Support please

xlaurenx · 26-03-2021, 05:34 PM

Hi....

I need some support. Currently with home treatment. I have been declined for cmht due to personal reasons and dbt due to not meeting the criteria. And as I am self harming other team wont take me.

Basically I want to od as a form of sh. If I go to a and e it will be home treatment or crisis assessing me if I go there as a place of safety. I just really want to take tablets and don't trust myself atm.

Zurg · 26-03-2021, 06:57 PM

Lauren, if it keeps you safe then please do go to a&e. It's always a better solution than harming even if it feels wrong and unsafe. If you struggle to go can someone come with you or does the Virus make that impossible???

xlaurenx · 26-03-2021, 09:46 PM

It feels wrong...

My head is like it's just.self harm so.... I can keep quiet about ut. And don't need to say anything to anyone.I fell asleep that's why I am only replying now.

one_step_closer · 27-03-2021, 06:37 PM

How are you doing today?

xlaurenx · 28-03-2021, 07:40 PM

Shit! Woke up to find one of my rabbits had died :(

Auror. · 29-03-2021, 01:17 AM

I'm really really sorry. Agree with the suggestion re going to a&e if you are going to harm yourself though. You deserve and can get more relevant support before, not just after. After they have to deal with medical stuff before than can consider addressing the mentals side of things, where before they can try to help with the mentals and make that the priority.

Pomegranate · 29-03-2021, 04:31 AM

I’m really sorry about your bunny. Pets can have such an important part of our lives.

I saw your r&v. How are you feeling now? Doesn’t seem like HTT etc is helping massively.....

Did DBT and CMHT give reasons why they don’t feel their support is appropriate?

xlaurenx · 29-03-2021, 09:03 PM

Dbt said I didn't meet their criteria.
Cmht said because of my job it would be ooa. But I spoke to someone higher who said it would only be out of area of IP. My nurse in htt is fighting my corner though. Though Idk what would help. Htt is better then bugger all I guess.
Eventhough my stomach is killing... I really want to od again emma. :(

Pomegranate · 29-03-2021, 09:12 PM

Do you know why you want to OD? I know that might seem a silly question

Re OOA- that’s bullshit. I know several people who are under OOA CMHT in different parts of the country and have seen patients from OOA for that same reason. I’m glad the nurse is fighting your corner.

xlaurenx · 29-03-2021, 11:34 PM

No idea. It's litrally I just wanna do it again. Idk if it's the act of doing it, That people sound concerned/worried. That people then listen to me it feeds right back into my thought patterns that I found I had when doing CAT. One of the ways to tackle that was to tell people when I am struggling.

It's almost like I tell people I can't trust myself and they still send me home. Like people are not listening. Actions speak louder then words o guess.

Pomegranate · 29-03-2021, 11:55 PM

How has ODing helped things before?

xlaurenx · 30-03-2021, 11:32 AM

People have listened I guess.

xlaurenx · 30-03-2021, 08:23 PM

Really struggling not to do anything :(

one_step_closer · 31-03-2021, 10:23 AM

Would you ever say to someone that you need them to listen and you feel like they only listen when you do something serious? ODs can be very harmful so of course it would be better to try to get them to listen in another way. Being honest about things could make them hear you because I'm sure they wouldn't want you to turn to ODing so they would listen.

xlaurenx · 31-03-2021, 02:07 PM

I have been honest with them.
I told them in a and e I didn't trust myself a few nights ago.

one_step_closer · 31-03-2021, 02:35 PM

What was their response to you telling them you only feel they listen to you if you take an overdose?

xlaurenx · 31-03-2021, 03:22 PM

They told me that ( crisis) that they are taking me seriously.

one_step_closer · 31-03-2021, 05:26 PM

Would you feel able to talk to them in the future instead of taking an OD or harming yourself? They are there to try and help when they can.

xlaurenx · 05-04-2021, 01:54 AM

Htt discharged me :(

Pomegranate · 05-04-2021, 02:07 AM

Tbh Lauren, I guess they figured they weren’t helping you. I saw your r&v and that your OD frequency has increased since being under them so maybe they weren’t helping?

I’m not in ANY way saying that you don’t NEED or DESERVE support. But HTT didn’t seem to be making any difference, if anything the ODs and harming escalated. And you didn’t want to be IP so I guess there isn’t much HTT could offer. You mentioned before there was a nurse who was advocating for longer term support for you- any further word on that?

I’m guessing right now your brain is saying to OD cos nobody cares and you’ve nothing to lose etc?

How would this time be any different though?