I have to make the decision to proescute my abuser *family member) or not. Mum doesn't want me to but....I feel like I will never get closure if I don't. I thought I was sure of my decision to prosecute but then my dad said it might end up in the papers and that scared me to death as it;s bad enough wrecking my family without the world and it;s friend knowing!! I don't even know if the paper thing is true but whatever the case it's done it's job scaring the shit out of me. I;m sick to death of my 'family' always been drummed into me 'protect the family' but right now I feel like holding up a massive banner going HELLO, I'M HERE, ANYONE CARE? I'm the victim in thiss ituation so why am I the one suffering. But I can't say that because God forbid I be selfish.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Thankyou for understanding Katie. It means the world
On top of the family and mental health shit I fell transferring from commode to wheelchair and hosp have said I've wripped all the ligaments around my knee and said for a week plus I need to not put pressure on it but when I asked how I was supposed to transfer they actually said 'oh yeah we hadn't thought of that' 0.o I didn't need this shit under normal circumstances but when I'm dealing with the family shit and mh shit I didn't need extra physical pain and torn ligaments and all that. What did I do to deserve this?
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
You totally don't deserve bad things, I'm sorry you have a lot going on for you. Keep going, you will get through this. How have you been over the past couple of days?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
In physical pain and Mum and I had another facebook argument over whether I should prosecute or not and when it got too real for her she put any way of me contacting her off so that I can;t contact her or distress the family herself included.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
That is really unfair of your Mum. :( I can understand how much that must hurt and make you angry. Is there anyone who listens to you without judging or trying to turn against you?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't know how things work with public records there. Is it worth contacting an abuse advocate or organisation to ask their advice and how it might work? I know there's a US one that has an online chat that you can do anonymously, which I found helpful for when I had a friend in crisis. I don't know what exists in the UK, but I would guess similar resources are there?
Please do not give me virtual hugs unless you are only using the hug function on threads. Thanks.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
Camden I did contact Rasasc (r*pe and sexual abuse centre) don't think they have chatroom or anything though and they said IF I choose to prosecute they wouldn't be allowed to give me counselling in case it seemed like they were manipulating me -_- tbh I don't see this proseution happening. There will always be the family's reason (current resdon is grandma is ill) and I won't have support through the court process. So sod it. I'll never get my closure and I just have to make my peace with that.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
I have no idea. And the police came out the other day to explain starting the procedure and when I thought of my mum and my grandma I bailed. So it's not going ahead, at least for a fair while. I wish mum knew how much it hurts me to protect her and her side of the family, or rather I think she does know but when the going gets tough and I'mm too honest she runs in the opposite direction going I can't deal with this I can't deal with this. I can't deal but I have to because it happened to me. Not her. Me. And also she has my dad to support her who have I got? The only being that seems to care right now is my dog.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
I need her to hold me and say I'm your mum I'm on yourside and however bad things get I'm here for you. But apparently that is too much to ask. Whenenver I try to tell her how I feel she backs off. But I love her more than anyone else in this world. It's confusing.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter