Hey everyone, I'm new here. Please call me Silver. It's a made-up name because I've been having some privacy issues with my mom lately. Anyway, I'm fifteen years old. I'm depressed and I was hoping that I would be able to get help here. Every time I ask my parents to help me get counseling, they never do, so I don't have therapy or anything. This place will be all I've got. I have been cutting myself since August of 2010 when I was only thirteen years old. I haven't cut for about a month and three weeks because my grandma died from colon cancer on May 12th of this year and I haven't really felt like cutting since then. However, things are getting bad at home and I don't think I'll be able to handle my urges for long. I have tools in my drawer and I could use them whenever.
My parents are alcoholics and they've been drinking a lot more than usual since my grandma died. They fight a lot when they're drunk and so I have to hide in my room, which makes me feel very isolated. Me and my mom haven't been getting along too well since then, either. We used to be really close and we would talk to each other about personal problems and everything. Now I don't feel like I can share anything with her. Like I said earlier, I've been having privacy issues with her, which is why I have to use a made-up name. I'm a poetry writer, and about three weeks ago I caught her reading my poems in one of my diaries. We've been having problems in our relationship ever since. My sister lives in Montana and my brother lives in Florida. That makes me the only other person living in this house besides my alcoholic parents, and because of that I feel very alone. I feel like I'm always having to be kept in isolation in order to avoid confrontations with my drunk parents.
On top of all this, I'll be going back to school sometime either late next month or in August, which means I'll have to go back to dealing with bullies again. I've been bullied since my preschool days. I'm overweight and I don't stand up for myself, which makes me an easy target, especially in P.E. class, because I can't physically do what all the "normal" kids can do, and the kids at my school find that funny. Not to mention this year we'll be starting all-year-round school, which means there will be more to endure. Plus, when I start school again, I'll have to go back to trying to do my homework while my parents fight. Not to mention I'm socially akward and won't have any friends. I have low self-esteem and I'm very shy because of the teasing that I've gone through for several years now.
We just got internet service a few days ago, and since then I've been looking for online support, being as I don't get counseling or anything like that. I came across this place and so I sort of drifted around here for a couple of days, checking things out and seeing if the people here are actually nice or not, because I've been treated very badly on support forums like this in the past. I like this place. I just now got the courage worked up to join here today. I'm still kind of scared that I'll end up getting treated like dirt again. I was hoping that people here would be able to help me with my problems and maybe I could be of help with some of their's. Ciao.
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:23 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
Welcome to RYL :) It sounds like you have a lot going on for you! I hope that being on RYL will help you and that you will find what you are looking for here.
Thank you so much for the welcome, Lottie. You've made me feel comfortable here already!
I've been checking out this place and the more I see, the more I like it here. The people seem like they genuinely care about helping people like me who aren't getting much in the way of support from other places. This is just an all-around nice place. I hope that I make some very good friends here and that I can get myself a good support system built up. I don't have a support system outside of the internet, so that would be a nice thing to have. A lot of my time over the Summer so far has been spent alone in my bedroom hiding and I hope that now I can at least have online friends who I can talk to so I don't have to be so isolated from other people all the time. Thank you for making me feel welcome here! I really do appriciate it. Have a nice day!
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:23 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
I'm sorry I couldn't read all that, bad attention span and the writing hurts my eyes but..
Hello and welcome to RYL,
I hope you find the help/support you're looking for from here,
Here are a few useful links...
Check out the Rules here.
Check out the Guide to RYL.
Also you may PM me if you need.
Thank you, Mike. I appriciate it! I'm sorry that my writing hurt your eyes. I tend to like writing a lot in forums. I'm shy outside of the internet, but put me in a forum where you don't have to worry about petty high school ****, and I can become a rambler. I really wish that I were like that in school because then maybe people would like me more and would bully me less, but, you know, when you've been bullied since preschool it can become more than just a habit. Besides, the kids at my school don't really like the ones who talk too much, and well, that's kind of what I do on forums. When you've been bullied for your entire school life, silence can become ingrained in your very nature. Whoa, ****, I just now realized that I'm rambling again, speaking of. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Anyway, thank you for welcoming me, Mike, I really appriciate it and I hope you have a good day! Thanks to you for making me feel even more welcome!
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:24 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
Silver,
I was in some what the same situation when i first started cutting. Please feel free to message me on here at anytime, i would love to get to know you cause you sound like you need a friend and well so do i.
welcome to RYL!
Ambyr
Thank you Ambyr, I appriciate it! I love this place. I love it that there are so many different people to talk to here and so many places to go and things to talk about . I especially love it that we have a place to share creative stuff. I write a lot of poetry and stories and I also do some artwork, so I'm glad there's a place to put that kind of thing here. Recently I was wondering if there is a forum for grief support. Like I said in my original post, my grandma passed away last month and I've been taking it really hard. I've been crying a lot of nights because we were close and I spent a lot of nights at her house when things got bad at home. If any of you can tell me where a forum like that would be, then please tell me. In the mean time, I'll be looking myself. Thank you!
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:24 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
Hey, Passed Expectations, thank you, I appriciate it! Unfortunately, there are no Alateen groups in my town or anywhere near where I live. I was in the hospital for about a five-day period last year as inpatient and I had to talk to a lot of people about my alcoholic parents. They tried to find Alateen groups near my area, but the closest they could find was around sixty-five miles away from the town I live in, which obviously wouldn't work because I'm not even old enough to drive yet and I already know that my alcoholic parents won't take me to something like an Alateen meeting, being as they're strongly opposed to me talking to anyone about their problem. Do you know of any Alateen groups that are online? I don't know if they do that or not, but I'll be looking because I desperately need to connect with people who are like me. I've been in isolation for so long that I feel like I cannot possibly stand it for another day. I would love to meet some people my age who have to go through the same things that I do. Anyway, thank you for the suggestion, I really appriciate it! I hope you have a good day, take care.
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:24 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
Silver, i know there is some greif information on this site as wll as a grief forum. i really do hope things get better for you. remebr if you every need someone to talk to i am always on here, just HMU with a PM
Thank you, Ambyr, I appriciate it. I'm pretty sure I found the place you're talking about. It's the Grief & Trauma support, right? Anyway, I'm still having a very hard time, and it's been helping me tremendously so far. I miss my grandma. We were very close and her house was my safe haven where I could go to when things got tough at home. I always felt safe with her, like nothing and no one bad could ever get me as long as I stayed near her. I pretty much accepted her house as my second home. Now that she's gone, well, I no longer have a second home. I no longer have a safe haven, a soft place to fall. My other grandma, the one from my Mom's family, has kind of taken me under her wing. She's been letting me spend nights at her house over the summer. However, it's been hard because of the fact that she lives in a completely different town. Plus, when it starts getting colder, she'll have to fly back to Florida for the winter with my grandpa, so in the winter I won't have anyone to go to. I went to my grandma's house after she died when my dad and my uncle were cleaning it out and it just didn't look the same. It felt so empty. It was eerie. I don't know, I guess I just really miss her. I'm sorry for rambling on so much. I must be getting on everyone's nerves. I apologize.
Last edited by ♥Silver♥ : 30-06-2012 at 02:24 PM.
She is the quietest kind of rebel.
♥ She could shut out the whole world, including herself. ♥
Yeah i know exactly what you are talking about, my grandma's house used to be my safe haven too but now she is living with us so i had no where to go til about 2 months ago. now when i need out of my house i go to my boyfriend's who has actually helped me alot when it comes to trying to quit cause he doesnt want me cutting so when ever i get an urge i call him and he listens to how i am feeling then makes me feel better about myself and tells me that i am so beautiful that i dont need to be scarring up my body, and that helps so much. i hope you find a new safe haven soon.
your friend,
Ambyr
