your carer would much much rather you wake her up than you hurt yourself hun. hurtin yourself won't make it stop. no matter how bad ir how often, thats not gonna make it go away. keep tellin yourself that. do you have a hard copy of a list of reasons not to hurt you and things can do instead? can be very useful when you can't think straight. *hugs*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
thank you Lanny, Katie and Anna for your support and hugs.
i did wake my carer in the end as the voices got me to a point of nearly ODing. i went into her with bottles of pills and crying hysterically she held me for ages trying to calm me down enough to tell her what was happening. i just told her that the voices want me dead and i cant fight them anymore, when she took the pills away from me the voices got so so bad.
the voices are going to win i just know it, i try so hard not to listen and act on them but i cant fight them anymore. theyve got all the power im just losing it.
these meds arent doing anything yet and it feels like im running out of time, the voices are getting stronger by the day, and im getting weaker i still cant eat and im not getting any sleep. im losing it.
i try to keep telling myself not to hurt self and that it wont help and most of the time i dont hurt self, but sometimes its just to strong and i cant think straight because they are going at me over and over and i think it will help them go away for a bit.
i think right now id be beter off dead, cause i cant cope anymore.
im sorry for going on i just needed to get it out
*curls up tight*
*massive hugs for Jo*
Brain not too good at the moment but trying to make this make sense; I'm glad you woke your carer and that she helped you. I have recently given my pills to someone so I know what you mean about the voices getting so much worse following it.
The voices won't win darling. They can't hurt you. There's nothing they can do unless you act on what they're saying.
Please try to stick with the medication; like's been said before - it can take a while for it to take effect. My psychiatrist said it can take up to three months for some medications to fully start working. If you're really struggling on it you can try asking your doctor to change it to put something in as well to help it.
There's no need to apologise; we're all here for you.
x Katie x
i really hope the medication doesnt take 3 months to start working properly because the way the voices are i dont have that long. maybe i do need to see my doctor again but im scared she will definitely put me in hospital this time.
im badly struggling and so so tired but they wont let me sleep.
the strength and intensity of the voices is to much now, what they are telling me to do has got more severe and im really scared. ive found the pills that my carer took off me and hid, and im fighting hard not to take them. i just want some peace from the voices please, i want to get some sleep just need a break for a few hours please.
things have got a whole lot worse during the night i hurt myself quite badly cause i just wanted some peace so i could sleep. it didnt work and they continued to shout and scream at me, i just lost it completely then and started smashing my head on the wall, which woke my carer.
shes taking me to the doctors today and im really scared because this time im sure she will put me in hospital, i dont want to go in hospital its horrible in there. im so scared
im not doing so good just now im feeling very low and exhausted, and struggling with these voices so much. i just want this medication to start working because i cant take much more of this. the things they are telling me to do have got really scary and im trying so hard to fight and not act on them, but its getting harder and harder not too. it feels like they have all the control of me which is so scary.
the hospital said it will probably take six weeks for the medication to start working but it feels like i dont have six weeks, ive not got the energy and strength to keep fighting them.
i just want them to go away, i want to be normal
I'm sorry you're struggling so much Jo, you don't deserve any of it *sending safe healing cuddles*.
You've got more strength than you give yourself credit for, you will get through this, you've overcome so much lovely, you'll get through this too.
Sometimes I've found that I've felt the effects of medication after four weeks or so, so it might not always be six weeks, I can fully appreciate though that four weeks isn't much better than six when you're having to go through what you are going through x
sorry im low on words too. you are so strong jo, you've survived so much and came out of it still a loving, caring person. if carer hasnt already, givin her all the dangerous things would be good until the voices settle some. *snuggles*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
when will this end? when will these voices go away? i cant cope with them anymore. they are at the most severe they have ever been, they are telling me to do bad bad things to myself more severe things, and they keep telling me i deserve to hurt i need to be punished cause im bad and evil. they are slowly destroying me im not in control anymore they are.
i feel so confused and lost i just want them to stop, maybe theyre right and i need to be punished, maybe then they will shut up and go away. i cant think straight they are shouting screaming, telling me im useless and worthless.
i just need to make them go away, i need some time out from them some sleep im so exhausted
the medication is not doing anything yet if anything they have got worse not better, could it be the medication making them worse? or is it just because its not working yet? it feels like im going to be like this forever *cries*
sorry for posting i just feel so alone and mixed up im sorry
*safe hugs for Jo*
I'm sorry things are still no better for you honey. I wish I could help, I really do.
Can you or your carer call your doctor to discuss the medication and the voices getting worse?
You're not bad or evil or any of those things and you don't need to hurt yourself. I know it feels that way but you're NOT going to be like this forever, I can promise you that.
Keep posting if it's helping <3
x Katie x
another night with no sleep the voices have got so bad now they just wont let up at all, im feeling completely exhausted and like i want to end this now cause i cant take anymore.
my mood is so low and im now feeling suicidal, but im to scared to tell my carer how i feel in case she puts me in hospital.
i cant stop myself from crying, im so emotional at the moment i feel like a wreck, ive got no energy and ive had enough now
im in a bad way just now really struggling and not coping at all, im not getting any sleep really and im feeling completely drained and exhausted. the voices are shouting and screaming at me 24/7 wanting me to do more and more hurtful and severe things to myself, and they are constantly saying nasty horrible things to me which im trying so hard not to believe but its getting harder as they repeat them over and over.
im feeling really unsafe at the moment and i dont trust myself, ive tried talking to my carer but im scared to let her know how bad i really feel, but i guess im going to have to tell her because im not coping well and need to do something
*curls up shaking*
i managed to tell my carer a bit of how i am feeling but not the severity of how unsafe i feel because im scared, the voices keep telling me not to talk, they keep saying i dont need anyone else. im so confused and muddled i dont no what to think anymore. are the voices right? should i just listen to them?
i dont like this i dont like my head, im getting worse not better i cant seem to control anything anymore, i need this all to stop i cant do it anymore. im struggling to keep myself safe now and its scaring me, i want to run away just run and escape them.
ive got bad bad thoughts and feelings just now and im scared that i cant fight them, this doesnt feel good
*curls up*
