Live Help


Forum Jump
Post New Thread  Closed Thread
Old 07-09-2009, 09:37 AM   #1
e.taylor
 
e.taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
I am currently:
not knowing your father

I was just wondering if there is anyone on here who has never known their father. and if they wouldnt mind sharing how that has been growin up. pm meif thats easier perhaps?

the reason i ask is that i am currently pregnant, and the child is never going to know their father (not trough any concious choice of mine) and while im not looking to be judged for that, so please dont post telling me im an idiot, i also want to hear the truth, so dont feel you have to sugar coat your experiences to be kind.

any replies would bevery much appreciated.
its really playing on my mind.
thanks x



Don't loose your passion, or the fighter thats inside of you.
Let this battle commence. One last time....

(\__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

e.taylor is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 11:35 AM   #2
Popple
 
Popple's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007

Is there anything in particular that worries you about the child not knowing their father?
I didn't know mine for a very long time until I decided to try make contact which luckily turned out well but growing up I honestly didn't think anything of it. It had always been like that so I didn't think anything of it. Thats just the way it was.



You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.


Popple is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 11:52 AM   #3
Diamonds.
04/03/13 <3
 
Diamonds.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: England
I am currently:

I didn't know mine until I was 14. I asked my step-dad, who I thought at the time was my real dad, if he actually was my dad, and they (my mum and dad) admitted he wasen't.
I then went on to meet my real dad, and 3 times he let me down. I guess he didn't really want anything to do with me.
My step-dad is awesome, and he is my DAD, I love him.
Good Luck with your decision, your baby deserves to know his/her dad.
xx




thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.


Diamonds. is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 12:36 PM   #4
Samuel
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: England
I am currently:

I only knew my father for like the first 6 months of my life, so I didn't really know him but yeah.

As annoying as my mother is at times, she's done a pretty decent job of bringing me and my brother up single handed.

I don't think it makes a whole lot of difference. I never really realised that my father wasn't there, as I didn't know any different if that makes sense. I mean, yeah, it would be nice to know my father but from what I've been told he was a bit of a prick anyway so I'm not really bothered.

In short, I don't think having a father figure when growing up is massively important and I'm sure that you will do a great job of bringing up your child (Y).



Heaven makes me free of it,
and the rest is silence.

Proud supporter of a movement I'm not allowed to be proud of.

Samuel is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 02:08 PM   #5
Ami
Perfectly Flawed
 
Ami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
I am currently:

I had never met my dad until last year.

I didnt have a replacement either, it was just me and mam.

I grew up feeling unloved and unwanted because i never heard anything from him for 17 years. Then he got in touch and i met up with him. At first i was really happy, and it was great. But then we fell out about certain stuff.

I am not over the fact he left me for 17 years. I don't think there is any excuse really.

I know that doesnt sound nice, but thats my experience.

I hope things work out for you xxxx





I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.


Ami is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 02:24 PM   #6
Lindsey
 
Lindsey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008

My cousin has been asking me this lately. She has a little boy and his father is not involved at all, and she keeps asking me to check its not going to ruin his life or anything.

I never really thought anything of it when I was little. I still don't now. I've done perfectly well without him.

However, I did have my grandad round the corner. So he was a big male influence in my life.

But that's not to say that I wouldn't have been fine without him.

Lindsey is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 02:24 PM   #7
Chloe.
 
Chloe.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: U.S.
I am currently:

I'm 16 and I still don't know my father.
He just recently got in contact with me.
I haven't met him, though.
I hope everything goes well. x

Chloe. is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 02:42 PM   #8
Ambs(:
 

i have ONLY just met my father, at teh age of 17!
i hated it,
and i was better off without anyway!
it has played a big part of my life, i went alot of time feeling like he hated me, and ALWAYS questiond WHY?
but i think thatw as prob just because im that sort of person i need an answer for everything, obviously i didnt have one...
and iw as just yeah, i just wanted a dad, everyones diff,
congratss btw :)
xx

 
Old 07-09-2009, 05:58 PM   #9
Song_Breeze
Julie
 
Song_Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: London
I am currently:

I feel I did ok, all things considered. Mine left my mum while she was still pregnant. I had my grandad and my uncle growing up, so I had father figures to make up for it. I did end up with one of my mum's boyfriends moving in, and we hate eachother most times, which made me want to get to know my dad. But in the end I knew I was better off without someone like that in my life.

Song_Breeze is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 06:28 PM   #10
e.taylor
 
e.taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
I am currently:

thanks for the replies gys.
girl afraid (sorry dont know your name) im really sorry it was so tough for you growng up.

theres nothing i can do in regard to involving the dad.as much as i'd like to. im just so scared it'll really screw he kid up, not havin him there.
i have a brother, although he's young. and also my dad is round, so there will be male role models i guess.

so thank you all so much for sharing, and giving me something to think about x



Don't loose your passion, or the fighter thats inside of you.
Let this battle commence. One last time....

(\__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

e.taylor is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 07:32 PM   #11
Ami
Perfectly Flawed
 
Ami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
I am currently:

Hey no worries :)

Im Ami, btw.

I just wanted to state how I felt about the absence of my dad, as you wanted honest answers. But if you think it will do more harm than good involving the father, then that may be the best thing to do xx





I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.


Ami is offline  
Old 07-09-2009, 08:22 PM   #12
e.taylor
 
e.taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
I am currently:

yeah i really aprecite our honesty. thanks ami :) x



Don't loose your passion, or the fighter thats inside of you.
Let this battle commence. One last time....

(\__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

e.taylor is offline  
Old 08-09-2009, 02:16 AM   #13
popsicle
 
popsicle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009

My situation is a little bit awkward, because I don't know my real father, but I was raised believing somebody else was my real father until I was...8? Ish? And by then the person I thought was my real father and my mother had divorced. And now my mom has remarried. So I have three people who I could refer to as my father.
It doesn't bother me much, but I think that's partially because I was told pretty early on about it. If I'm having a bad moment it makes me feel sad, but it's really not a big deal to me. I think the more early on you acknowledge it, the better it goes over later on. But I'm also a teenager, so what do I know? xD
I've also never met my biological father and have no urge to. I'd rather not, because I assume he's a dick. I mean, when my mom was pregnant, he pretty much fled the US and went to Ireland because of it. That takes some serious dickery. The person I grew up believing was my father is my father to me, because he's the one who took care of me when I was little and he's the one who pays the child support.

popsicle is offline  
Old 08-09-2009, 03:03 AM   #14
Cryptic.
If at first you don't succeed, try try try again.
 
Cryptic.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: UK, Surrey
I am currently:

I wish I didn't know my biological sperm donor.

Sometimes, it's best for kids not to know who their biological father is.
But, this could go either way.
It could make their lives better, or worse.
Every kid needs a father, and a mother obviously, and it could, as I said, go either way when they learn the truth.

Perhaps someone could be a father figure to your child though, as all kids need father figures in their lives, I think so anyway, but it doesn't always work out that way...



In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.






Cryptic. is offline  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:50 PM   #15
klo_flo
Head Supporter
 
klo_flo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
I am currently:

Hey e-taylor,

I hope you got some sort of answer to your question in the thread. I just wanted to add to something that Ami said.... and I'm also sorry that you felt like you were rejected for 17 years. I do think that it's important for a child to know that it's not to do with them and for the other parent to be very transparent with them - not lie about fathers and talk about it as much as that child needs.

Just as you can feel as the partner of a man/woman that walked away - rejected, alone, to blame, angry... so could your child. We as adults talk about it and have life experience to put it in perspective... you need to be that tool for you child.

Many many *many* young people grow up with just one parent and just as fantastic as young people who grow up with both.

Good luck,
Chloe x



We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.


klo_flo is offline  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:05 PM   #16
confuzzled
C h l o e
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Wigan
I am currently:

Growing up with both parents isn't necessarily a good thing. I know that from experience. So try not to worry yourself about not having the dad around, because at the end of the day your child just needs the love and care it deserves and if your willing to give that then it shouldn't matter if there is no one else around as it has everything it needs.
hope everything goes well.
Take care.

Chloe.

confuzzled is offline  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:35 PM   #17
Blittle1986
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzzled View Post
Growing up with both parents isn't necessarily a good thing. I know that from experience. So try not to worry yourself about not having the dad around, because at the end of the day your child just needs the love and care it deserves and if your willing to give that then it shouldn't matter if there is no one else around as it has everything it needs.
hope everything goes well.
Take care.

Chloe.
I have to honestly disagree with this in part. Having both parents around isn't a good thing 100% of the time, but it would be best if both parents were active in the childs life so they have both a positive female and male figure, keyword being positive.

I grew up without a father figure at all really. I posted a while story about one of the consequences of that, while it doesn't rest solely on that fact, it was a contributing factor.

Your results may vary, but I think it truly does depend on the sex of the child on how badly it will affect them, while no child will be happy to grow up without a father figure in their life, the two different genders will react differently in my experience. A female has it a little easier since they still have another female influence in their life to teach them how to be a strong woman and what it means to be a woman. A male child will not have a male influence to teach them how to be a man in most cases, that is where the problem will arise.

 
Old 09-09-2009, 06:02 PM   #18
confuzzled
C h l o e
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Wigan
I am currently:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blittle1986 View Post
I have to honestly disagree with this in part. Having both parents around isn't a good thing 100% of the time, but it would be best if both parents were active in the childs life so they have both a positive female and male figure, keyword being positive.

Each to their own isn't it. I don't believe that both parents need to be involved. Plus there are plenty more male figures in the OP life as she has stated. I don't think she should worry too much, if at all that the father isn't around as there have been many children brought up badly with both parents.... just like single parents bringing their children up brilliantly. Everythings the same. Can be good, can be bad for both. It's down to the carer at the end of the day. Male or female. That's just my opinion.

confuzzled is offline  
Old 09-09-2009, 07:02 PM   #19
Blittle1986
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by confuzzled View Post
Each to their own isn't it. I don't believe that both parents need to be involved. Plus there are plenty more male figures in the OP life as she has stated. I don't think she should worry too much, if at all that the father isn't around as there have been many children brought up badly with both parents.... just like single parents bringing their children up brilliantly. Everythings the same. Can be good, can be bad for both. It's down to the carer at the end of the day. Male or female. That's just my opinion.
The OP's case is a little better than most since some male role models will exist, but nothing will beat the influence of a good father. Its no secret that most prison inmates come from households with one or both parents are absent, some numbers put it as high as 65%, and with only about 1/10th of the families in America being single parent households, well the numbers speak for themselves.

 
Old 10-09-2009, 12:01 PM   #20
klo_flo
Head Supporter
 
klo_flo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
I am currently:

I think you're debating someones feelings on a situation, which would go on forever and of course we aren't talking about prisoners, but the average person.

You'll find many people on this site for which having both parents around was far worse than just having one and that feeling, or *fact*, can't be changed. So as was said having both parents around isn't always a good thing.

Either way - OP seems to have an OK set up =)
Chloe x



We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.


klo_flo is offline  
Closed Thread


Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:47 AM.

Back to top