I'm sorry to post in multiple places :/ just don't wanna mix subjects.
I've been talking to my parents a bit about the situation with my brother. But it seems that every time, all they say is "it's entirely likely you were the actual abuser." And even with things like my suicide attempt and my self-harm and eating disorder, they just say I'm not in a bad enough place to need a therapist. "You don't need to talk to some stranger, you have two people here who are willing to listen." But I keep telling them that's exactly what I need! It's so hard to talk to family members who will do nothing but belittle and compare my experiences with theirs. They don't even know everything I've been through, because they don't let me talk! So how can they judge? How can they tell me that I was the rapist? They weren't there, that's the whole reason the whole thing happened! They left us to play and they gave us computers with internet access and they went to do their own thing, and my brother took it upon himself to have his fun at my expense. Even my stuffed animals, which I admittedly covet at nearly 16 years of age, have been defiled. But according to my parents, I was the one at fault?? On what basis, I'm the older child by 18 months? I'm the one whose brain tried to erase the memory, who has to remember all the disgusting things my brother made me do, and live with the self-hatred born in the aftermath. All they know is something happened, I never was able to describe anything, and yet they have the right to tell me I'm not damaged enough to require a therapist, that it was probably my fault anyways. I mean, I get that they have money issues, with the new car payments and Christmas coming up. But I don't see how you can't just say that you can't afford it yet, you have to tell me I don't need it because it's my fault and I just need to live with the consequences.
"I push my fingers into my eyes. It's the only thing that slowly stops the aches. If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it." ~Slipknot, "Duality"
"You don't need to bother, I don't need to be..." ~Stone Sour, "Bother"
It doesn't sound like it was your fault. I'm sorry that they're not letting you see a therapist. When they say that you have two people who are willing to listen could you mention that you're reluctant to talk to them about things, because of the way they react (saying it was your fault etc)?
Is there any way that you could see a counsellor through your school?
I'm not sure how it's done where you are little wolf, but where I am we have a counciling service on the NHS, unfortunately there's a waiting list, but it is a free way to see professionals. Obviously I don't want to encourage you to go against your perents and I definitely do not condone lying to them, but if you can find a service you can visit, the doctors can't share your information no matter how much they beg <3
Also i understand about the teddies, I'm 21 and I still have all mine around me now :) nothing's better than a cuddle with someone you know believes you unconditionally, even if they don't hug you back x
To answer Alpha, I think even if there was a charity, I wouldn't be able to go. I'm not allowed out much, especially unsupervised. I'm not sure my parents would want to use the gas it would take to drive me around.
To answer Snow White, I guess I'm doing okay. Going kinda day by day. Not getting any sleep, so I'm exhausted and brainless, but okay x)
To answer Pyjamas, I'm not entirely certain what NHS stands for, but I'll refer you to my response to Alpha. And yeah, they are good to keep around. They're somehow warm when you cuddle them lol.
I would ask if anyone knows a way I could talk to my parents that might convince them to help me get out and do these things y'all've suggested. Maybe I'm just going about it wrong? Just a few examples would be much appreciated <3 Thanks.
"I push my fingers into my eyes. It's the only thing that slowly stops the aches. If the pain goes on, I'm not gonna make it." ~Slipknot, "Duality"
"You don't need to bother, I don't need to be..." ~Stone Sour, "Bother"
Hi, no your not at fault, unfortunatly because people view things differently and have different pieces of information, sometimes they add 2 and 2 together and get 12.
NHS= National Health Service, they are our health service in the UK, but seen as you live in Texas it is not applicable.
