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Old 02-05-2009, 09:50 PM   #1
Flawed Perfection
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Watford
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Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - Tired

I'm tired of the flaskbacks which 9 out of 10 times result in panic attacks. I'm running out of energy. It seems that as soon as my body regains it's energy it is just used up on another stupid panic attack.

I'm starting to remember things that I'd chosen to forget. Things that my ex did to me. Things that strangers did to me. My body feels so violated. I'm so dirty. 3 different people have abused me over the last 8 years. What is so wrong with me that makes people think they can do this to me? Why do I even let it happen?

Everytime I get a panic attack it's them winning again. Them having their way with me. I re-live it over and over again. Everytime they get to me as much as they did before. How can they still get to me now? If only they knew...

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Old 02-05-2009, 09:54 PM   #2
sponge
 

you didnt let it happen hun it was forced which is wrong and no one should go through it.

i wish i had better words for you but i dont all i can say is feel free to pm me any time you need to talk.

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Old 02-05-2009, 09:56 PM   #3
shadow-light
He was no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon
 
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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flashbacks are awfult hings... have you seen the "flashback help" thread? there re some veru useful tips in there

you did nothing to make these people think that they could do things. they were in the wrong, not you.


do you have any offline support at all?
sometimes memories returning is a sign that the mind feels ready to face what happened... to move past it and start to recover... but this is hard work, and some sort of support would probably really benefit you

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Old 02-05-2009, 09:57 PM   #4
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Sometimes when someone has been hurt once they are more vulnerable to being hurt again but it is nothing to do with you or the way you are unfortunately things just happen and when you are scared you can't always act on the things you want to do so you aren't 'letting it happen' you just can't do anything to stop it most of the time.
They are not winning. Have you ever spoke to anyone about what happened? If you haven't worked through something properly it can keep coming to the surface but you can get through it and move on with your life. They don't have to spoil the rest of your life.
Take care of yourself love
x



You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.


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Old 02-05-2009, 10:03 PM   #5
Flawed Perfection
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I have spoken to someone briefly about it, but not in full details and I sort of shrugged it off. I didn't want them knowing how much it was all affecting me. They said that I could talk to them about anything, but I have since tried starting a conversation, but in the end I chicken out as usual.

Part of me is scared to face what happened. I don't want it to be real. To have other people looking down on me thinking the same things about me that I think about myself. I couldn't cope if they realised how dirty I am. I would forever be living a couple of steps behind them (more than I am at the moment). I always compare myself to others (which I know can be more damaging than good) but I would love to live like them (yes I don't know what goes on behind closed doors) but I would like my confidence back just so that I could have a general conversation with somebody. I don't know. It's all been taken away. Sorry, this was a bit of a ramble!

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