relapse/advice or thoughts appreciated

[myoko]

So, I just recently relapsed.
Um, I was free for about 3 years which was a big deal for me because I never thought I'd make it that far.
Well this past summer the cravings became very intense.
More intense than any other time.
And to make a long story short I caved.

And well the thing is I have this friend I made this summer and she said she cared a lot and would always be there and so forth and we just had a great connection..And she knew I was struggling and seemed very understanding to this. And she said "I hope you never do it again but if you do please let me know"

So, when I was ready to tell her she was never ready and just happened to be busy..

Well, I just finally couldnt take it anymore because the guilt was just eating at me and I just told her and she didnt take it very well.

And I understand she was having a REALLY bad day. She started her period and her boyfriend went into the ER (again) because he has sickle cell anemia and it was just a very bad day in general for her.

Well, she had some choice words and asked what broke me.
and when i told her
she said my reasoning was stupid.
that the reason i cut myself was stupid.
I mean she said that every reason to cut is stupid.
And I understand that point of view but at this crucial time
I'm sorry but thats the last thing I wanna hear.
And I understand she was having a bad day and I kept putting it off to tell her what happened but she was really pissed at that too.

I mean in the end its just my fault but the one person I thought I'd get the biggest understanding from was her. And I didn't get it all.
Instead she just sent jabs at me.

And maybe I'm just being WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too sensitive.
But it just really hurt and still hurts

Plus she isnt answering any of my text messages now nor skype messages or anything.

So I'm starting to worry and just hurt and panic even more.
Honestly I don't know what to think.


Any advice or thoughts?

[TrashChild]

Hello Myoko c: (cute name choice by the way) I just felt the need to say that you most certainly aren't being too sensitive. The way you feel is the way you feel and you can't help that. I know how hard it can be to relapse, i've done it tons of times however the reasons that anyone would use to cut themselves are not stupid, not at all. I understand that your friend was upset but the things they said shouldn't have been said. I'm not really great at giving advice, i apologise. But i really hope you're okay and please, please don't continue to hurt yourself. You seem like such a lovely person and you don't deserve it one little bit. <3 Stay strong.

[MyLastKiss]

I guess your so called friend has no personal experience of SI (correct me if I'm wrong), because they never really understand - really. You can never expect that from people who hasn't done it. This is not really an advice just saying to have realistic expectations on ppl.
But it really sucks that you're in a bad place.
Srrry

[Juniperi]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that I read what you wrote and I'm sorry for you. Well done on 3 years. Take strength from that and stay away from this girl if she was the real trigger.

[Celticroots]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MyLastKiss

I guess your so called friend has no personal experience of SI (correct me if I'm wrong), because they never really understand - really. You can never expect that from people who hasn't done it. This is not really an advice just saying to have realistic expectations on ppl.
But it really sucks that you're in a bad place.
Srrry

Even people who have experience with self-harm can say hurtful things. I've been told by someone who once did it I just wanted attention. I hid it. Oh yeah I wanted attention so friggin' bad.

I don't have any advice but second what everyone else has said *hugs*