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Old 26-04-2009, 04:19 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2009
Triggering (Abuse) - Workplace bullying

I just recently put a name to what I was experiencing at work, bullying, mostly by searching on the internet and found websites & forums. So I am new to this forum. Two employees that both me and my boss agree are bullys, controlling and manipulative. No they do not call me names or yell, but its more of the passive aggressive variety, yet they do get confrontational and just make you feel terrible. My boss decided to have a meeting where we could all share our feelings. Well, of course I stupidly was the only one who spoke out at first. We had some ground rules for when to talk and how to share but the two bullies never acknowledged those. Instead they turned on me and said I deserved it, I was not doing my job, etc. One turned it completely on me and made me out like I was the problem. I actually ended up apologizing to her! The other one reverted to poor me, how could I be this way to her, I know what she is going through, and broke down and cried. All I asked was not to be told to shut up, and the other lady I asked that she not try and tell me how to do my job. My boss just sat there and did nothing. We both were not prepared. I was devastated and cried all night. I felt so low, and could not believe what had just happened. Now they were justified in what they do. The problem is that when it was going on and even before the meeting, I knew I was going to get "put in my place". Yet I was frozen and unable to move out of that space of feeling like in a very small box, humiliated and scared I guess you could say. I can never think of the right thing to say at the time, and they just bull doze over me. After I am angry & humiliated. I think I know better, but they get me right where they want me everytime. I do not know how to move out of that space. I fear that I will have to quit, but now is not the right time. I can't afford to quit right now. I wish I could just come up with the right thing to say when it starts to happen, but instead I freeze up and after I feel terrible.
I know this feeling, I was in a very abusive marriages years ago. Its like no matter what you say the abusive turns the blame on you. I thought I worked through all that, but boy this has really taken me for a loop.
Any suggestions.

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Old 26-04-2009, 12:26 PM   #2
Vicki :)
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Birmingham
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Hi hon,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing such awful bullying in the place that you have to spend so much of your time...I too have experienced this...twice, in two different jobs, and both of them were my line managers. I have always been told that whatever job you go to that there will always be bullies, and it's almost as if you should accept it, but you shouldn't. I don't know where you work, or the policies that your company holds but my advice would be to go to a Union representative if you have one and discuss any grievance procedure that you may have in place. Before you consider putting one in, though, talk again to your manager and explain that if nothing is resolved in, say, a few weeks, then you will be putting in an official grievance (or whatever your policy is called) which should spur some actual action.
You can't be expected to work in those conditions and something definitely needs to be done...
I'm sorry I can't be much help, but I'm here if you need to talk...feel free to drop me a PM.
Hope things get sorted for you...xx

"Can I ever be truly whole again...

...after being broken so many times?"

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