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Old 29-03-2008, 11:55 PM   #1
bitzy
Kate
 
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Location: Limerick Ireland
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"me" is gone

im not sure but ithink im losing my mind

ive been feeling like this for a while now
im scared cos there are ppl followin me nd a man outside my window tellin me to do weird things

im very depressed at the mo
i live in a "fog"
its like im sum1 else lookin in
sumbody has taken over my life nd everything belong to me

i feel like i am dead already.... like i dunno how really 2 explain cos its hard

im sorry if im rambling r sound mad im just kinda scared nd worried



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 12:15 AM   #2
dark_light
 
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I think you are explaining it really well
like a lot of what you say i can really relate to
Have you spoke to you doc about this stuff? Did you see the doc about your meds after?
I'm here if you wanna talk hon, i know how scary it feels, you have to try and block it out somehow
I KNOW how hard that is, which is why talking to someone sometimes makes it a bit easier.
Jo xx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 12:27 AM   #3
bitzy
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hi jo,
i talked briefly to my shrink bout the man at the window
i wouldnt tell her bout the voices r ppl followin me cos she'l try put me in hospital again
i dunno i just dont feel its even worth fightin anymore im obviously not going to win
im way too weak
im really really lost



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 12:47 AM   #4
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What did she say about the man? Are u on meds now?
How are u feelin now hunni? when i'm feelin lost i find it hard to ask for help from people in my life, but i think its the right thing to do. being honest with your doc is the only way she will be able to help you.
why do you not want to go back to hospital?
xxxx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 01:03 AM   #5
bitzy
Kate
 
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she just asked me wat he says to me but i couldnt bring myself 2 tell her so i just said nothin.
i feel very "sick" dunno if thats the right word 2 use... i cant stop crying, i cry for nothing now.... my eyes are so red nd sore from rubbing. il have 2 add that 2 my list of ailments lol
i cant be honest with her even if i wanted 2 be bcos i know shel send me back 2 hospital n i really dont want to go
last time i was there i hated ppl comin to see me in the psych ward
it was kinda embaressin i felt like a freak show

wat do you think i should do?
i cant see things getting any better
x



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 01:12 AM   #6
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sweetie i know its horrible in hospital there's such a stigma, and i used to hate the nurses doing checks all the time! but if thngs are this bad could hospital be worse?
i know what u mean bout feelin sick, like theres something wrong in your head? i feel numb but can't stop crying doesn't really make sense to me.
maybe its time to be honest? cos otherwise things are gonna stay like this and it sounds awful hun. have you got meds for tonight to help you get some sleep?
*massive hugs honey* xxx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 01:29 AM   #7
bitzy
Kate
 
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i cant go back there, it will only make me worse
i think im crying for release from the "numbness" like i feel sumthin wen i do, i dunno im only guessin i dont really know for sure y im cryin so much.... its tension too i suppose
sorry im prob talkin s*** now..
ya i have sleeping pills nd i took a couple of my xanax cos i feel quite on edge nd frustrated
they should help.... hopefully
x



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 01:43 AM   #8
dark_light
 
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in a way crying is good cos ur not bottling it all up
it prolly is a release, especially if ur tense
ur not talking **** i totally get what u mean, i feel like that atm, sometimes i wonder where all the tears come from and then its like i'm not really here.
hopfully the xanax will help chill you and then you can get some sleep
stay safe sweetie, let me know how u are tomorrow
i'm here if u wanna talk xxx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 01:52 AM   #9
bitzy
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thanx jo
will do
night xxx



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 08:28 AM   #10
*..life in pain..*
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hey kate, i really think that you should tell your doctor about this, because itsthe only way for this to stop. your doctor will help it stop. she may give you meds for that, i don't know. going to the hospital, i know its hard, but it wouldn't be so bad, if you think you will do something bad because the man is telling you mto, then going to the hospital will keep you safe. what im trying to say is to talk to your doctor about this.

take care
Irene
xxx



My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin


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Old 30-03-2008, 01:15 PM   #11
bitzy
Kate
 
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hi irene
ya i had a "freak out" during the night so my mam rang my best friend n he's takin me to the docs in the morning
thanx
x



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 02:05 PM   #12
dark_light
 
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Aw sweetie i'm sorry you had a bad night
i think talking to a doc sounds like a good plan, hopefully they will be able to help with all this stuff thats been going on
how u feeling today?
keep talking if it helps xxxx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 08:01 PM   #13
bitzy
Kate
 
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ya im dreadin tellin my gp tho that i havent been takin my meds
i can hear the lecture already
im feelin a lil bit better 2day im just very tired

ya talkin helps
im going to a support group meeting tuesday nd i have therapy thursday so i think il be ok
xxx



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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Old 30-03-2008, 08:50 PM   #14
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I know doctors can go on but they mean it for the best, and i think you need some help with all this stuff
Are you gonna go back on the meds?
Glad you're feeling a bit better, am here if you want to chat xx



"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow.
Everything has both dark and light.
You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."

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Old 30-03-2008, 09:11 PM   #15
bitzy
Kate
 
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thanx jo ur a star
xxx



Last cut: 23 march
Last OD: 17 February
You shine on like everything around you.
You shine on, my spirit will surround you.
Like a bird in flight I will release you.
You shine on.


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