Hey guys, not been so long since I last posted begging for advice on an ex.
Here's the low down.
My ex boyfriend has a personal problem, possibly buried as deep as we bury ours. It's not any form of self harm but its embarrassing for him to deal with.
Now we'd gone out for a meal last Tuesday, we'd been mixing drinks and had gotten rather badly with it. I will be honest with you, this only happens when we've both had a lot to drink. It's not a regular occurrence, he's not abusive any other way than verbally, then again so am I when we've been drinking.
I know most of you will turn around and say "well hey Kaz, thats not healthy" Thing is, we weren't constantly drunk around each other, and even when we were drunk we'd get on fine more often than not. (We sound like we were an alcoholic couple...just young kids though! Honest)
Now anyway! I'd been sleeping on his brothers sofa, I'm unsure if my ex saw this as disrespectful, sleeping instead of being in the thick of things with him. I hate being woken up, but he did it anyway, nicely at first then swearing, so I swore back.
Now, this is where his personal problem came up, I used it in the wrong context, it came out before I'd even thought about the way I'd said it.
It's very had to give you guys a scenario that will help you understand because it must have been a 1 in 1000 chance that it'd come out as it did.
It took me a whole day to mull it over, thinking what I'd said to upset him so much, but at the time I couldn't see it for what it was and why he was so annoyed with me. When I finally realized he'd already dumped me.
So I sent him a text, I'd tried to call, tried to explain but he said he wanted to be left alone.
So I left him alone, then he text me saying happy new year, then explained he'd be dropping my stuff off.
So I took my chance, if he was willing to drop me a line I'd grab it, explain myself, then leave him to digest.
I told him I understood why he was angry with me, but that he'd taken it out of context, I asked him if he honestly thought I'd be so understanding about it then use is as a weapon because I was drunk, then I owned up, because yes, I did say it but then I explained that it was just that, a drunken mistake that ruined it all. I then apoligised for making him feel like crap and left it at that.
Next day he dropped my stuff off, I asked if he'd gotten my text, he said yes but he was in no fit state of mind to reply, I left it at that, showed him my new 12mm tunnel (he bought it for me for christmas) he looked well happy that I'd gotten it in, proper grinned at me, he showed me a form he'd gotten from work, talking to me happily. I went to hug him and he hugged me back, so I treaded water and went to kiss him on his cheek. He turned and we ended up just..kissing.
I'm unsure if his pride at forgiving me is at stake, or if I really bruised his ego. He thought I'd said something which later turned out to be untrue, so I just don't know how to take this...
I'm sorry, most of you probably know me as the lenghthy post girl by now, but I like to explain so you don't end up thinking "wtf!"
Thanks if you read it all. I just need some advice, I sure as hell know I want him back, but even if he doesn't want me I don't want to see him out and he doesn't even say hi because he still thinks I'm an evil bitch.
Would this make more sense if I put it in simpler terms?
OR if I asked for some form of advice? I think I forgot to do that.
It feels up in the air to me, the relationship doesn't feel over. I know this isn't because I want to feel this way. It was ended on such a whim. It was a misunderstanding of mass proportions and I think he's realized that ending it probably wasn't the best idea drunk.
I've opted for breathing space for BOTH of us to evaluate how we feel but all I'd really like is some support from you guys. I'd love to know what you'd make of his reaction to meeting me 3 days after the split and kissing and hugging me. Even though the day we split he was rather dismissive with me because he thought I'd blurted out his secret. But after my attempt at fixing what little of it I could he seemed ready to at least make contact with me.
I'm sorry if this seems so confusing but in my eyes the relationship was really, really good.
Some support or even hugs would be ace. Just so I know I can make it through.
Thank you so much guys. I wish you all the best xx
Hey.
I just read this, i dont really know what to say, but here it goes.
Did either of you officially say its over? How long have you been with him?
Maybe he just needs some time to get over it, or for you to show that you dont actually mind about his problem at all.
I think if i were him, i would feel embarrased or like you had been looking down on me/laughing behind my back over my problem the whole time.. maybe his ego is just bruised.
I think if you really want to be with him, you'll have to work hard to get his trust back, and when youre both less emotional sit and have a proper chat about everything and sort of start again.
Also, it might be an idea not to get drunk together for a while, or at least fully resolve the issue before you do as its one of those things that is likely to be drunkenly brought up and result in an argument.
In regards to you kissing, when youre used to being like that with someone, its hard to just switch it off... i think theres very very few people i have split up with and not had at least a kiss with at some point afterwards.. cos its just habit i guess.
sorry if this is no help or anything, but it does sound like what you and him have is usually good, and is more than likely salvagable. It would be a shame to lose it all over one drunken argument.
I didn't post earlier because I didn't really know what to say... still don't but didn't want you to think no-one cared - though bear in mind I'm pretty crap at relationships.
Breathing space sounds a good idea, talking about it as well but that depends on him being willing to talk...
In the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself - we all say things that we don't really mean without thinking. It's bound to be a tough time, are there friends you can meet up with so you don't spend so much time on your own?
He said we were over through a text argument on the night and I had no idea why, like I said it was only when I sat down and thought about that I realized he'd misunderstood me, and I'd put my foot in my mouth.
I've told him I'd never use it against him, no matter how angry I was with him. When I met him he said he hadn't been in the right frame of mind to reply.
I would bet that I've bruised his ego, thinking of it from his point of view he's gone through the motions over the past few days. He's thought I've told his brother in the heat of an argument his secret, ended our relationship in a drunken haze, been left to dwell on it, then I told him he was mistaken but I accepted it was wrong of me, we saw each other, had a moment, now he's left with his thoughts.
He said he'd speak to me in a few days. If he doesn't I'll leave it for a while then just ask how he's doing.
I don't plan on drinking with him for a while, it doesn't bode well for either of us. Thanks again Squirrel. Sound advice :)
Tokoloshe: I think the best thing for me to do right now is let him have some space, possibly a week or two before broaching the subject because it's a really big thing for him. I'm thankful you replied and gave advice, means a lot :)
I'm actually going to a club tonight with some friends just to have a laugh and get out of the house, thanks again you two :)
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