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Contains sexual abuse - Forgotten sexual abuse?
It's been ages since I posted in RYL. For the most part I'm doing pretty good. I graduated, got a job, got my own apartment, living together with boyfriend, ...
Thing is since my mental health (and self destructive habits) got better I have got a new problem. Since a year intimacy with my boyfriend has been getting harder. I thought it was because I had some relapses into my ED. But the last few months things have been getting worse (while I'm in ED recovery). My body jerks away at certain touches, I feel dirty and disgusted when we go to bed, I even cried afterwards, ... So basicly all signs of someone who has been sexually abused.
My therapist is the one who said so (I was trying hard not to consider this an option) because when I was talking about the emotions I felt with it, I started reliving it (only the emotions, I didn't get any memories) and having a panic attack.She said it was classic trauma flashback.
Things is I don't remember anything. I feel lots of crappy things but no images, no sounds, no people, nothing ...
Anyone been in this situation? And how do you deal with it (I've been told to be patient and that my body will bring back the memories when I'm ready for it, but until then I'm stuck with these feelings and not being able to be intimate with my boyfriend anymore. And who knows if the memories will ever return?)
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