As a 20-year-old college student, I guess I don't relate to you as much as you were hoping, but I wanted to let you know you are
not a freak. I personally think you're very strong to have been going through all these things for an extended period of time. Even if cutting isn't "healthy," you're using it as a coping mechanism to stay alive, and that's better than nothing. I get that, I cut too, and I don't really know how I feel about that. I'm glad to hear though that you're looking for a better way of dealing with things, and I strongly encourage you to seek help in doing this. It's so much easier than trying to do it alone. Either individual therapy or perhaps a treatment center like you mentioned. You deserve so much better, and a coping mechanism that won't just cause more stress. I wish you the best of luck with seeking therapy, I know you can do this. Best wishes