How is it your fault? You're so hard on yourself!
I'm presuming you're feeling anxious - maybe try find ways of grounding yourself, focusing on an object, literally sitting on the floor if you have to. I always find when you focus on your breath more it makes things worse so distraction/thinking of something else, doing something else may help.
Writing things down is really positive. Why don't you share things on here or RYL blogs or a blog like live journal where people can offer their support too and you don't have to deal with it all on your own.
Take care x
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