master it. But as my psychologist also told me, the destination is not the most important thing. That is the journey. And the journey continues as long as you keep trying.
